Girl Stuff

Waking of Friday, August 25, 2017

Girl Stuff

Nieces are delightful creatures.

Mary just really wanted me to “Play Zelda!”

So eh.... what the hey.

I started up the game, and found that the last time I’d played I seemed to have ended up at Cotera’s spring above Kakariko Village.

Mary wanted me to play whatever the main quest was but ehhhh I didn’t think so. Not under so much threat of buzzkill with all these people in the house.

Instead, I warped back to the volcano to see if I couldn’t find any of those Smotherwing Butterflies I needed to up my Flamebreaker clothes one more level. They were tricky little beasties! Especially when I tried to get a picture of one; it was difficult to keep it centered in the frame while it kept fluttering around. I think I barely snapped a pictograph of the tips of its wings when it finally alighted over the tiny horizon of a rounded rock.

But it did help to have the picture—and thus the ability to search for it—in my Sheikah Slate. I needed something like nine of them, and the girls and I did a lot of walking around Goron City and the surrounding areas. We even found a few Koroks along the way. And a couple of new shrines. And some hidden treasure I think too! A fruitfully circuitous hike.

Once we’d caught as many butterflies as we could stand, we warped back to Cotera, and had her do up my Flamebreaker armor. The giant fairy kiss made the girls laugh. XD They asked questions, and that led to my giving them answers, which led to more questions.... which led to somehow.... they wanted to see the Elephant.

So Zora’s Domain it was.

But how did we get into the menu? One of my weapons must have broken—maybe a bow; you can’t switch via the shortcut to a different bow if you don’t have one equipped.

So in I went to the menu. And Dorothy became quite enamored of just how customizable Link was. She wanted to choose his clothes.

I took off all of Link’s equipment and stripped him down to the skivvies. “Okay, what should he wear?” I said as I hopped the avatar around Vah Ruta’s bare black rock.

“He’s naked!” Dorothy laughed.

Mary and Dorothy were soon taking turns issuing orders for different combinations of clothing. They both quite liked the beautiful set of Zora Armor. Dorothy thought the Champion’s Tunic was a very pretty blue. Both seemed to prefer his open hair to most of his hats, though they thought the Firebreaker Helm was funny. The too-small Old Shirt and Well-Worn Trousers made them laugh too. But Mary and I got the biggest kick out of the regular Hylian Trousers, no shirt, and the Barbarian Helm. I threw in a Dragonbone Boko Club for good measure, and man our hero looked right fit to eat somebody’s face! XD

We rollicked around Zora’s Domain a bit more. They had me scale the giant fish tail above the throne room, and as I had more stamina under my belt this time, it worked! I was even gratified to find a hidden Korok up there. ^_^

But soon the girls had to go, and so.... at the end I warped back to Cotera’s spring where I had been before.... and quit.

The next day, David asked me what all I had done while playing Zelda with the girls.

When I told him we’d spent our time catching butterflies and playing dress up—

“UGHHH,” his eyes bugged, “How does Ben stand it with all girls and no boys?”

I’d never seen him look so disgusted.

GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!

Waking of Saturday, August 12, 2017 ~ 4

GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!

On my way to the North Mine, I encountered a few of a breed of Octorok I’d been seeing lately. They’ll pop out of the earth, look around like they do, the little swear words.... But these kinds wouldn’t start spitting rocks at you the minute they saw you. Instead, they would spend a long moment inhaling, to pummel you with one big hit I imagine. I wouldn’t know, because I’ve never seen it happen. I always drop a bomb into the sucking draft first, and when they swallow it—

Well, you get the idea.

There was one Goron I met at the mine, but it wasn’t Yunobo. His name was Drak. Or, as he said it, “Draaaaaak”. He had a funny kind of drawl. X-)

The mine was blocked off. But Drak directed me to where the supply store was located: on one of those few baddie-infested craggy islets jutting up from that giant lake of lava behind me.

Skull-dens, boomers, and treehouses full of bow-weidling Red Lizalfos no less.

Well.

(Okay so perhaps they weren’t technically tree-houses, but great elaborate platforms anyway. But I’m still calling them treehouses.)

For a while I progressed by my superior archery skills, but after a time.... I did become curious about the great big.... mechanisms placed here and there. Things the Gorons used in their mining, no doubt.

I inspected one of them. It had a great big wide barrel, angled somewhere between thirty and forty-five degrees up from the horizon, on one end, and on the other end.... why that looked just like....

I took out my Sheikah Slate, and called upon Ja Baij.

The round bomb rolled perfectly into the little hole.

I backed up for safety, and detonated—and a hulking chunk of flaming hot rock came BOOMING out of the barrel! It arced over the lava lake and.... exploded pointlessly on the molten surface.

It was still pretty cool, though. I did it a few more times just for fun. X-) It turned out I didn’t need to back up for the bomb-blast; the mechanism seemed to contain it. Nifty!

Still, there had to be more to it.... There was one other part of the mechanism yet. It looked like a handle. But I couldn’t throw it. The A button didn’t work. Bombs didn’t work. In desperation I tried my sword—that worked. Though I hated to shorten the life of my weapons.

At the turn of the switch, the whole mechanism rotated. And wouldn’t you know it, why, I do declare, the barrel looked like it just about lined up perfectly with that there treehouse full of Lizalfos now.

Hmmm.

I rolled in another bomb, and set it off.

You ever blow up—just blow up—a whole treehouse before?

It feels good, man.

Some of the baddie-nests were situated between the set angles of the cannons, and so I had to get creative with my timing. But all in all, I’d say I got the hang of using the cannons pretty well down.

My gosh what pandemonious delight.

Riot! XD

Once I’d cleaned out most of the whole smattering of islets, there was just one more cracked stone barrier to breach, at the top of the final mountaintop. One cannonblast took it out easily enough. And holed up in the back of that cavern.... was Yunobo, I presumed.

“Oh man, oh man, oh man—” he whimpered, fearing the monsters had broken through and were now come to get him....! His voice was young, and light. Especially for a Goron.

But it wasn’t monsters; it was just me.

We exchanged some words, about who I was, and what Boss Bludo had asked me to do. Aside from the light blue neckerchief, Yunobo looked like most other Gorons, though his eyes were not quite so large. He also had a funny little cowlick on his crown that hung over to one side. How old was this . . . dare I say kid?

With the way cleared of monsters, Yunobo took the painkillers and went back to the town.

But I stayed to satisfy my shrine-detector.

It was difficult to get a fix on the signal’s direction, with so little footing beneath me. But I couldn’t see the shrine anywhere anyway; it had to be hidden.

There were some metal rails leading into a cave beneath that rockpile-island that resembled a crab.... and the signal did seem strongest in that general direction....

David was most anxious to watch me figure out the railcars.

Ever see Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom?

Yeah it was kinda like that. O_O

All my flashbacks were of zipping unbalanced over hot lava and sailing over gaps in the rails, Indy grabbing a hank of that curly blonde hair and shoving everyone’s heads down into the cart. I was legitimately frightened that I might flip over if I went too fast! But I made it to the crab island without incident, and there indeed was the shrine. I beat it, went back, wandered around town a bit more.... but did not speak immediately to Bludo again.

Rather—as is so my wont—I decided to take a detour, and go and visit the Great Fairies to spruce up my new Flamebreaker clothes.

Kaysa first—she blew her magic on me. Cotera next, and she bopped me with a kissed finger.

And then I realized: it didn’t seem to matter which fairy magicked up my wardrobe. The first level up would always be done with a blow, the second with a bop, and the third with a giant kiss right to the face.

I guessed any given fairy could just as well do more than one level too, and I didn’t have to travel between them.

But I couldn’t see Mija or any other fairy about upping my Firebreaker armor a third level just then anyway, because I was short a number of something called Smotherwing Butterflies—and that was a critter I’d not yet encountered.

In fact, it seemed there were lots of ingredients I was short of to have my wardrobe enhanced anymore.

Ice Keese wings. Well certainly those were easy, I thought, and warped to the Keh Namut Shrine on the Great Plateau. I went hunting around those peaks and Mount Hylia.... but was only able to harvest one Ice Keese wing in the end.

What other cold places did I know?

Hunting around, hunting around.... as the hour grew later.... hunting around....

Until....

....

I didn’t quite remember where I stopped.

Big Boss Bludo

Waking of Saturday, August 12, 2017 ~ 3

Big Boss Bludo

That was probably the fastest I’d ever bought clothes.

!

My male friends should be proud of me. XD

The Firebreaker Armor was thick, and ruddy, the Greaves looked like robot legs, and the Helm covered my whole head but for a bar-guarded visor in the front for me to see through.

I still really wondered whether I’d just made a big dumb purchase. I was moving so fast—did I want to replay any of this? Savor it more somehow?

But I was here now. And here was where I’d meant to come.

I’d forced my way in.

Hoo.

I decided to take a little walk to catch my breath. I talked here and there, I saw items for sale, food for sale, I met a young Goron selling Fireproof Elixirs in the thoroughfare (he became quite waspish as I regrettably refused him). There were a few other shops I saw as I wandered around, as well as an inn.

This inn didn’t offer regular beds and slightly more expensive soft beds, as I’d seen elsewhere in Hyrule; but rather regular stays and—for a similar extra fee—body massages. Allegedly this would leave you feeling more rejuvenated and energized in the morning, although.... it was hard to keep from imagining, rather, what a pitiful pulp I’d be mashed into beneath those huge Goron fists....

Perhaps what surprised me most inside the inn, however, was the sight of a Gerudo kicking back in a chair by the window.

I spoke with her. Yamella I think was her name.

“Sav’aaq,” she greeted me, “Flirting in the middle of the day are we? Bold.”

WAT.  ._.  “That’s not what I—” Who the heck was this lady? “Aren’t you hot?” I asked her.

But she said she had slathered fireproof elixir over her skin. “There’s a Goron brat outside selling it, if you want any,” she said.

Yeah I’d met him.

Yamella was a jeweler, visiting here for the minerals. But again, Vah Rudania slowed up her business as well.

After a short walk around town, I followed my shrine-detector up to the resident Sheikah Shrine, and beat it. On the walk back, a Goron named Bargoh made me grin when he asked, “What are you doing here, little guy?”

Little guy? It was like something I’d say to a small animal.

Heh, I guess Hylians are kinda tiny compared to Gorons.

Well.... Goron City was reached, the heat was averted, and the natives were restless.

It was time to talk to that elder Goron beneath the blinking yellow dot on my map.

Bludo was his name. He was huge and old, and stooped, and he was the boss of this town.

Heh, “boss”. That’s what they called him. There was something.... charmingly blatant about that title.

Vah Rudania itself allegedly didn’t pose much of a problem to the Gorons—they could handle the Divine Beast.

It was the fact that it kept coming back.

No matter how many times they beat it back with their giant cannons, it always returned to stomp around the volcano’s cone.

But there was another problem. Bludo seemed to have overstrained his back, and it was very painful for him to move, let alone operate the cannons. Even as he spoke to me, there were a couple of times his muscles spasmed and his back emitted a superlow hardcore flesh-coated CRUNCH.

Ouch. >_O;;

He had sent a young Goron named Yunobo to fetch some painkillers from the store of supplies up at the North Mine, but Yunobo hadn’t come back yet.

Three guesses what he asked me to do next.

HOTFOOTING IT

Waking of Saturday, August 12, 2017 ~ 2

HOTFOOTING IT

Perhaps it was that I had so recently finally consumed one of the Spicy Omelets in my inventory. Perhaps it was that I now had plenty of Fireproof Lizards in my pockets. Perhaps I just couldn’t take being called That guy who backed out of the endurance challenge.

Or maybe my shame had finally caught up with me for being such a dawdler.

I warped to the shrine in the desert near Digdogg Suspension Bridge, and hiked from there up into the mountain until I found Bayge, Heehl, Kabetta, and their giant molten hotplate of death.

I hopped up onto it, my clothes started to smoke, and Bayge’s cinematic wound up in an overdone countdown that had me juddering to hit the pause button and find that elixir!

Freedom of movement came soon enough. (Link’s overheated expression in the pause menu looked quite duressed!) I found the elixir, downed it, and returned to the game to find myself.... standing rather sedately on the glowing hot skillet, smoke no longer issuing from my person. That was nice.

I wondered if they’d give me fireproof clothing for beating this! I’d forgotten that it was actually a Shrine Challenge, and so was only slightly disappointed when Bayge called time and the thing rumbled up out of the earth.

The Gorons were all wowed and impressed anyway.

I beat the shrine, collected the Spirit Orb, and decided.... it had been long enough.

With a few more freshly-cooked Fireproof Elixirs in my pockets, I warped to the Eldin Tower.

Setting my face toward what appeared on my map to be the quickest road to Goron City, and what appeared before my face to be a random tangle of ash-slides and twisted rock, I stepped to the edge of the tower, and took a flying leap.

Fwoom! went the thermometer as smoke began billowing from my clothes again. And into the pause menu I went, downed another elixir, returned to the game.... and was safe in my silent glide into the inferno.

The time limit for the elixir’s effect ticked soundlessly away, gleaming unobtrusively in the upper left corner with all the innocence of the impending vacuum of space. The upper volcano was eerie. The glow of the lava so close and ash and lit cinders in the air.

But my boots soon hit the rock, and I was on a mission. I didn’t stop for Lizalfos. I didn’t stop for ore. I didn’t stop for critters.

I had to get to Goron City.

I tried to stay high and cut the corners of the path in my HUD map, capitalizing on the chance to cover distance by paraglider. And when my flight speed and altitude were spent, and I flushed down into the low road, I sprinted. I could only keep on hoofing it up the track.

And then of a sudden I burst through the midst of a gang of Gorons hard at work—the South Mine this place was called. I stopped to talk to a rather swarthy one in a hardhat, some kind of foreman or boss I gathered. The dialogue paused the timer, as I’d hoped it would. But I still didn’t catch his name; I felt too eager to continue.

The Goron simply expounded on what they were about, and how Vah Rudania, the Divine Beast, prevented them from accessing their other mining areas further into the mountain.

How interesting, I thought, and kept on running.

If I’d been feeling a bit more lax, I might have spent some time and thought wondering about the music. There was something.... very familiar about it here in the mining area, and further up the trail. Must’ve been a track I’d heard on a CD; it didn’t sound like it came from a game I owned....

And then Link came to a halt and shook as an awful roaring rent the air—

What about my timer?

The timer was gone. The screen faded instead to a much closer view of the Divine Beast Vah Rudania as it prowled around the cone of the volcano.

My gosh it was....

It was....

But how does one describe the cinematic passing of a Divine Beast, wherein every intricate detail, every curve and corner, every arch, rib and strut of its gleaming bronzy form is at last able to be glimpsed?

I already knew it was big.

....

The short cinematic ended and I kept on running. More and more bits of deliberate metalwork showed up, in archways, in fenceposts, in bridges. Gorons stood or walked here and there. I passed them. I could see the habitation drawing nearer in my HUD map. The name Goron City glowed across the screen. I could see the yellow dot indicating the one I was supposed to meet with. My fireproof timer was about to run out—

That big old stooped Goron was the one I needed to talk to—I ran into the town—Somehow reaching that point had become connected in my mind with the last crossing of this whole terrible bridge. Surely beyond that there would be some sort of fix, some sort of respite. Although.... there also might not be—I sprinted past rocky structures—What would I do when I had painted myself into a corner? What would I do when I had finished speaking with this elder Goron, and found myself in imminent danger of spontaneous combustion? Did I talk to the guy or—

WAIT.

Less than fifteen seconds.

My eyes darted to my HUD map. The building icons had populated.

Clothing shop, clothing shop.... There it was!

Less than ten seconds.

I ran inside, looked at the wares—600—700—2000 rupees—I had money.

Less than five seconds.

I bought them all and put them on—

And I was safe.

And I stood there as my timer ran out.

....

I looked like an old-timey scuba-diver.

....

. . . . . . .

Do you ever wonder if you’ve just made a big dumb purchase?

Bird-Man Returns

Waking of Saturday, August 12, 2017

Bird-Man Returns

One of the folks at Tabantha Bridge Stable had heard tell of some kind of platform out on a place called Washa’s Bluff. I could see the spot plain enough on my map. So I gave it a visit.

It was near those scablands with the mushroomy treethings. The platform turned out to be another one of those orange pedestals I’d seen here and there. And nearby, atop the largest treething in the vicinity, there came that dulcet waltzing accordion....

“Kass!” I said.

I tried to climb up to him.

The treethings (I really don’t know what else to call them) stood in a fairly dense little cluster just there, and it looked like I might be able to climb from one to another to get to him....

But those things flare out wide as you go up. The trunks bell outward like a trumpet. The surface was soon so inverted that I lost my grip, and fell.

Rather missed my paraglider that time. Ouch.

How could I get up to where Kass was?

I cast my eyes about my surroundings, and they fell on Satori Mountain.

It seemed.... tall.... I supposed....

I looked again at Kass’s treething, and at Satori Mountain.

Maybe....

Yes, it seemed like an angle similar to the one I’d exploited to paraglide from that other mountain to that Sheikah Tower so easily.

Which by the way had been David’s least favorite tower. Those Wizzrobes, he said, he couldn’t handle the Wizzrobes.

I did not draw any happy faces from him when I told him how quickly and easily I’d done it.

My turn to be smug for once!

But the height of Satori Mountain seemed like it might just be enough to get me up onto Kass’s treething by paraglider.

I warped to the shrine near Satori’s peak, and gave it a shot.

I clambered up to the very highest point I could get to, one of those three tall jutting stones at the crest, and got my bearings, reorienting myself to this new angle. There was Washa’s Bluff waaaay down below me, with its little cluster of treethings. It was the very same; I made sure on my map. That was the bunch where Kass stood and played his accordion.

I stood tall and regarded my intended destination. Hm. Looked like it might be close. I’d definitely need a good start....

I jumped, deployed my paraglider at the highest.... and started to sail.

It was a long way.

You know, sometimes you can tell, as you near a target, whether you’re going to make it or not. But as I drew nearer and nearer to Kass’s treething....parallax did not draw the choice landing-zone up or down my range of sight. It stayed fixed directly in front of my waist as I flew down through the air. Course corrections became costly and precious. I was on a razor’s edge.

I really wasn’t sure I was going to make it! It was a close thing.... But at last I came to the end of my long, long paraglide PRECISELY on the very outer lip of the big mushroomy top of Kass’s giant treething.

I’d made it!

And with a song, Kass told me the platform had something to do with the Blood Moon. I guessed if I stood there during the next one I’d find out more.

But there was more atop this treething than just Kass—there was a little hut of some kind, pleasantly open to the air and with a few simple furnishings and a bed.... and with Kass’s journal in it.

I read it; it contained the lyrics to all the songs his late teacher had taught him. Some I recognized, some I didn’t. Seemed there were many shrines yet to scare up.

Ah, I do love crossing paths with Kass. ^_^

The Worst of Bad Ideas

Waking of Friday, August 11, 2017 ~ 5

The Worst of Bad Ideas

I warped to Robbie’s place, and spoke with Cherry.

But I was still a few gears short—she wouldn’t be crafting me the Ancient Cuirass today.

Rats.

I went back outside. Full of the restlessness of the thwarted, I again regarded the large, cubic maze standing in the sea. The last (and only) time I’d tried to paraglide to it, I’d run out of stamina just before I got there.

I had more stamina now.

....

In a raging fit of stupid, I leapt for it again.

The wind was not on my side.

One, two, three, and four Guardian Flyers once again came into view as I neared, sweeping over the corridors like vultures. Did Guardian Stalkers roam the paths beneath?

There was the entrance, that solitary gap in the strange, monumental edifice.

I touched down near the lip with both altitude and stamina to spare.

Lomei Labyrinth Island it was called.

A Guardian Stalker crouched at the far end of the large, central court.

It wasn’t moving.

I consulted my map.

Only one pathway seemed to lead to the shrine at the back, the first pathway on the right off the central court.

I took a step—

And the monk of the Sheikah Shrine addressed me. His name was Tu Ka’Loh.

His treasure would be mine if I could find the end of the labyrinth.

And as his words ended, I realized the boundary of his foreboding welcome must also have been the boundary of that Guardian Stalker’s ken—for it lit up and started moving toward me, preceded by its needling laser....

I booked it to the right, found the hole, dashed in quick, turned around a corner, and hid, my heart’s blood in my eyes and my lungs running silent—where were those Flyers?

The Piano drew in close to me, plinking its unobtrusive G minor again.

I gazed at the blue crack of sky above me, waiting for one of them to pass, desperate to learn its pattern, and so evade it....

But if I sat here too long, would something else find me?

I looked at my map again. I could see the way to go. Maybe if I just made a run for it....

But as I turned corners, pressed myself into walls, wedged into alcoves and dead ends, my eyes combing the strips of sky above for deadly threats.... I found that the maze seemed to be emptier than I had thought.

Almost.

A few stray Keese and Flame Chuchus wandered here and there. But they posed little threat.

I had thought that, as my map seemed to indicate, some of the passages were only an intricate series of dead ends. But I soon discovered that they were more thoroughly interconnected than I could have imagined. Ladders led up to hidden chambers inside the walls, huge Magnesable blocks revealed further sprawling junctions.... I soon became quite lost, my only gauges of proximity to the shrine my Sheikah Slate and HUD.

Wandering in the northern reaches of the tangle, I soon turned off my shrine locator; the beeping combined with the towering entrapment of the maze was enough to make one mad. And the deceptive boundaries shown on my map eroded my resolve to follow the map at all. I began to chase down every avenue I could, running, turning, delving, trying, hitting dead ends, spilling into endless branches of corridors....

Actually I reminded myself something awful of Fleur Delacour in the fourth Harry Potter movie.

But I hadn’t quite lost my mind yet....

Eventually I did come to that topmost corridor on the map—the one that surely would lead me to the shrine—

It didn’t.

It was just a long hallway.

I could hear the Islander Hawks crying. But when I looked up, I only saw a Guardian Flyer sweeping over the top of the maze, the red light of its eye swiveling....

Seemed they couldn’t see all the way to the bottom where I was, though.

The mighty labyrinth walls were climbable, as it turned out.

The Flyers were only there to keep me from cheating.

For all the hidden passages there seemed to be, I could find no way to get to the western half of the labyrinth. I had dashed into that hole on the east, and east was where I had been. But was the way to the shrine in the western half of the island after all?

The only way I could see to get to the western side was to cross the central court. There was only one problem—and when I’d crossed into the maze, that problem had started patrolling around. The Guardian Stalker was still too big to enter the tight labyrinth passages. But it made the central space a very dangerous place to enter, or even to look in on. I’d passed by those doorways a few times, and every time the Guardian saw me, it would gleam hot red and the Piano would make a fuss before I got the heck outta there!

But I couldn’t be afraid forever.

And I needed to get to the western side of the labyrinth....

And—rare gifts I’d received, but never used—I did have four Ancient Arrows on me.

And I’d heard some hearsay lately.... One man I spoke to said he’d heard that an Ancient Arrow could take down a Guardian in one shot.

One shot?

I’d heard they were strong against Guardians, but.... Really?

Could it be true?

I could do it.

I just had to keep my cool.

Such a nervous thrill of dread as I stood around the corner of an entrance to the court, hearing the approaching tunk-tunk-tunk of its feet, watching its life-meter (1500) float across the screen—thanks, Champion’s Tunic.

I let it complete its pattern once more.... and then stepped out where it would see me on its next pass.... and waited.

It had wandered off northward, toward where the Shrine was. It would come back south along the west side before turning in my direction.... and it did.

A hot red glow. A rush from the Piano. The laser found my shirt. I zipped behind the corner again. But that didn’t quiet its intent approach.

I took another peek. So did the Guardian, with its laser. It was still coming my way as I again ducked behind the stone. It was quite a mossy old thing, now I took the time to look.

It came right up to the wall, right up to the entrance—dared I step where I could see its eye and try a few practice shots with normal—ITS LEG CAME THROUGH THE HOLE AND STARTED STEPPING AROUND NOPE—NOPE BACK UP—YUP—’KAY—THAT WAS A GOOD PRACTICE RUN—GONNA LET IT RESUME ITS PATTERN NOW.

I pulled back.

Good GRAVY I pulled back for a moment.

Okay.

Okay I just had to take care of business before it got that close again.

I could do this.

Hoooo....

It wandered back into its patrol, and I again stepped out from behind the corner. And again it turned to see me right on that parallel, dead ahead across the court. And again the Piano threw up the cry and the Guardian and I played a deadly game of peek-a-boo chicken with each other, I lingering so long on one look that it actually fired a blast into the hole where I was—I evaded the fireball.

And when it was close—but not too close—I stepped out for the last time and took aim with my bow and a plain, wooden arrow.

The Guardian glowed so bright magenta and angry, white-hot power whirring up in its casing as its laser found me.

It was close enough. I could hit that.

I let fly.

Khing!

That SOUND—that WINNING SOUND that lets you know you’ve struck somewhere tender!

And the Guardian lurched backward—its head swiveled as if to clear itself—found me again—glowed that angry red—

I let fly again.

Khing!

Another arrow to the eye! Another lurch, another stumble, another shaking and regaining itself—A shot to the eye could forestall the laser.

The Guardian locked onto me again.

And I let fly again.

Khing!

And that was enough practice.

The Guardian recovered, began to glow—

I nocked one of my four precious Ancient Arrows....

....and let fly.

And for some reason the spectacle I remember most vividly was not the smashing, the glowing, the shattering, the breaking, the crumbling down, the hot glowing to explode—

It was the instantaneous, complete and utter darkening.... erasing.... EMPTYING of the life-meter.

I, with one Ancient Arrow, had slain a Guardian Stalker.

I cheered as I ran out to collect the spoils it had left behind—including three Ancient Gears! Still left me one short for the Cuirass, but what progress this was! I would have to come back here after the next Blood Moon!

The central court was now mine to cross freely, and I plunged into the west side of the maze. This side likewise had hidden passages and alcoves, all in a deucedly confusing tangle. But after a very long while, I came to a series of staircases that took me up, up, up to the chamber where the Shrine was. Tu Ka’Loh you dastardly....

There was no challenge inside the shrine. Of course it was a Blessing Shrine.

I came up to the requisite chest, wondering if I’d have room in my inventory for whatever weapon this might be.

But it wasn’t a weapon this time.

It was a Barbarian Helm.

A menacing, bleach-bone skull over the crown; long, cruel, curving horns on either side; and a wicked mane of wily red hair down the back.

I might have accidentally glimpsed something like this on the internet once....

But seeing it now, taking my time to take it all in from every angle....

It was AWESOME.  >u<

Well, new clothes meant only one thing: time to see a Fairy.

I went first to Mija, then to Kaysa, and each of them enhanced my new Barbarian Helm by one level. But after that I needed more materials.... materials I didn’t have time to collect at that moment because of how very late it was and how very tired I was getting.

But content that I had conquered the most daunting shrine on my map, and acquired a WICKED new hat.... I warped back to the shrine by the Tabantha Bridge Stable.... saved.... and quit.

At Tabantha Bridge

Waking of Friday, August 11, 2017 ~ 4

At Tabantha Bridge

After visiting with Branli I continued down the long road that wound around the Seres Scablands—the place I’d seen north of Satori Mountain, the place with those strange mushroom-like treethings sprouting up out of the earth.

I’d seen a Mount Rhoam nearby on my map, and I wanted to see if that little body of water on it was a Fairy Fountain....

Before I got there however, I came to a crossroads beside which a signpost stood in the grass. It warned me to beware of suspicious characters I might see on the road, of bandits in the area who might attack me.

A woman stood OH SO CONVENIENTLY nearby.

....

Well I wouldn’t be the Hero if I weren’t a proper Fool.

I spoke to her.

Her name was Traveler.

“Dang it!” I shouted.

She threatened to kill me and we had it out. She gave me quite a bit of trouble, this one, but I struck her as I was able. She kept dancing just out of reach....

“Nimble little minx, ain’t she?” said Dad, who was in the room, and I laughed. XD

In the end I took her down and stole her bananas and hurried on up the road to a new stable—the Tabantha Bridge Stable. And a shrine. Which I had trouble accessing at the first by dint of it being up over a small ledge which I was obliged to scale in the rain. But I did get to it, and locked down the warpable.

Did that shrine have Guardians in it?

Where did I get.... more gears....?

Three men stood in a conspicuous huddle outside the stable, just begging to be eavesdropped upon. I approached them and they told me about the Leviathans that used to roam the land, and the giant bones they had left behind.

Ah.

So perhaps those weren’t Dodongos after all.

They asked if I would scout out the three Leviathan skeletons that were known in the land, and then come back and report or show them pictures or something....

At least I knew where one of them was....

Well I checked out Mount Rhoam, but there weren’t any Fairy Fountains on it. Conveniently enough, however, there was another man at the stable, name of Toren, who gave me a clue about a Great Fairy nearby! And he asked, if I were going to go looking for her, would I please make an offering to the Great Fairy for him?

I agreed and he gave me five hundred rupees.

He said something about the Sheikah Tower across Tabantha Bridge—some time in the afternoon, its shadow would point to where the Great Fairy lived....

Hmmm but I wasn’t sure I wanted to get that tower just yet, and so was hesitant to go near it and be tempted....

Do you find it ridiculous?

Why do I play the way I play?

What.

I’m savoring.

I’m breadcrumbing.

I’m exploring.

WHAT.

Instead of chasing after the tower’s shadow, I went back to my map, and studied the Gerudo Tower. I remembered standing near that one all day waiting for its shadow to crawl to where I was. Studying my map and recalling where that shadow had passed, I concluded that any afternoon shadow would be cast first southward, and then sweep counterclockwise to the east as the sun sank lower.

By sight, I placed a marker on the tower across Tabantha Bridge. On the empty blue map in my Sheikah Slate, I added two more markers at healthy distances south and east from the first marker. This pie-slice would be my search area....

And I plunged across the bridge....

A Guardian Flyer seemed to patrol near the road that wound off toward the left. And so as was my wont I took to the hills. I thoroughly searched my little grid around what seemed like it would be the midway point of the shadow’s afternoon course, but to no avail. At length I stood frustrated on top of a high rock, scanning all around me for those bright orange toadstools, that big green cocoon.... but saw nothing.

Disappointed, I moved to the rock’s edge to float down.... and saw the cocoon directly below me.

There was no water nearby.

I floated down, and spoke to the fairy inside.

A thousand rupees she asked for. But that was easy enough, especially with Toren’s help! I handed it over.

The cocoon burst open into a beautiful golden bloom. This fairy’s name was Kaysa. She had slightly darker skin, and sported a gaudy collection of pink-accented jewelry, the bangles on her necklace stark and triangular.

And then there was her hair. It was light pink just the same to match. But if Mija’s pompadour had been the pleasantly proportioned fluff of a strutting prairie-grouse.... Kaysa’s streaming fountain of bangs was more like a long-necked flamingo.

I had her work her magic on some of my clothes, and rather than blow magic at me or bop me with a kissed finger.... SHE LEANED RIGHT DOWN AND KISSED MY FACE.

Link covered his face in a fright before that cinematic was over. XD And it left him gasping and panting like he does when he runs out of stamina! XD XD XD

When I’d had all the clothes enhanced that I could, I went back to Toren and he gave me his thanks.... and I thought of some other clothes I rather wanted to acquire....

I’d recently collected a few more Ancient Gears.

It was time to pay Robbie a visit, and see if Cherry could forge anything for me....

Bird-Man

Waking of Friday, August 11, 2017 ~ 3

Bird-Man

On top of the cliff west of Serenne Stable I heard another shrine, but just like the one in the Forgotten Temple, for the life of me I could not pin it down!

It took a couple of flying leaps from the cliff top for me to notice—and get to—an explodable bit of rock halfway down the sheer rock face.

A Blessing Shrine was inside.

I was feeling just dandy by this point! ^_^

I kept climbing the mountain until I got just about to its crest, from which I had a clear and open view of a Sheikah Tower somewhere between south and east.

I knew this tower. It stood in the center of a body of water atop a roundish, bald plateau. From a distance it had always looked easy enough to reach, though I was certain there had to be some trick or riddle to it. For I had passed this tower many times in my wanderings, but never yet attempted to climb it.

It was time to try it now. I considered my altitude.... and took more direct approach: via PARAGLIDER! 8D

As I sailed toward it I wondered whether I’d come up short and land in the water. I hoped not; there could be baddies in there, maybe creeping evil things I hadn’t even encountered before. Deep water does things to your mind—you don’t know what could be lurking in the depths....

But as I drew near, I could tell that my course would keep me from getting wet. Only just! But that was good enough. And it was a good thing, too, because I saw what the resident obstacle was: the water teemed with awful things that would surely wish to do me harm at first sight. Electric Lizalfos churned through the surface, wielding strange Thunder-weapons I’d never seen before; more Lizalfos patrolled the shore; and a handful of Lightning Wizzrobes skipped gleefully around the lower airs.

Hm, wish I’d been able to come in a little higher.

I wondered if this were the tower David said was his least favorite....

I landed on the lowest platform, and waited only long enough to regain my stamina. Lucky for me Wizzrobes like to skip around invisible for a while after they spot you. If these had been flying wolves.... I’d’ve had problems. But I climbed as quick as I could, resting only as long as I needed, and the shots from their Lightning Rods were easy to dodge.

Still.... I couldn’t help but recall my experience at the Lake Tower. Would they cook up some kind of super lightning storm if they couldn’t catch me after a while?

Plink! Plink! Plink! They continued to stalk me invisibly, ascending as I did up the tower...

I might’ve taken just one hit, but it wasn’t bad, and there was a platform just beneath me. Otherwise I made it to the top in a trice without a hitch.

There was a man up there.

His name was Branli, and he seemed to have been stranded a la Gruve as the Sheikah Tower burst out of the ground.

Dear me I take too much time wandering; this Branli could have starved to death—

Branli was very into studying the Bird-men. In fact, he asked me if I were one of them, as he wasn’t sure how else I could have gotten onto the tower. We got to the topic of how to get down, and he was shocked at my claim to be able to simply fly down. He asked me to demonstrate—I put him off for only a moment, so I could activate the tower—

Hey, it was an easy way down, but there was no telling whether the game would bring me back up to the top!

I downloaded the map, was delighted to finally have an image of Satori Mountain and a setting for all my stamps and shrine-icons, glanced over the features of the land with all their interesting names—and shuddered as I FINALLY discovered the name of that great toothy CRACK in the earth just north of Jeddo Bridge....

The Breach of Demise.

Uhhhuhuhuhuhhh....

I thought of the proximity of the Forgotten Temple.... and that giant Goddess statue.... and wondered....

But at length I came back to myself, and this Branli, and agreed to demonstrate flying on my paraglider for him. He told me to go for distance, and so I flew directly into the lower lands of the Breach, touching down, as it happened, just about in the middle of that nest of Bokoblins with their two skull-dens....

But fortunately, the game did zip me right back up to the tower, and Branli’s report: I had flown over six hundred meters! He was quite impressed, and invited me to come and give it another go whenever I had the chance.

Heh, funny man. ^_^

The Trouble with Boomers

Waking of Friday, August 11, 2017 ~ 2

The Trouble with Boomers

I still stood over the head of the Forgotten Temple Valley and—confusticate and beBOTHER the sirens of this game—I was hungry to keep exploring!

Well there was that shrine and stable I could see far to the west across the green fields.

Onward! ^_^

Oh it was a long and rainy jog to get there.

David had seen me playing at one point, or actually I think I had described to him where I was. And I’d told him I wanted to go grab that very accessible looking shrine and stable.

David scoffed and said I’d freeze before I got there.

ò.Ó

I’d said it didn’t look that cold.

But David assured me the environment would be far too cold.

Hm! I’d see about that! u_u

The road went on and on and on, and the rain did not abate. I found at least one Korok up on top of an old ruined hut, and I met.... probably Chabi again. We sheltered beneath the splintered half-roof to chat for just a bit.

There were an awful lot of arrows stuck into the ruined buildings around here. I collected them where I could, but.... it made me wonder how it had gotten like that. What rivaling powers had clashed here?

At length I came to the Serenne Stable.

And it was NOT too cold for me.

HA, David! >8D

I skipped up the adjacent hill and completed the local shrine, and then.... decided to keep following the road. North of the path, before a great mountain cliff, there was a tall tower with a lookout platform on top. It stood beside a camp of Bokoblins.

I ran in and started to climb before they could stop me, and—ah, delight of delights—found a red-barrel boomer on top. ^_^

I peered over the edge; all the Bokoblins were gathered near the base of the tower. I picked up the boomer, and just dropped it over the edge.

And then something happened I had not expected.

Evidently the very tower I stood upon was not immune to the blast. The platform fell out from beneath my feet and I found myself falling through a mess of splintered wood!

Oops.

I remembered my paraglider before I met the ground, but meet the ground I did—along with a squad of angry, burning Bokoblins.

A terrific fire-fight ensued. Grass alight. Blazing clubs swinging. Hot times down on the ground I tell you wot!

After I dispatched them I made a note to never drop any more powder kegs close to the structures I was standing on, and proceeded to climb the mountain.

To See What I Could See

Waking of Friday, August 11, 2017

To See What I Could See

You know, lately I try not to play too far ahead before I’ve written up my adventures so far. I really do. But man....

I don’t know what came over me on this day. It’s a Zelda game. It’s a siren. It’s Blow it all I just wanna play the game and be the Hero. Escape to Hyrule. Divert my mind. Fly me away and tell me stories....

I was still in the deepest recesses of the Forgotten Temple.

David said he’d just warped out of that one. But.... There were no convenient shrines to warp to outside. I think the closest one was Ketoh Wawai, and that one was all in the dark with a Hinox next to it.

I didn’t want to have to traverse any huge distances again. How was I going to get out of here?

....

Well, I decided to just try the same way I’d gotten in—on the air currents. I climbed up the giant Goddess statue for some altitude (pardon me, Lady) and wouldn’t you know.... I made it out unscathed this time! ^_^

After that I climbed back up to where the shrine-detector had vexed me, near where I’d met Yammo and seen my first Tabantha Moose.

My blue marker was right there on that red mountain.

What had I seen on top of that mountain?

I needed to go get it—NOW.

It had always been my wont to keep so many things in reserve until NEVER, because what if I had more urgent need of them down the road?

But I chucked that notion out the window as I perused my very old stock of Spicy Omelets. Surely they should have molded over by now.... but! My hammerspace pockets seemed also to act as the perfect preservation larder.

I ate an omelet, and charged up the road, not stopping for anything! I scrambled over the rough red rocks, straight up the mountainside! My blue marker drew nearer in my HUD map....! And UP over a little crest and it would be in sight!

I had a little difficulty focusing on it however as I seemed to have disturbed a little camp of cold-blooded baddies. Bokoblins, Ice Keese, White Chuchus.

I swiveled my scope madly—there it was! My blue marker!

It was a tree.

I had placed it on the naked trunk of a frozen tree.

....

I ran toward it! Straight through the baddie-camp and further up the hill! Passed the tree, the marker disappeared, and I kept running! I didn’t care to engage any of those things just now!

But higher up on the crest of the mountain was something that made me pull up a short. o_o I snapped its pictograph just as it turned its massive head and noticed me.

A Great-Horned Rhinoceros.

It was big, and woolly! With a blue-grey coat, and an enormous mean-lookin’ horn on its nose!

It charged and I jumped out of the way! Turned and pinked it with my sword. It bellowed and ran away. I ran but couldn’t catch it.... fired one arrow—it groared again—landed a second arrow....!

And it was down!

That was a great lotta meat to harvest! I scooped it all up quick and skipped up to the very tip of the mountain.

The warming effect from my spicy omelet would run out soon.... I decided I would paraglide back to the warmer climes!

And I did—it was a very long flight and I started freezing before I escaped the frigid air. But I managed to touch down on a warmer hill just above where I had started, near that bend in the path that curves around the head of the Forgotten Temple Valley.

GOT the blue marker!

Where to next? :D