Ja Baij Triumphant

Waking of Friday, October 13, 2017 ~ 3

Ja Baij Triumphant

But of course, I was repulsed from making contact with my Sheikah Slate.

Unholy dark clouds swirled up around the main control unit, the evil energy condensing into a swirling blue light that was.... much too pretty for what it portended....

I momentarily wondered if I might even see Daruk instead. That light.... so fair....

But a few heartbeats later, the light coalesced into a massive sword, no a right sword-arm, the hulking limb clamped upon by some titanic hilt, from which gleamed a blade of Ancient make, twenty foot long at least—into a cruel left hand on an arm more lithe, palm curled upwards with vicious nails and malicious magenta flesh—into the bottom of the torso, the terrible drippy body, lost like hanging guts, uneven, non-corporeal, irrelevant—and into the head—into massive, massive armor in a wreck of towering dominance, wild horns jutting strangely and bloodred mane split into two matted flags waving—

Some of this I only remember from later glancing at the pictograph I took.

I think I was too close.

But I’m not going back to take another.

Fireblight Ganon was much beefier than Waterblight Ganon had been.

Ugh.

Fortunately, I still had a million ice arrows.

What a serendipitous elemental affinity.

Daruk’s voice encouraged me as I pelted him with arrow after arrow, as I dodged his blade and played ring-around-the-rosie about the main control unit, as I felled him and ran in swinging with the biggest stick I had on me—a Royal Claymore or something, some two-handed longsword with a sharp point and golden embellishments....

I don’t think I sliced him up too much between arrowings, though. I tried one time but.... so close, so dangerous....

And when Fireblight Ganon’s life meter was half-emptied.... he upped his game.

With a terrible roar no living thing could emulate, the monster flexed and flared, fire engulfing its person. The Ancient Blade turned a hot, bright orange. The thing took a place in the air, and began charging up what I could tell would be a devastating attack.

I took cover behind one of the many struts supporting the spiky frill on the Divine Beast’s back. The fiery charge raised in pitch, in intensity, until I heard the monster release it, and the air around me was instantly BLASTED outward, ignited, from where Fireblight Ganon hovered.

But I was safe. That was good cover.

I was confident.

In fact, I was still running on just the half remaining hearts I had left after climbing the volcano.

....

Sweet.

I peeked around and shot a few more Ice Arrows at him, but he soon found a new spot to occupy and charge up a new attack.

I had to move and duck down again.

I glanced at his life-meter. Was I doing any damage?

I stepped out once more and watched carefully as I pelted him again: the Ice Arrows seemed to impact on the encircling sphere of flame; they never made contact with the body beneath. And the life-meter didn’t go down.

My Ice Arrows were now ineffective.

Great, how was I going to hit him? I thought. Projectiles couldn’t penetrate the fireshield; did I need to get up close and personal with a melee weapon?

I looked at Fireblight Ganon again. He was charging up another fireball to cast at me.

And I looked at him.

Arms straining, claw hand trembling, muscles working.... he was gathering in a lot of energy for this....

And I saw—pulling it in.

Sucking it in.

Like those Rock Octoroks....

And a suspicion I’d had of the four Divine Beasts blossomed into further realization.

Four Divine Beasts.

Four Plateau Shrines.

Four Slate Functions.

Each of these four beasts must have something to do with each of my four Slate functions....

Water with Water for Zoras—Cryonis—that one was obvious.

Magnesis and Stasis, those could go either way with the Gerudo and the Rito—

But Bombs?

Bombs were always and forever a Goron device.

And the Gorons were dealing with Vah Rudania.

Vah Rudania had to be dealt with with bombs.

Hadn’t the land of Eldin prepared me for such? Cannons activated by bombs, railcars activated by bombs....

And pulling, sucking Rock Octoroks, defeated by Bombs.

All of this flashed through my mind in the span of a heartbeat or two. Or maybe more—I’m not sure; my heart could have been going pretty fast.

Fireblight Ganon seared with raging heat as he completed his charge and let loose another exploding firebomb—I ducked where the blast couldn’t reach me.

But when he next stopped in the air to charge another attack, I called upon Ja Baij.

In my hour of need, I called upon the aid of the Sheikah Monk Ja Baij!

And Ja Baij delivered.

The round Bomb I hurled toward the demon menace was swirled up in the sucking whirlwind, spinning closer and closer—past the fireshield!—and I detonated.

I don’t remember if I could see the blue of the explosion. But I knew the monster felt it.

He tumbled out of the air and crashed upon the deck of Vah Rudania’s back, stunned and dazed! And in I ran!

I was so far away, but in I ran, swinging and slicing!

Too far away indeed—I didn’t get but a few hits in on him. But I got the pattern down, and there was no safety for him then.

I repeated the attack a few times as Daruk’s voice cheered me on—“Lay it on him, little guy!”

And I did.

And Fireblight Ganon screamed a high keening as it died.... high, high, wailing, shrieking like an over-boiling teapot.... terrible thing....

Divine Beast Vah Rudania

Waking of Friday, October 13, 2017 ~ 2

Divine Beast Vah Rudania

I landed on an open platform on the Divine Beast’s bronzy back.

“Hey, little guy. Long time no see.”

It was the voice of Daruk.

He greeted me, encouraged me, believed in me and, like Lady Mipha had done, directed me on where I’d be able to find a map of “the guts of this place”, for I wouldn’t get far without a map.

I looked around and knew he was right. I literally could not make heads or tails of where I was. It took a little bit of trekking to discover that my landing platform was somewhat above the base of the Divine Beast’s tail, behind its hips.

The main control unit stood on the center of its back, beneath the arcing spine of spikes.

So that was to be the final arena.

Well.

From the platform, there was a doorway into the interior; a hallway ramp led down into what looked like a wide space.... befouled with those rancid eyeballs again.... But that was the chamber where the guidance stone with the map was.

I stepped across the threshold—

And a door slammed down fast behind me, Rudania’s dorsal vents contracted all the way, and it was lights out.

I couldn’t open the door again.

At the bottom of the ramp, two lit braziers cast a few blue lumens dimly into the space, and beyond in the inky blackness, malice pools glistened evil dark magenta while wicked eyeballs popped yellowy-orange here and there. Aside from these three visions, the darkness was absolute.

....

Blue Lumens should be the magic shop across the road from The Groggy Moblin.

I saw that with the Divine Beast’s interior closed off from the volcano’s heat, the temperature had decreased significantly, and so changed into some clothes with lesser heat-resistance but greater defense.

I would see to the nearer eyeballs first. But I was low on arrows....

No, I was low on normal arrows. But I had over sixty Ice Arrows.

Waste not, want not.

I switched to Ice, and took out what eyeballs were closest. They crystallized and shattered with a satisfying keeeeshh!

My weapons inventory was full, but I momentarily dropped something in order to grab the torch beside the brazier—this offered much better lighting than the couple of glowing elemental weapons I had tried.

My way was slow. There was no telling what I would find in the darkness. Only all around me dripped that weird Blood Moon haze up into the air, smoking like unholy demons while the music tapped out a creaky-eerie rhythm on a subdued chorus of drums.

But aside from the pools of malice, and a few treasure chests, the chamber seemed empty.

Lighting further braziers with the ancient flame opened new doors, ways through the dividing walls in this huge space. I did meet one small Guardian deeper in, but not much else on my way to the pedestal that gave me the map.

And upon that upgrade to my Sheikah Slate, the dorsal vents reopened, and a burning rusty light filled the gigantic room once more.

But I did not spontaneously combust in the exposure; it seemed the interior of the Divine Beast remained somewhat temperate. Even so, I switched back to my Flamebreaker Armor.

The map indicated there were five terminals to activate this time. And just as with Vah Ruta, it seemed I could manipulate this Divine Beast to some extent to help me on my way. But there weren’t any individual moving parts. Rather, I COULD TURN THE WHOLE LIZARD ONTO ITS SIDE.

I had wondered about that, when I had first passed through the darkened room with nothing but that blue torch. For in the darkness I had come upon strange holes in the floor, barred openings, trapdoors with extraneous protrusions beside them—ledges to stand on.

I found a nice, tight little corner to hide in the first time I tried turning the lizard—you had to be careful not to be standing on the wrong surface and dump yourself into the lava when you did this.

I hit the button, and Vah Rudania went into a slow, sideways creep up onto the wall of the caldera and clung there, settling to stillness again with a resounding groaarr....

The loose treasure chests meanwhile tumbled around the inner chamber. I wondered if I would inadvertently dump any of them into the inferno.... Hard to keep track when the whole room tilts....

To be honest, I found Vah Rudania’s terminals much easier to activate than Vah Ruta’s. Perhaps they were easier. Or perhaps I simply had more experience and could better apply my skills to my situations by then. Perhaps it was, so to speak, just a whole ‘nuther animal.

At the activation of the first terminal, the creaky-eerie drumbeats evaporated and the music once again took on a darker, more sinister, noticing tone. Quicker. Watchful. Aware.

Like the place was on to me.

Just like in Vah Ruta.

But unlike in Vah Ruta, I found myself gratifyingly bounding through the terminals. Tipping the beast here, placing an orb there, activating doors and rollicking through obstacles. Reading the Rube Goldberg like an interesting novella.

A fire arrow there, some Magnesis to follow through.... But there was one terminal which stood in a small, enclosed alcove with only one entrance. And the threshold of that entrance was comprised of a line of fire-spewing vents in the floor. The flames reached up to the ceiling, and there was no way around.

But after only a moment of consideration, I remembered, and stepped up, quite literally, into the line of fire.

The Great Fairies’ handiwork stood firm.

It did not even faze me in the slightest.

“I’M FIREPROOF, SUCKAS!” I sang out, relishing my upgraded Flamebreaker Armor set.

I was having quite a good time. I found a spare treasure chest way out on the club of the tail, and I even ventured out onto the tip of the nose to take a smiling self-portrait with the beast. :)

Soon, though, I was closing in on the final terminal.

Daruk’s voice had been encouraging me forward.

I carried the blue flame on a long walk outside to light another torch on the Divine Beast’s back, which released another orb, which I then guided through its track inside the tilting beast with gravity games....

The orb landed in a pedestal, which tripped open a door, which gave me access to activate the last terminal, which I did, and—

“Great work, little guy!” Daruk’s voice sounded, and he instructed me to proceed to the main control unit.

It was the only place left to go.

It was late, I was on a cusp, and I wanted to eat a bowl of cereal.

But I was in the moment.

Putting it off would wreck it.

I looked in the fridge, settled for the dregs of a bottle of prune juice to be my liquid courage, and activated the main control unit.

Hylian Charbroil

Waking of Friday, October 13, 2017

Hylian Charbroil

You know, Goron City can be confusing. Absolutely bewildering down on the ground, where the geology is all the same color, all jutting up in a million variations of the same craggy shapes.

It took me a while before I gave up on my HUD and just consulted my full map. And even then.... I took the cheap way out and simply warped to the shrine near Eldin Bridge.

When I hiked up the hill I found Yunobo cowering beneath Daruk’s Protection; two Black Moblins were harassing him.

Well! I had just the mask for that! C:

I donned the Moblin Mask and dashed up the trail. The Moblins turned at my approach and eyed me suspiciously....

I hadn’t quite thought through what exactly I intended to do. Sure enough I was able to get close. Very close. Right up next to them. Which gave me the element of surprise. But there were two of them. And surely they wouldn’t take kindly to any suddenly violent turns on my part. Hmm.

In the end I just did the best I could—I Stasised one of them, and just started walloping away, fortuitously landing the same blows on his fellow as well. They both went down but there would be no more taking them off guard after that.

Moblins can hit. @_@

When I had dispatched them both, the camera swiveled back to center on the trembling Yunobo, and I suddenly hoped that I wouldn’t be forced to move through an otherwise epic and momentous cinematic while wearing.... a Moblin Mask.

But Yunobo only stood up to look around and see that he had been saved, and the game released me to approach and address him on my own.

PHEWF. ouo;

There was a cannon nearby, like the ones at the North Mine. But when I rolled a bomb into it and tried to fire, nothing happened. Huh....

So I turned to speak to Yunobo. He thanked me for my help, and asked where Big Boss Bludo was.

“He’s not coming,” I said.

“What?”

I explained to him about the painkillers not having any effect, and Yunobo looked downcast and fretted about what they were going to doooo.... Yunobo had Daruk’s Protection, and it was the only way to drive Vah Rudania up into the volcano, but Bludo had to work the cannon....

“I’ll do it!” I said.

Yunobo was shocked. He impressed upon me how dangerous this was. Especially for a Hylian.

But with that wonderfully unscripted series of animated mouth movements and gesticulations that Zelda games have become SO fond of lately.... I explained to him I assume that I actually did need to get inside that Divine Beast.

That seemed to lend him a little courage. Heh, for a Goron he just seems so.... youthfully tender.

Yunobo told me that Eldin Bridge was kept raised to bar Vah Rudania from coming down and across from the upper cone. Actually I wondered whether the Divine Beast would even need the bridge.

Likewise, with the bridge in such a position, we wouldn’t be able to cross further upward. But Yunobo said I could knock the bridge into its lowered position by firing him at it with the cannon.

And he hopped in.

:I

So I rolled in a bomb, took aim and blew it up.

You ever launch someone into the sky in a rolling fiery arc?

I’d thought it might be a trick shot, an angle somewhere between set firing directions, and so almost shot him off too early! But he just barely nicked the upper corner of the raised bridge.... and brought it swinging down.

He landed back nearby on the rebound, a little unsteady and with stars dancing around his head. We could go into the mountain now, he said.

I had wondered if it would be anything like it had been with Prince Sidon—hard and fast and in a desperate rush!

But Yunobo was saying—what—we just—

....

On foot??

I’d wondered if perhaps we would have to do cannon acrobatics together but WHAT we just—the bridge is down and then—what, just—over we go? Onto the mountain? WHERE THE GIANT FRIGGIN’ LIZARD IS?

I dunno there was just something off-putting about climbing up after it, into its territory, on our own measly feet.

But that seemed to be the only option. Yunobo followed after me as I moved. Heh, I like it when the NPCs do that. ^_^

He was a bit slower than I....

Near the far end of the bridge we were thrust into a cinematic—Vah Rudania spotted us. The four large circular vents on its back dilated, and a host of smaller, buzzing, propellered things came swarming out.

Oh great, I thought, Those things are gonna come after us and I’m gonna have to shoot them, how many arrows do I have—

Yunobo lamented this new development as well. Evidently Vah Rudania did this whenever he and Boss Bludo came close. If those sentries spotted us the Divine Beast would go into a rage and cause the volcano to erupt; landslides of fiery boulders would come raining down. Bludo could just smash those boulders to bits with his fists.... But he wasn’t here....

I would lead and Yunobo would follow me, but with those sentries in the air.... he proposed we should decide on a signal for when we should move and when we should stop.

My options to respond were

A wink!

A whistle!

Mind powers!

XD

I suggested a whistle, and Yunobo said that was a good idea, even though it was a little like calling a horse....

The cinematic released me and, still fearing those sentries, I ran for cover like a self-respecting coward. But nothing came after us.

So I tested the whistle. It came out different! A short drill of three quick peeps brought Yunobo snapping to a rigid standstill with a “Hup!”

I moved away a short distance and whistled again. It was longer with a rolling pitch this time.

“Coming!” Yunobo called, and ran to where I was, stopping beside me with a triumphant “Ha-ha!” as if we’d just outwitted something.

Heh, that was for when we’d have cleverly gotten past something I guessed. His dulcet tenor voice is so tender....! XD

The whistle alternated between these two patterns, and when in earshot Yunobo was strict to heed it.... but I wished he’d had a slightly quicker reaction time....

We started out tentatively enough, but it seemed the sentries were not actively seeking us out, and so after a short time I had us plunging up the hill and into the crags.

Well.... plunging as fast as Yunobo could go, anyway. He would always catch up to me panting, and even gasped once, “Wait up!”

Poor guy.

The sentries shone bright red searchlights directly below where they hovered or patrolled. They seemed simple enough to slip past at first—though I did have to work on Yunobo’s timing! Under one of the first sentries, before we could reach the shelter of an overhang—before Yunobo could reach the shelter of the overhang—the beam caught him and—

Some buzzing alarm.

“This is bad!” Yunobo cried.

And Vah Rudania hammered the mountain with its enormous club of a tail, sending red-hot rocks cascading down in a thick and terrible rain of crushing DEATH.

They didn’t seem to reach us beneath the overhang, though, where I crouched down and Yunobo shivered beneath Daruk’s Protection.

But much of the rest of the mountain was not quite so forgiving.

The sentries were tricky! The beam of one stationary one I had to block with a large metal plate propped between two rocks. Clever. Others I discovered could be destroyed by casting bombs into nearby updrafts, and detonating when they reached the sentries’ level. Cleverer!

I had Yunobo stay put when I saw more Moblins in the distance, and put my mask on to go and have it out with them.

Turned out they were guarding another cannon! Yunobo hopped in, and I tried launching him at one of the sentries....

I’d say he overshot it by at least a quarter mile.

But he came bounding back and uncurled from his rolling posture, and told me to watch where I was aiming.

I guessed the sentries couldn’t be dealt with that way.

And I guessed.... it was to be a shot at the Divine Beast then—we did seem to be following it counter-clockwise up the cone. I aimed the cannon and fired, Yunobo struck true, and Vah Rudania groared and clambered further on, Yunobo rebounding back a moment later with more stars around his head. He was pretty pumped at our progress!

There were two more cannons, each guarded by two Black Moblins. We jogged our way upward and onward, skirting the sentries we could manage. Whistle. “Right!” Whistle. “Hup!” Whistle. “Coming!”

And other such noises he made.

.... “Wait up!”

Heh, there was even a little icon for Yunobo on my HUD map.

It even had his same fretting little face! XD

But it was deucedly difficult getting him past the last cluster of sentries before the third cannon. That one sentry going round in circles.... the one I couldn’t bring down with any air-drafted bombs....

Alarm.

“Oh no!”

Red-hot boulders.

Alarm.

“It saw us!”

More rib-shattering chunks of flaming rock.

Alarm.

“This is bad!”

Just bury me in the molten rubble rolling on the ground getting my SKIN seared off, no cover from this unrelenting, cacophonous—

It would have been helpful if Yunobo had run ahead to duck and cover, but he kept running back to that little outcrop. And I.... just did the best I could staying close to the cliff walls, trying to let the rocks bounce over me.

Isn’t that what they teach you for hiking?

I tried hunkering down near Yunobo once.

I was BOWLED RIGHT OFF THE MOUNTAIN. The cascade of hot earth blew me cartwheeling through the open air, down, down, high over the endless dark spires like the reaching pits of hades. It took me a moment to recover enough to deploy my paraglider—and turn myself back toward the mountain’s face where I clung like a bedraggled spider.

It was a bit of a climb to reach Yunobo again—thank goodness I had the stamina. But my hearts couldn’t take much more of this. I’d lost Mipha’s extras plus about half my normal red ones climbing this blasted volcano.

In the end.... I forgot the whistle, and just had him follow close after me as I timed a winding path beneath that infernal circling sentry.

And we made it to the last cannon.

Two dead Moblins later, I fired Yunobo at the Divine Beast again, and it seemed that Vah Rudania had had enough. It clambered over the jagged, oozing lip of the cone, pushed itself over the edge to fall into the crater, and—

THE VOLCANO ERUPTED.

With a tremendous rumble, a titanic spray of hot lava ejected out of the caldera.

But it didn’t hit us. And nothing more terrible happened after that.

The Divine Beast had only finally settled down into the very heart of Death Mountain, lizard legs splayed as at rest . . . . or recalculation . . . .

“That was so cool!” Yunobo crowed as we crested the top in cinematic, “You really put a licking on that thing!”

Oh I just love this kid. XD

I don’t remember much else of his parting words. I just remember his voice still so slight and tender, so hopeful as he bade me good luck in finishing the job, as I leapt off the lip after the beast, paragliding down, down, down into the core of fire, and Yunobo still stood there above, back meekly hunched and clasping his low hands before him like he does, blue neckerchief ruffling in the surging, embered heat....

Fiery Portents

Afternoon of Tuesday, September 19, 2017 ~ 3

Fiery Portents

Fresh out of any more wardrobe excuses, I warped back to Goron City, giving Bargoh a warm greeting on my way down to Boss Bludo’s house. Yunobo would surely have handed off the painkillers to him by now....

He had. Bludo was back in action and ready to go. “No disrespect to Daruk’s legacy or anything,” he said, “but it’s time to go beat back that Divine Beast.” Or some such words.

“Daruk?” I said.

Bludo was incredulous that I’d evidently never heard of Daruk. “Look,” he said, pointing to the huge carved stones overlooking the city, “That is a statue of Daruk.”

I looked.

And looked....

Daruk and I stood atop the mighty Divine Beast Vah Rudania, as it poised upon the mountain in the sunlight. “I’m really getting the hang of this thing!” he said, or something like it, “Yep, the other Champions better eat their gravel if they want to keep up with Daruk.” His voice was as gravelly as his hide.

“Great view!” Daruk said, looking around the jagged landscape, “All those delicious rocks....”

Gorons.

“Congrats on becoming the Princess’ appointed knight,” he went on, impressing that it was a big deal, protecting the king’s daughter. Not to mention a tall order, given her personality. “She’s the kind of person who can’t see the mountains for the peaks!” he alleged.

But he stopped short as an ominous rumbling began coming from the mountain.

Huge boulders rained down, one gigantic one right for us—

But Daruk threw up his fists and stopped it with some.... dodecahedral red field of some kind, which glowed like fire in a soft rotation. Stopped it dead. He protected us both.

And after a moment the tremors had passed, and we were in the clear, and Daruk released his magical shield, and we stood straight again.

“Strange,” Daruk mused in a troubled rumble, “The volcano’s been quiet for decades. But if it’s shaking enough to toss boulders that size at us, then...” He paused for only a moment, and then, “No, never mind. Forget I said anything.”

I came back to myself.

Boss Bludo explained that Yunobo was a descendant of Daruk, and that he had inherited Daruk’s Protection. It was a power he could use to shield himself from any attack or bombardment.

“It’s the only way he can protect himself when we fire him at the Divine Beast.”

WHAT.  .__.

Bludo explained that normal boulders wouldn’t do it; they had to launch Yunobo himself at the Divine Beast by means of the cannon oh my gosh wat, just— D:

I guess Gorons are made of pretty tough stuff. o_o

And it was time to get to it. Bludo made ready to go. “Well, time to head back to the—”

Crunch!

He stiffened with a painful jolt.

His back was out again.

He couldn’t believe it. This was getting to be a bother. “Oh, look, I’m sorry to have to ask you this,” he said, “but would you go tell Yunobo that we’re going to have to cancel for the day? He’ll be at Eldin Bridge.”

Eldin Bridge. I’d seen that place when I was catching butterflies with the girls. It had seemed.... a Rubicon of sorts, leading into the higher steeps of the cone about the caldera.

Except this crossing was over hot lava, instead of water.

The Most Dangerous Game

Afternoon of Tuesday, September 19, 2017 ~ 2

The Most Dangerous Game

Out back of Kakariko on the Sahasra Slope, before I met the Bokoblins, I actually took a detour over toward the west. The very first Guardian Stalker I’d ever met was over there, safely down in a dell where it couldn’t reach me. And now I was armed with Ancient Arrows, and a little more experience.

I once again practiced my aim with a few normal arrows before shooting off an Ancient one; and again the Guardian’s life meter emptied in a heartbeat, as it shook and rumbled and collapsed and exploded to the ground.

And it left me Ancient Gears! 8D Why, if I could harvest these Guardians all right.... I’d be well on my way to a set of Ancient Armor!

WHY do Zelda games DO that???  8C

You want the item that makes Terrible Thing easy! Or easier. But the only way to GET said item is to do the Terrible Thing without its help! So that once you acquire the item, the item which would make the Terrible Thing more bearable—YOU ARE NO LONGER DAUNTED.

RURGH it is a WICKEDLY devious method of conveyance for the life lesson that you don’t need the magic feather.

BLAST THEIR MAD GENIUS.

Where the heck was I?

I was killing a Guardian.

I killed the Guardian, collected its spare parts, and ventured down into the dell. I was sure one of the big boulders down there was a Talus. The place was too rocky and open to not be a stage for a boss fight. But none of the boulders I jumped on jumped back at me.

At least, not until I was done exploring and accidentally jumped on just the right one on my way back out of the dell.

And this one was tricky in that its vulnerable protrusion of ore was situated somewhere down near its butt. It stuck out from a surface upon which I could not maintain a footing. I did the best I could with leaping blows from above and below, and eventually the brute went down.

I would have gone straight back to the slope to test out the mask on the Bokoblins after that, but I was further surprised by another Guardian. Another Guardian Stalker creeping around near where the first one had been. Out of the dell this time.

You know, in hindsight, I really should have marked my map with their locations.

Fortunately, habit saved my skin: I was once again keeping to the high ground, and on my grassy upper shelf I hugged the mountain tightly to keep out of the second Guardian’s line of sight.

But somehow, many paces later as I came near the road back into Kakariko again.... the needle red laser found me, the Piano threw a fit, and that Guardian Stalker was coming for me.

I turned to face it, jogged a little away from the cliff. Kept my feet moving.

It still walked as its targeting laser bored into my shirt. Just coming right up to me.

I kept moving—the laser beeped—I dashed to the left.

I had never dodged one of their attacks on foot before.

Leastways not without some cover.

But I saw the blue bolt shoot past me away on the right as I ran away from it, a perpendicular course.

Had I been in some magical Goldilocks Zone of the Guardian’s range? Not yet crossed the deadly event horizon of its targeting laser acquisition speed?

The outside of a record spins faster.

I didn’t think about it. I just nocked an arrow as the Guardian drew closer.

Did I even have time to practice with a normal arrow?

Yes.... yes I think I did make it stutter with a hit to its eye.

And then the Ancient Arrow.... and the Guardian crumbled and rolled down the hill. And I ran to collect its sprawling spare parts. More gears....

I killed a Guardian on open ground.

Just me and him. And I came out on top.

I could kill Guardians.

After I went and sported with the Bokoblins in my mask, I warped to Robbie’s. I was over budget on gears now. That Ancient Cuirass was as good as mine.

But as I looked at Cherry’s wares, I considered. Items of clothing for some parts of the body have a generally higher defense than those for others. Some items of clothing come with special perks. I had come seeking the Ancient Cuirass, but.... would that really be the best choice?

I also considered what materials were required for Cherry to make me more Ancient Arrows. Because I was definitely going to be wanting more of those in the future. Ancient Shafts.... What was my budget there?

It’s tough to go shopping when there are so many different flavors of what can act as currency, and the arrays of what they can purchase so varied and yet overlapping.

In the end the most economical and perk-preserving choice seemed to be the Ancient Helm. The Champion’s Tunic was still quite strong, and it granted me the ability to see my enemies’ life meters. Some Ancient Shafts were required for the Helm’s construction, but not so many that I couldn’t put the balance of what I had toward the purchase of five more Ancient Arrows, for the bulk-discount price of *cough* four hundred rupees. @_@

Eric Sorenson would be proud at least.  :|

Heh, the helm looked.... unearthly! My eyes were covered.

Actually it looked like—

“Hey, I look like a Shrine!” I said to David. ^_^

The top of the helm did come up in that distinctive shape. And the bottom fringe had bright blue little circles all around it, with a slightly more prominent one front and center where my eyes would have been. My hair hung loose in a shaggy golden mane, longer than I’d thought it was.

Actually I thought it looked kinda cool. XD

And so after that it was a warp to the Lomei Labyrinth, a paraglide over the court, and a quick dash into what I believe was the selfsame hole I had hidden in last time.

The Piano heralded the Guardian’s approach, and I let it draw near, and took it down just the same. More gears.

That was my original four Ancient Arrows spent. Five fresh ones left.

As long as I was on a roll, I decided to press my luck, warp to the Akkala Tower, and attempt to take on.... a Flyer.

It was pouring freezing rain when I got there.

I switched to my Warm Doublet, and considered the encircling fiends.... One Flyer’s patrol took it time and again to the dead end of one lonely turret of land that stuck out toward Zorana. Some forgotten bastion with a few crumbling ruins on it—and a few trees for cover. I’d try that one.

I leapt from the tower and paraglided over the Flyer, briefly wondering what would happen if I just dropped down on top of it....

Eh, another time.

I headed for the little row of trees and waited for it to come back.

Rusted cannons still stood faithfully in the pouring rain.

Uh.

It’s a special kind of dread, getting ready to make yourself seen....

The Flyer came back and just got hoppin’ mad when it saw me. When it drew near I took a few desperate practice shots, but the angle was difficult, and the Flyer was too close for me to dodge its first blast. Took out more than half my hearts. But I got up again and nailed the thing with an Ancient Arrow....!

And its life meter only half emptied.

Already it was finding me again, charging up—oh dear.

Mipha had to come to my aid before I was able to hit it again and bring it down completely.

So it took two shots to kill a Flyer.

Well that was good to know.

And now I had three Ancient Arrows left....

....

Maybe in the future I’d just try to stick to the crawlers if I could help it.

Those arrows were expensive.

Mon and Masks

Afternoon of Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Mon and Masks

I considered as I started up at Cotera’s spring once again.

I had over ten thousand rupees.

And I’d been meaning to get those sneaky pants sooner or later.

So I paraglided down into town, walked into the clothing shop, Enchanted—which was fortunately still open at this late hour—and for eighteen hundred rupees bought the Stealth (or whatever) top, leggings and mask. Wearing the latter had my hair up in a man-bun with picks through it. Heh. I’d wondered whether the wig on the mannequin was just a wig or....

I guess what you see is what you get.

I stepped back out into the night. It’d been a while since I’d walked around Kakariko Village. Which was that road that led back to the shrine and the fairy fountain? (For that matter, who cares about roads when you’re paragliding everywhere anyway?) I’d need to have Cotera do up my new clothes....

But before I spied the shrine, I spied something else, something lit up against the dark sky, high on one of the hills overlooking the village.... somewhat colorful....

I scoped in.

It was Kilton’s balloon, I was sure of it.

I climbed up and sure enough, it was him.

His monster shop was open for business.

The long and short of it was this: If I brought him monster parts, he would pay me in Mon—

“What’s Mon?” I asked.

“It’s a new currency I’m developing to destabilize the economy and bring down the establishment,” or SOMETHING was his answer! XD Oh I wished Daniel could’ve heard this! First IKEA, now Bitcoin, what would the game throw at me next!? XD

“Just kidding,” Kilton said after a second, “There is no establishment in Hyrule.”

Oh gosh this guy. XD

—And with the Mon I earned, I could buy monstery products from him.

He showcased a weapon called the Spring-Loaded Hammer, which allegedly would knock smaller enemies flying. But among his wares, I was most interested in a couple of masks he had for sale! A Bokoblin Mask, and a Moblin Mask.

I COULD USE THEM TO BLEND IN WITH THEIR RESPECTIVE EXEMPLIFICATORS. C8 What the—

!?

SERIOUSLY MS WORD THAT IS LEGIT A PIECE OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE? I WAS GUESSING.

*cough*

....

Exemplificators....

Yes. Right then.

The masks looked incredibly homespun: fabrics of only similar colors held together by broad and obvious whipstitching over wavy seams, buttons for eyes—and not quite symmetrical at that! But their descriptions claimed they would give me the ability to walk undetected among my foes.

They were slightly expensive, considering the monster parts I would have to expend, and I didn’t like the thought of such a restricted legal tender, but this was too good to pass up. I quickly scraped up a selection of horns and talons and eyeballs and wings from my pockets, sold them for 99 Mon exactly, and then used that sum to buy the Bokoblin mask, the cheaper of the two.

I tried it on, and ran around and swiveled the camera to have a good look at myself—the floppy ears waggled with my movements, heh! But no sooner had I come to a standstill than all at once I hunched my posture right over, bent my knees, splayed my arms and did the Bokoblin Stance Dance! OH MY GOSH!! XD XD XD

I got so excited to try the other that I didn’t bother to calculate the exact sum of 199 Mon, but simply swapped out monster parts to Kilton (reserving no less than thirty of any given kind to myself) until I had enough and change!

And then on went the Moblin mask!

And I stood a hulking giant with powerful broad shoulders.

OH these were too good! XD

I passed on the Spring-Loaded Hammer and the Monster Extract, but went straight to Cotera after all that to do up what clothes I could. The masks, sadly but not surprisingly, could not be enhanced. But I had plenty of stealth-based ingredients to bring my Stealth Ensemble all the way up to level three in no time.

And get this—the set bonus that came with having enhanced Stealth clothes.... was faster movement at night. Haha! I felt like a Ninja! XD I could see the difference in my pace. I was so fast! 8D

But I took off the headpiece and redonned the Bokoblin’s pig head as I made my way out onto the Sahasra Slope. And I swear that mask made me emanate little snorting noises as I ran....

I knew there were mounted Bokoblins down here somewhere, and I found them.

And they found me. I could see the little question marks appear above their heads as they looked in my general direction. At first I took cover, but.... well, I was wearing the mask, wasn’t I? I had to be brave for my first field test!

I came back out from behind the bush, and there were the question marks again, filling, filling, filling with yellow....

Wait don’t they usually fill with red?

....

I didn’t think about it at the time.

But the first question mark filled all the way, popped into an alarming exclamation point....! And the Bokoblin kicked his horse and started walking it toward me.

He didn’t charge. He didn’t blow any warning horn.

He just walked.

And his friend came, too. A red one.

A black Bokoblin and a red Bokoblin, just walking their horses around me in a circle. Looking at me.

Did you know that red Bokoblins have blue eyes, but that black Bokoblins have red eyes?

I wonder what color blue Bokoblins’ eyes are.

“Don’t look at the screen don’t look at the screen!” I urged David as he stepped into the room. He rolled his eyes as I continued, “Wait wait wait.... I made a new friend....” I changed Link’s wardrobe to the Champion’s Tunic and Hylian Trousers, and switched to my scope to look at the black Bokoblin without having Link on the screen. “Okay you can look.”

David turned.

“See my new friend?” I grinned. The Bokoblin was still looking at me, and I followed him through the scope as he circled his horse.

“What’s on your head?” David asked.

“How did you—? Oh the reflection....”

He’d noticed something off as he faced away from the TV—and looked into the reflecting glass of a picture frame.

“What’s on your head?” he grinned, curious to see.

“Are you sure? Spoilers? Nothing?”

“Show me!” he laughed.

I came out of the scope, and was once again a stooping, crouching Bokoblin pig-man.

“What?” David spat in incredulous hilarity.

“I’m a Bokoblin!” I said. :D

“How long have you had that?”

“About a day. In the game.”

And I told him about the Sneaky Suit, and its bonus of extra speed at night! I went into my menu to put on everything but the headpiece.

“How long have you had that?”

“About a day. In the game—”

“Wait what’re those?” David gasped as I exited the pause menu.

“What’re what?” I knew perfectly well what.

“Those clothes? What were those?”

“Spoilers!”

“I don’t care.”

“Hnnnngg....”

“Let me see!”

I paused again

“What are these?” He pointed between my Moblin Mask and my Barbarian Helm.

“Well, that one turns me into a Moblin and that’s my Barbarian Helm.” But I could’ve sworn I saw him wearing something like it once.... “You don’t have that?” I asked.

“No.”

Hm, then it must have been unique to the Lomei Labyrinth.

Well, he’d find it sooner or later.

“What the heeeck?” he croaked through a dumbfounded grin as I modeled the Moblin Mask within the menu. The big dumb tongue lolled around as I moved. XD

I put the Bokoblin mask back on before I unpaused, and we watched the Bokoblins continue to react to my presence as I wore it.

I stood. I walked. I ran.

I moved.

And wherever I went they followed me.

And then another test: I took out my sword, and killed the red Bokoblin in one swing. His horse ran off. And the black Bokoblin?

There were arrows. He fired off a few arrows. In my general direction. But they seemed somehow half-hearted. And after a while he stopped all together. Might’ve been because he lost sight of me when I dashed away over the hill.

He did manage to kill a goat, though. But I ran in and stole the meat before he could get it.

But he didn’t seem to care.

After all, I was just another Bokoblin.

....

These masks were the best things in the UNIVERSE. X-)