BLOODY UNWATCHED POT

Evening of Tuesday, September 4, 2018

BLOODY UNWATCHED POT

The Hateno Tower gave me an excellent vantage point. Now I just had to wait. What phase of the moon was it again....?

There it was creeping over the horizon: waning gibous.

I warped back to the Deku Tree’s Navel and sat by the fire. Again. And again. And again.

David remarked that the Koroks must have thought me very weird. Just sitting there unmoving on my haunches for such a long time.

I counted sittings until the full moon night, whereupon I warped to the Muwo Jeem Shrine on the eastern edge of the map. I would definitely get the earliest possible notice looking out over the sea from here....

And up came the big full moon....

It was white. Not red.

Rats!

Okay! I thought to myself, here is what I will do then! I would just go about my business as usual, and then, as each night fell, I would just warp back here to the Muwo Jeem Shrine over the sea and check.

Oh but first I would need to test, yes.... How long would it take me to make it to Washa’s Bluff from the shrine by Tabantha Bridge? I warped there to try it....

The night-speed of the Stealth Suit would help. I touched down on the warp pad at 10:25 pm, and started running. I did not make time to correct the camera angle and so had a bit of a stumble getting off the little hill and down to the ground, but I got the general direction well enough!

Augh, and then I accidentally ran myself out of stamina—Link slumped into a slow, panting jog for a few moments while he recovered—but that was all right, this was only a test run after all. And I wouldn’t make that mistake during the actual Blood Moon....

I dashed and sprinted ahead, giving no satisfaction to the Keese and Stal-creatures hounding my footsteps.

I made it to the pedestal by Kass’ treeshroom—AND THE TERRIBLE ACCORDION RANG DOWN THROUGH MY TEMPLES—and it was five or ten minutes past midnight. I was late.

Hmmmm.... But I had only started at 10:25.... I would be able to see a Blood Moon come up over the sea before that time of night.

Moon usually rose about ten o’clock....

I could make it in an hour and forty minutes....

I could make it to Washa’s Bluff....

I would just go about my business in the meanwhile, yes....

Business as usual.

I was stark raving moon-mad crazy.

I visited Tera and suffered a clothes-alignment conniption inside my menus—I didn’t want to rearrange my closet. But I was short on most materials anyway.

And so I had the BRILLIANT idea to just go back to the beginning per Vizzini, go back to the plateau, and loot EVERYTHING, and take the old east road I had taken before—there were lots of minerals along the way, like between the Dueling Peaks....

Unfortunately the Great Plateau had nothing but a plethora of mushrooms. I killed the Talus anyway. And many Bokoblins. So many Bokoblins. What a killing spree.

When I realized and remembered that the Plateau yielded only the most basic of materials, I paraglided down and headed east through the old ruins anyway, cleaning out the Moblins as I went. I sniffed around every corner, looking everywhere, turning over treasure chest after treasure chest that I just couldn’t fit in my inventory.

I’d meant to explore this place more thoroughly later anyway. Huh, “later”. When exactly was “later”? I’d thought of it back when I first left the plateau. But I’d had to find Impa then, and I hadn’t been strong enough.

I came upon a weapon stamp I had left on my map, for in case I was ever in desperate need of something strong. And at the indicated location, thrust into the earth at the center of a shallow rain-pool.... was a Rusty Halberd.

How little I used to be.

The ruins were a somber place. Inside some of them I could see where I was sure that.... beds.... used to stand. Such simple little dwellings. And I imagined the faithful, loyal guards who must have manned them.

Our poor country.

I continued searching, chasing out a Korok at the top of a weathered flagpole—my gosh there were so many such towers in the field—how many of them hid Koroks? And there turned out to be more Moblins than I had realized between the Plateau and Proxim Bridge as well. Big Yiga Clansmen came out to play sometimes. I killed them too.

Then suddenly I looked up AND THE MOON WAS RED. I GASPED.

IT WASN’T EVEN A FULL MOON NIGHT. WHAT THE HECK, GAME?

CURSE YOU NINTENDOOOOO!

I looked at the clock. Oh wicked fate! It was 10:25. The same as last time. The time I hadn’t made it.

I went to my map—no.... I paused first. I put on clothes for night-speed. Yes. Then to the map. And I warped to the Tabantha Bridge Stable.

This was it....

I had a better time getting off the little hill, hugging tight to the mountainside in my paraglide and jog until I could round the bend enough to make a beeline. I won’t make the stamina mistake, I won’t make the stamina mistake, I won’t make the stamina mistake I MADE THE STAMINA MISTAKE. D8

Link recovered, I was running, I was beelining, hoofing it, there were bad guys, I ran past them, there was no time, the ground began to smoke, the creepy music started, I could see the pedestal glowing far ahead of me, the sky was turning red, I was running, I was RUNNING—

The clock struck midnight.

I didn’t make it

Zelda’s voice warned.

Dang it....

The vision ended.

I ran still.

THE PEDESTAL STILL GLOWED.

I GOT ON.

TOOK ALL MY CLOTHES OFF.

.

. .

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.    .    .    .

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AND THERE WAS A SHRIIIIINE! 8D

THE MIJAH ROKEE SHRINE BURST OUT OF THE EARTH JUST THERE IN THE LITTLE DEPRESSION ON TOP OF WASHA’S BLUFF!

Mijah Rokee!

What did Mijah Rokee have in store for me! A blessing perhaps? Surely....

It was a Modest Test of Strength.

I put my clothes back on.

And when I came out, the sun was shining so low and warm and beautiful.

And the accordion was gone.

....

It felt a little hollow.

The Big Dang Horse

Waking of Saturday, October 28, 2017 ~ 4

The Big Dang Horse

What had commandeered my attention after I set my controller down to charge....? Probably just the necessaries of life.

I came back and found that my lonely WiiU had gone to sleep.

Rats! I hadn’t found a proper saving point!

I restarted it all back up....

And I was on Satori Mountain.

The glowing beast wasn’t there. But the Korok I scared up was.... some consolation I suppose.

I went back to the Outskirt Stable. Probably. I let myself play too far and too long without logging—it gets hard to remember—

Suffice it to say that the sirens played havoc in my head again and I was off to the Great Plateau.

They say Hylians have long ears to hear the voices of the Gods.

I think when I play it’s more like hearing the call of attention deficit disorder.

Hm, or since he’s the avatar, and I’m the player, does that make me the God? He does so readily obey my every whim.... though I allow him the moments that must be lived one way and no other.

But let’s not get too meta just here.

The rain was pouring on the Stasis Shrine, but through the din I could still hear the mean, scruffling sounds of stal-creatures clawing up out of the earth and wishing to do me ill.

Not wanting to deal with them I ran toward the first empty edge I could see and jumped off into the cacophonous, blustering night.

I couldn’t see anything for the rain. Just dim looming shapes in the distance—mountains and hills. I had to consult my map to orient myself.

I wanted back in the Lynels’ Corridor.

I had unfinished business there.

Maybe it was that I had finally taken my horses out and showed them a little bit of love. Ah, my sweet babies.... I like to keep them locked up safe and sound—no telling what we might encounter out in the world. I didn’t want anything to happen to them.

Mm but they were still my proud and wonderful beasts, and I still liked to ride the roads with them.

And there had been that Mohawk mane style....

....

There was only one animal in the world for which that style would be so.... singularly and definitively befitting.

I touched down in the grasslands and jogged quickly toward the baobabs—there were wolves about and I didn’t need their attentions right now.

Presently the herd came into view. But.... they all looked the same. Five or six animals, milling around, cropping the grass.... All the same size.

Where was the big one?

Off to my right, right against the western mountain, one more dark horse pawed unconcernedly about. Fine place for it to stand when I was trying to compare them all.

I was sure it was the one from before—deep black body and a flaming orange mane and tail—but I wanted to make extra sure. I headed toward it, scooting round the baobabs in a fine game of ring-around-the-rosie until I was able to cow it back toward its fellows.

It joined up with them smoothly enough, droplets of water cleaving together. But was it all the way into their midst? The screen gave me no depth perception. The dark one still stood out big among the herd, and I was too far away to tell clearly—Was it larger for its size? Or for its nearness?

A littler horse walked in front of it.

Oh yeah, that was the big one.

And now that I had more stamina, I wanted to try it again.

And the slow chase was on.

I crouched down and crept carefully up behind it, freezing when it turned, pausing as long as I needed, closer and closer.... The other horses snorted and cantered away if they saw me, but my only concern was the Dark One.

Careful not to come up directly behind it—didn’t want a kick in the face, not from that one—I came close to its right flank.... and hopped on.

The thing jumped and bucked as I patted and soothed it frantically—my legs were spread wide over its huge barrel trunk—and my stamina began to burn away. I had much more of it this time, but it was going down fast.

But a quick look into my pockets showed me my stock of stamina dishes and elixirs—I used them all—and on the dregs of the very last one....

The Dark Horse stamped itself into a huff, and stood still beneath me.

I’d got it!

What a BEAST he was! Strong, and proud, and beautiful. I walked him back and forth, here and there, patting his neck, trotting him, reassuring him, soothing him and murmuring sweet sounds beneath the baobabs.

Hahhh! When I got this beauty back to a stable I’d—

And then I saw the problem.

The northern end of the Lynel’s Corridor is a box canyon. To the north is the towering wall of the Great Plateau. To the west, the red tiers of the Gerudo Highlands. To the east, the lush but steep mountain range bordering the lake.

The only way out of this place was southward, past not one but two Lynels, and a small battalion of mounted Bokoblins.

Touché, Nintendo. Touché.

There was no way I was attempting that on a steed that had anything less than complete trust in me. I couldn’t afford any refusals.

And so I continued trotting the Dark One back and forth, back and forth, round and round, again and again, now stopping, now starting, now sprinting, now stepping, always assuring him with pats to his neck, but not too many too fast, correcting him quickly, rewarding him fairly, and loving him gently.

He was a giant to be sure, but he seemed to have no energy for bursts of speed. His fastest gallop.... was his only gallop. This had me worried for getting past those Lynels, but.... after a long time of learning and bonding and with nothing else for it.... we turned our heads southward, and plunged down the grassland.

The Lynels were actually.... surprisingly easy to slip past! And they did not pursue us once we were out of their prowling grounds. And with a bit of weaving and dodging, the Bokoblins did not pose much of a threat either!

I pressed the Dark One onward down the road—we weren’t going to stop for anything until I could register this beast!

And we came at length to the Highland Stable, and it was once again that terrible conniption of deciding on a fitting name.

I knew whose horse this had to be descended from. It was obvious. The huge size, the soot-black coat, the mane like a raging fire. The proximity to Gerudo lands.

But to name him after anything having to do with such a figure.... it would be like a swear word. ._.

And yet.... how could I choose anything else? It would feel untrue. Unfaithful.

But truth and faithfulness notwithstanding, did such a figure even deserve any such honor?

This was a real pickle.

....

You know, perhaps his name had already gone down in history a thousand times as the darkest curse a man could utter.

But perhaps his surname.... the second name he took from the time he rode the black horse with the flaming mane.... perhaps that name was and had always been a purely Gerudo device.

And he wasn’t a Gerudo. Not really.

Maybe it was a good, proud name once. A strong Gerudo name.

Maybe it could be again.

I spent my twenty rupees at the stable counter, and I called my gargantuan steed....

Dragmire.

GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!

Waking of Saturday, August 12, 2017 ~ 4

GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!

On my way to the North Mine, I encountered a few of a breed of Octorok I’d been seeing lately. They’ll pop out of the earth, look around like they do, the little swear words.... But these kinds wouldn’t start spitting rocks at you the minute they saw you. Instead, they would spend a long moment inhaling, to pummel you with one big hit I imagine. I wouldn’t know, because I’ve never seen it happen. I always drop a bomb into the sucking draft first, and when they swallow it—

Well, you get the idea.

There was one Goron I met at the mine, but it wasn’t Yunobo. His name was Drak. Or, as he said it, “Draaaaaak”. He had a funny kind of drawl. X-)

The mine was blocked off. But Drak directed me to where the supply store was located: on one of those few baddie-infested craggy islets jutting up from that giant lake of lava behind me.

Skull-dens, boomers, and treehouses full of bow-weidling Red Lizalfos no less.

Well.

(Okay so perhaps they weren’t technically tree-houses, but great elaborate platforms anyway. But I’m still calling them treehouses.)

For a while I progressed by my superior archery skills, but after a time.... I did become curious about the great big.... mechanisms placed here and there. Things the Gorons used in their mining, no doubt.

I inspected one of them. It had a great big wide barrel, angled somewhere between thirty and forty-five degrees up from the horizon, on one end, and on the other end.... why that looked just like....

I took out my Sheikah Slate, and called upon Ja Baij.

The round bomb rolled perfectly into the little hole.

I backed up for safety, and detonated—and a hulking chunk of flaming hot rock came BOOMING out of the barrel! It arced over the lava lake and.... exploded pointlessly on the molten surface.

It was still pretty cool, though. I did it a few more times just for fun. X-) It turned out I didn’t need to back up for the bomb-blast; the mechanism seemed to contain it. Nifty!

Still, there had to be more to it.... There was one other part of the mechanism yet. It looked like a handle. But I couldn’t throw it. The A button didn’t work. Bombs didn’t work. In desperation I tried my sword—that worked. Though I hated to shorten the life of my weapons.

At the turn of the switch, the whole mechanism rotated. And wouldn’t you know it, why, I do declare, the barrel looked like it just about lined up perfectly with that there treehouse full of Lizalfos now.

Hmmm.

I rolled in another bomb, and set it off.

You ever blow up—just blow up—a whole treehouse before?

It feels good, man.

Some of the baddie-nests were situated between the set angles of the cannons, and so I had to get creative with my timing. But all in all, I’d say I got the hang of using the cannons pretty well down.

My gosh what pandemonious delight.

Riot! XD

Once I’d cleaned out most of the whole smattering of islets, there was just one more cracked stone barrier to breach, at the top of the final mountaintop. One cannonblast took it out easily enough. And holed up in the back of that cavern.... was Yunobo, I presumed.

“Oh man, oh man, oh man—” he whimpered, fearing the monsters had broken through and were now come to get him....! His voice was young, and light. Especially for a Goron.

But it wasn’t monsters; it was just me.

We exchanged some words, about who I was, and what Boss Bludo had asked me to do. Aside from the light blue neckerchief, Yunobo looked like most other Gorons, though his eyes were not quite so large. He also had a funny little cowlick on his crown that hung over to one side. How old was this . . . dare I say kid?

With the way cleared of monsters, Yunobo took the painkillers and went back to the town.

But I stayed to satisfy my shrine-detector.

It was difficult to get a fix on the signal’s direction, with so little footing beneath me. But I couldn’t see the shrine anywhere anyway; it had to be hidden.

There were some metal rails leading into a cave beneath that rockpile-island that resembled a crab.... and the signal did seem strongest in that general direction....

David was most anxious to watch me figure out the railcars.

Ever see Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom?

Yeah it was kinda like that. O_O

All my flashbacks were of zipping unbalanced over hot lava and sailing over gaps in the rails, Indy grabbing a hank of that curly blonde hair and shoving everyone’s heads down into the cart. I was legitimately frightened that I might flip over if I went too fast! But I made it to the crab island without incident, and there indeed was the shrine. I beat it, went back, wandered around town a bit more.... but did not speak immediately to Bludo again.

Rather—as is so my wont—I decided to take a detour, and go and visit the Great Fairies to spruce up my new Flamebreaker clothes.

Kaysa first—she blew her magic on me. Cotera next, and she bopped me with a kissed finger.

And then I realized: it didn’t seem to matter which fairy magicked up my wardrobe. The first level up would always be done with a blow, the second with a bop, and the third with a giant kiss right to the face.

I guessed any given fairy could just as well do more than one level too, and I didn’t have to travel between them.

But I couldn’t see Mija or any other fairy about upping my Firebreaker armor a third level just then anyway, because I was short a number of something called Smotherwing Butterflies—and that was a critter I’d not yet encountered.

In fact, it seemed there were lots of ingredients I was short of to have my wardrobe enhanced anymore.

Ice Keese wings. Well certainly those were easy, I thought, and warped to the Keh Namut Shrine on the Great Plateau. I went hunting around those peaks and Mount Hylia.... but was only able to harvest one Ice Keese wing in the end.

What other cold places did I know?

Hunting around, hunting around.... as the hour grew later.... hunting around....

Until....

....

I didn’t quite remember where I stopped.

Hylian Barbecue

Waking of Thursday, June 8, 2017

Hylian Barbecue

“Hey David, say that really sad line that Folken says,” I grinned.

David laughed as his eyes raked the ceiling for recollection.... “Oh yeah, uh.... ‘Will somebody please tell me WHY . . . . MY WISHES NEVER COME TRUE?’ T___T ”

“But they do, David!” :D And I dived into the cupboard and powered up the WiiU.

I warped from the Akkala Ancient Tech Lab tooooo.... “The Shrine of Ja Baij will do nicely!” I said. ^_^

“Are you going Guardian-hunting?” David asked.

“Nope!” I climbed out of the East Abbey, got on the edge of the Plateau wall, set my nose toward the Bridge of Hylia.... and took a flying leap.

David might have sunk into his phone again.

I hit the ground running and booked it for the bridge! I dashed across the stones—stopping only briefly to throw a rock into the water far below to scare up a Korok—one shot!—and kept on running!

I ran past the Lizalfos in the middle! Didn’t have time for them!

I ran all the way to the other side!

And there mounting up from the cracked and craggy hills to the right was....

“Wait are you doing a Tower?” David asked.

“Yes!”

“Ohoh!” he perked up at this—he’s been dying for me to explore more.

“Wishes do come true!” I cheered.

“You’re doing it, Peter!” he cheered back.

This Sheikah Tower looked easy enough! There were a few Bokoblins about, but honestly who cares about Bokoblins?

I didn’t follow the path but was once again keeping to the high ground, on the right side, the side near the bridge. Maybe the left would have been better as it connected with that big ridge surrounding the lake.... more ground to stand on....

But no matter! I huffed it up into the hills—the earth was so cracked and shattered here! I wondered if it had become all broken up like this when the Tower had burst out of the ground....

My progress was just dandy as I leapt from slab to slab of the erupted crust. My Champion’s Tunic showed me the life-meters of enemies I couldn’t even see—hiding in the low path that ran through the shade of the widest cracks.

Part of me thought it was nifty, but part of me thought.... it was kinda cheap....

Couldn’t say it hadn’t come in handy sometimes, though.

I came to a high spot and thought to have a little look around, but....

Fire Wizzrobe.

It had just come into view, close enough for me to see. Him I didn’t need. As viewpoints went, this would have to suffice; I didn’t want to stir up any unnecessary trouble—

That high-pitched giggling off to my right side.

Uh-oh.

Didn’t move fast enough. There must have been another Wizzrobe, and it sounded like he’d spotted me.

Another Fire Wizzrobe, just my luck.

I sprinted for it, hopping over the cracked earth—maybe if I put enough distance between him and me he’d lose interest....

But as I made it to the lattice-like walls and huffed it up the tower, I could hear the Wizzrobe still following me. Rats....

Well, I’d just have to move extra quick-like. And just as well, because it was bedtime for me anyway. Surely the Wizzrobe would leave off if I just kept climbing farther and farther away....

I heard the swishing, plishing sound of magic warming up, and tensed myself to jump to a higher part of the viney lattice if need be. A roaring rush of sound followed, and an explosion rocked a lower part of the tower—seemingly on the other side from where I was.

Oh would he just get lost already?

I only listened to the Wizzrobe skipping through the air again as I continued to climb, and catch my breath on the platforms. More magic. More explosions. And then—

There was a sound from the Wizzrobe that was quite different, and then it was as if the earth were erupting in fire here and now around me. Flames licked up through the air, and burning stones bigger than my head fell like hail around me, and the sky and all beneath it became tinged by a red haze and everything was shaking and rumbling and rumbling and shaking and ROARING . . . .

This was the Wizzrobe’s doing?

“What the heck is going on?” I wailed. D8

“I don’t know! I’ve never seen this happen before,” said David.

“Nothing attacked you here?”

“Well I watched where I was going—I didn’t let anything see me.”

I kept climbing. None of the raining firestones were hitting me....

“It’s getting hot....” David pointed out.

“I know....” I said, though I was mostly just focused on keeping climbing.... I spared the thermometer a quick glance. It was in the red.

“Drink an elixir!” said David.

“I don’t have any.”

“Nothing?”

“Nope.” I had to stop on a platform to regain my stamina.

“You’re slowly getting hurt from the heat,” said David.

I was panting. Two hearts were gone.

“Just kill it!”

“Rahh—” I jumped onto the wall again. I was almost there....

The earth still rumbled—the fire still rained—another jump—costly—didn’t want to risk another one here at the end—a third heart was burning away—

And as I climbed over the last horrible outleaning lattice and cleared the upper edge—

The firestorm ceased.

The rumbling stopped.

The sky became light blue again; the haze of heat and fire was gone.

And I stood, and the world was calm, and quiet.

“Oh man....”

Friggin’ Wizzrobe.

Maybe I should start brewing some cooling elixirs....

The Forest of Killing Time

Waking of Wednesday, June 7, 2017

The Forest of Killing Time

Yesterday I had to reset my clock. The power had been out for a couple of hours, because some men from SRP came to our neighborhood and removed an old transformer in the alleyway, replacing it with a newer one.

Must’ve been that devil from Hateno Village again....

That night I had dreams that after the next Blood Moon.... two rusted Guardians waited down the hill from Robbie’s house.

I had seen something very strange when I downloaded the Akkala map. And now at Robbie’s house I could see it with my own eyes: far to the northeast, standing tall from the sea like some kind of prison, was a great, cubic island of black stone.

It was a maze.

And at its heart in the back the orange glow of a shrine could be seen.

David had told me it was swarming with Guardians, so I went to have a look for myself. I jumped off the seaside cliff, and paraglided through the rain....

As I neared, a Flying Guardian came into view, sweeping over the twisting passages. Anything below it would surely be trapped like a rat.

Then another came into view. And another. And another.

Four Guardian Flyers patrolled above.

And who knew what lay in wait inside....

I sure didn’t, because my stamina ran out just before I got there.

I warped from my freefall back to Robbie’s, and thence.... to the Plateau. I wanted to see if old Guardians could be salvaged more than once.

Turned out they couldn’t; none of the old rusted ones around the Temple of Time had anything left for me to find.

Feeling braver, I tried around the East Abbey—home of my first nightmares. There wasn’t much to be found there either. But I took the opportunity to mark on my map where the live Guardians were situated.

As long as I was back on the Plateau I felt like wandering through it again. I had a Warm Doublet now, and I wanted to see the top of Mount Hylia.... and pick up some treasure I’d meant to get before, high on a tower near the treehouse where I first learned to cook.... There were plenty of Koroks that turned up along the way as well....

And then there was something that Jenn had said, so long before.... “How do you beat that miniboss in the forest?”

I hadn’t seen any such miniboss.

Of course, I hadn’t combed the entire forest, either. What was it, a Hinox? A Lynel? I wandered through the trees until I came to a little open spot of ground that made me think once again what a splendid fighting arena it would make....

And a Stone Talus burst out of the earth—not even Talus Junior—just STONE TALUS.

And the Piano conjured up all its percussive friends and laughed at my blundering into the trap!

I ran. The Talus dug up huge boulders out of the earth and hurled them at me! I could only dodge them and get behind the thickest trees—oh gads, one hit with one of those....

I put some distance between me and it until it quieted down again, and then....

I ran back in and climbed up on top of it before it could fully unearth itself this time! The Piano started up again and the Talus pitched and rolled—it is HARD to stand on top of a Talus! But there was its big lump of ore sticking out—I could attack that—if I could reach it....!

It flung me off and I hit the ground and rolled to a stop.

“Get up get up get up, Link!”

I ran back in, so close to its stubby little legs—stubby, they were as tall as I was—and sheltering beneath its bulk, I thought ridiculously: The closer we are to danger, the farther we are from harm!

The Talus’ huge, huge hammerlike upper appendages pounded the ground—but I was too close to its body. I jumped and gained a lucky purchase on its.... back? I think. It was hard to tell—and started climbing—at times hanging almost upside-down underneath it as it rocked and lunged! But I scaled up its stony hide and got to the top once more.

I hammered away at the protrusion of ore with my Special 38 Big Stick—the Knight’s Claymore—knocking chunks of Amber off at every stroke—the stone beneath my feet rumbled and jerked so erratically—it was so difficult to maintain my stance—but then with a final swing the ore protrusion shattered and the Talus was defeated!

And as it toppled I jumped and ran for it! I’d had giants fall on me before and I was NOT going to have that again!

The Talus collapsed and exploded into a resplendent pile of glittering gems—with two Rubies this time I think—which I happily collected before skipping off on my merry way through the woods.

I beat a Talus! ^_^

When I’d had my fill of the Plateau, I thought of where else I might find Guardians to salvage. My first thought was the Valley of Terror near the Dueling Peaks. But I also thought perhaps to sweep the road between here and there....

I paraglided down into the Forest of Time just to the northeast, because that had looked interesting on my map, dodged a couple of Moblins, and headed for a tall wooden lookout tower to take shelter in. Some Stalkoblins (as I’ve learned they are called from my Compendium) popped up in my wake and started throwing rocks at me as I climbed the ladder. It hurt more than I thought it should—and then I realized I was still wearing my Warm Doublet. Not a lot of defense threaded into that one. Except from the elements.

I came out onto the high platform, and choked—the tower was loaded with high explosives.

“Oh, nope!” I shouted, heading for the first barrel. “You.” I grabbed it— “Out.” —and chucked it over the edge. It exploded in a magnificent fireball, taking at least one of the Stalkoblins with it. “And you.” And the other— “Git!” —went over in like fashion.

The volatility of my immediate surroundings now significantly lessened, I had a look around. You know, it was a nice little tower—a nice, wide platform, little guardrails.... I could see the east road I had first taken so long ago, threading away through some ruins—

And there were Guardian husks down there.

I could search those—

But no, I couldn’t. Not right now.

Because a Blood Moon was rising.

Those east road Guardians would have to wait.

I warped back to Robbie’s and paraglided down the hill, grateful it was steep enough to allow me to do so. I found the rock again . . . . and waited.

I readied myself for a scuffle—I knew there were those three Stalmoblins there at least, but the Guardian?

I waited . . . .

11:30 struck, and the ground began to smoke. Unholy embers. Hazy light. Swift red clouds. And the Piano rumbled the pained low groaning it reserved only for those moments . . . .

I stood away from the rock, and faced the space where the Guardian had been before, when Zelda’s warning came in vision to my mind once more . . . .

And when she had done speaking . . . .

THE GUARDIAN WAS BACK.

Back and awake with blue light, clicking and whirring as it swiveled its can-head, looking for things to shoot.

“Dang it!” I hopped over to the other side of the rock.

The Stalmoblins didn’t appear.

But now the Guardian was back.

How’d you manage that, Ganon? Resurrecting machinery you never even spawned in the first place?

Ah poop this was so lame....

I climbed back on the rock, and destroyed it the same way I had destroyed it before, with arrows to the eye.

And when it broke down and exploded, I looked hopefully for Ancient Gears or Cores....

But all that was there was a pile of screws.

“You cheapskate,” I muttered as I hopped down to collect them.

Well screw you too.

. . . .

You know, they might actually have been springs, but then I couldn’t have made that joke.

Dead End with Dai

Waking of Saturday, April 22, 2017 ~ 5

Dead End with Dai

“Where’d you get all those rupees anyway?” said David.

I had well over four and a half thousand at this point.

“I dunno, I’ve just been around. Sold stuff. Monster parts.” And then I thought— “Why, how many rupees do you have?”

He named some hundred. Four hundred something maybe?

“Four hundred?” I drawled and rolled my eyes so hard at him.

He laughed.

The left fork of the second split of the river seemed to SPLIT YET AGAIN.

I couldn’t take much more of this.

Between these newest forks of the river, on a towering mound of land, there stood a tall, circular structure of light stone—a coliseum—globbed upon by a great pool of malice near its base.

And beyond this coliseum was the old Plateau.

I had come quite close to it—its River of the Dead had even emptied into that lake beneath Digdogg Suspension Bridge. Strange, such a big circle I’d walked in it seemed....

At any rate, this third split of the river seemed to girdle the coliseum on both sides, perhaps even making an island of it....

I wanted to keep an eye on both splits for as long as I could.

There was a long dark bridge I could access which would take me to the coliseum.

It looked scary, I couldn’t see its top or any bad guys that might be patrolling it, and it just reeked of trouble.

But I was the Hero, and it was time to be Foolish.

So up I ran, up the little hill to the bridge. And the bridge, though worn a bit, was empty.

I ran ahead. And when I skipped past a few malice-pools and came to the other side, amid all the crumbled bits of walls and other things rubbled around on the grassy sward, I saw—

“What is that?” said David.

I looked carefully through my scope. “....It’s a backpack,” I said.

It was someone’s back.

And that someone was trembling.

I approached carefully, and I saw, quite clearly, the most probable reason for the man’s distress:

Prowling around inside the coliseum.... was what appeared to be a Black Lynel.

It stalked backward and forward, pausing at whiles to roar in challenge to the air....

Oh gads....

“What is that?” asked David.

“It’s.... I-It’s a-a—”

I legitimately could not speak.

I moved to where the man stood behind a weathered bit of light-stoned wall.

I didn’t think he was a Yiga.... He looked too terrified and his reason for it was too real.

I spoke with him.

His name was Dai, and he was evidently having second thoughts about facing whatever was in there, despite the untold riches rumored to then be found.

I discouraged him most heartily from his endeavor, and continued to follow the left fork, trying to keep low and out of sight of that Lynel if there were any more gaping holes in the coliseum walls....!

I found a Korok on the way. Cheery as ever and giggling its little “Twee-hee!”

Man....

Just....

Not something you really expect to hear in close quarters to a Lynel.

I was very close to the actual walls of the Great Plateau now, and before I got there.... the river ran out.

“Maybe the other one keeps going! Just gotta go around the horn....” I said hopefully.

I ran in a rightward curve until the coliseum walls pressed too close and the ground ran out from beneath my feet, I paraglided off the great mound of land and sailed round its sheer earthy sides, I hit the ground running, I came to the other split, the final split—

And it was a dead end too.

What I Came For

Waking of Friday, April 14, 2017 ~ 8

What I Came For

I thought I’d heard of a Shiekah Tower like this from Joseph. Something about bogs.... something about the tower being surrounded by giant stones.... something about bombs....

But I don’t think this was that tower.

This tower did indeed have one large grey stone of some kind beside it in the bog. But there was also some strange, large.... dark.... rounding kind of shape high atop its crown. It was difficult to make out from below.

I remembered the Hateno Tower and its briars. Was this another obstacle, only situated at the top instead of crawling along its length? But it looked too thick and solid to be briars. Oh gosh, had bad guys taken it over? Would I have to fight them up there once I scaled it?

I had been so confused as to what was on top of this tower, and I wanted to get rid of it or burn it off it as soon as I could.

But when I came close I understood. And I didn’t think fire was gonna do it.

The large grey stone at the tower’s base and the dark rounding shape at its crown were two halves of a bokoblins’ skull-den—those skull-shaped cave-enclosures they like to hide in. The tower’s eruption from the ground must have cracked this one in two. And now this Sheikah Tower had.... well a very nice lid I guess.

A hat like a big busted eggshell.

Well that was swell.

Wished I could’ve removed it.

Especially once I reached the top—that thick stone casing really obstructed the view. But, no matter. I just had to distill the rune and my map could tell me of the surroundings.... This would tell me the river’s course.

This would tell me about Mei.

I activated the pedestal. The runes dripped down, the teardrop fell into my Sheikah Slate....

According to the map, the river out of the wetlands ran right through Ganon’s backyard. I could even see what must have been the dock Molo had said was situated just north of the castle—the way to get inside, he’d said.

It was all too close.

The castle was right there.

Traveling that way.... I could very well be seeking my own death.

Not now. Not in my present state.

Mei, I’m sorry.... but I have to get to Akkala.

If they don’t find you soon, then I will.... when I’m strong enough to do so.

My map also said there was a Great Hyrule Forest to the north, but.... I couldn’t see it at all from the tower-top. Nor could I see the castle very well. The big dratted stone casing was in the way.

But then I considered.... well....

Did I really want to be visible to the great Calamity, at the top of a glowing blue tower so close to the castle?

Maybe the eggshell cap wasn’t so bad.

I spent a while at the top of the tower; I could still see a great distance over a broad area. I even counted the towers I had already been to; I could see all of them but Hateno. The Dueling Peaks looked like molehills, and the Great Plateau was so far away and tiny....

When the sky was dark again the rain came back—and I started to freeze. I’d been able to see my breath, and my cheeks had had that rosy ice-bitten tint to them, but I hadn’t realized I was that high up.

I put on my Warm Doublet and passed the night beneath the shelter of the tower’s rune stone.

Sirens of West Necluda

Waking of Saturday, March 25, 2017 ~ 2

Sirens of West Necluda

Long ago on the Plateau, as I went to meet the Old Man for the last time, I stopped inside the lower halls of the Temple of Time to visit the statue of the Goddess once more.

I had collected four spirit orbs by that point, and in exchange for those four spirit orbs, the Goddess offered to gift me with my choice of either stronger health or greater stamina. I chose health, and received another heart container.

I have been collecting spirit orbs and praying at Goddess statues for this purpose ever since.

But all throughout Upland Zorana, and for a long time before that, I’d only had three orbs to my name.

I knew of one shrine that I had left alone for a long, long time, back in West Necluda. It lay far to the north of the road, on the other side of a tree-smattered spread of hills I had not wanted to stray into, across a little bit of river, and on an island. I’d marked it with a marker in my Slate so long ago, but I had never gone back to it.

Considering the increasing treachery of the monsters in my path, I figured it was time to pay it a visit, and thus attain a fourth spirit orb. But I was in luck: my map of the Lanayru region, home to the Zoras, showed that I could more easily approach that island from the north bank of the river. It would be just a little dash across the wetlands I had already explored, over some mostly bare land, and it should be just right there. Easy in reach.

I warped back to the shrine in which I had weathered the lightning storm. There were still lizalfos lurking about; I killed a few. There was also one of those prancing spectres with the lightning rods—I’m sorry to say I rather ran away when he shot an electric keese at me—I couldn’t ready my bow in time to take it down, and I didn’t have any wood or bone weapons....!

But after I’d given myself some distance, I ran back in again and laid that skipping D-cell to waste.

The.... well I guess you could call it a boardwalk—was completely submerged in places, but I semi-followed it to some dry hills—and my shrine locator started beeping at me.

But.... it was in a different direction....

There were more shrines, it seemed.... very nearby.... but just off my map a bit....

I found a road as well, and people walking and riding along it! People I’d never met before. One man on a horse told me I might want to get close to Hyrule Castle thinking of finding treasure there.... but that I might lose my life along the way. It was too dangerous.

This world was so big.... No but what was I doing out here? Just the shrine. Just the one shrine and then I needed to get back to the Zoras; I still had all Ledo’s rocks in my pockets.... Though it wasn’t a bad thing venturing about for shrines, expanding my map.... after all, I had to find the other races and their leaders, and I had to find my memories....

Oh who was I fooling? —

This was a Zelda game.

The Sirens were singing.

I wanted to wander....

Maybe some of the Courage of my former life was coming back to me.

The Tower

Waking of Thursday, March 2, 2017 ~ 5

The Tower

I couldn’t be afraid forever. I fought with the bokoblin and took him down. And I took his sword. An old Traveller’s Sword. Maybe.

And I moved into the rocks.

Another pedestal stood beneath a bouldery overhang. I put my Sheikah Slate in it.

It moved, like the other had; it made a few noises, like the other had.

And it told me, “Sheikah Tower activated. Please watch for falling rocks.”

What did that mean?

The earth began to shake, and the place where I stood was thrust up into the sky. A beigebronzy tower, veined with orange light, had erupted from the ground beneath me, spiking reaching stretching up, up, up into the air.

And all across the landscape, in every direction I could see, more orange towers, just like this one, were springing up, launching out of the earth. Some in valleys, some on mountains, some among rocks or water or high plateaus.... there were so many towers!

“Distilling Rune,” my Sheikah Slate told me. And glowing blue symbols crawled down the stone over the tower’s pedestal, forming a brilliant glowing drop hanging from the bottom, beneath a Sheikah eye-symbol, so that the drop formed the tear....

The tear plashed down onto my Sheikah Slate, and downloaded a map of the region.

I was on something called The Great Plateau.

And the tower I was on turned from orange to blue.