Ice and Fire

Waking of Wednesday, June 20, 2018 ~ 4

Ice and Fire

I wanted to see how the Thunder Helm looked on me, but I couldn’t equip it. Mmmm not unexpected, but.... Rats!

I had wondered, after I beat whatever I would surely face in the Death Hole Arena, whether I would be rewarded with something to protect me from the cold, as the only way to proceed from there was to climb above the frost line.

But that wasn’t the case.

Fortunately I had already accumulated just such gear elsewhere on my travels.

And so instead of simply warping back to Gerudo Town I decided to take the scenic route, and hiked further into the mountains. Remembering Vah Ruta and Vah Rudania, and how it was always unsafe to approach too near to them.... I just wanted to see if I could traverse the ridge lands before Vah Naboris took a permanent perch somewhere.

I chased my Shrine locator for a while, until I encountered the largest single block of ice I had ever seen. Two dancing Ice Wizzrobes guarded it—from a high ledge, I took the first down in one shot with a Fire Arrow. The second was a little farther away and I missed a couple of times.... but at length he went down, too.

The iceblock was huge. But I was positive that was where the shrine was. I shot a Fire Arrow into its face.

Nothing happened.

Well, the arrow burned against it for a little bit, but.... afterward there was no difference that I could discern.

David insisted it had done a little to melt the ice, but....

I didn’t have that many Fire Arrows.

I paraglided down and cleaned out the immediate area. How was I going to do this....?

I laid down some wood and flint, and struck the flint with my blade—a bright blaze flared up.

The frozen monolith stood solid.

What in the world was I—wait.

I held very still and looked carefully....

There were some subtle variations in the ice’s surface—drippings. And a tiny bit of steam clouding up into the air. But the ice—

There it was. Barely discernable, so slow it almost couldn’t be seen, the face of the iceblock slowly began to shrink away from the flames. And there on the ground! There was definitely a space growing between my woodpile and the foot of the ice.

But it was going so slow....

This needed more fire; I laid down more wood and flint partway around the side. But it was still too slow.... So I started another campfire around the back.

The speed of the ice’s melting was picking up, but....

It seemed a bit of patience was required to solve this puzzle as well.

The ice had receded so far away from my first campfire, I wondered if it was still having any effect. I didn’t want to build another fire.... though I could certainly spare the materials. I was just being stingy. I only like to splurge when I’m hunting big game and Guardians.

My fires burned all night long, and when the sun woke up soft and turned the snow all to roses, the iceblock’s mass shrank past its last vital threshold, and it steamed and melted away in a final watery sigh.

The Shrine of Kuh Takkar stood before me.

Kuh Takkar himself spoke to me twice.

Huh, no monk had ever addressed me twice before. He said something like “Offer me a block of ice and the way will open.”

Or some such words.

Well then! I had a look around. There was an—ice cube dispenser.... heh.... in the middle of the room, and all around seemed to be one long, upward ramp that passed through all manner of fire hazards before reaching the monk’s platform.

“My gosh, I feel like The Mosquito Coast!” I hollered as I made another attempt. A couple of times, there was nothing for it but to pass through the flames. My FlameBreaker Armor protected me, but my iceblock kept getting smaller and smaller....

It was just enough for Kuh Takkar when I reached him, though, and he gave me his Spirit Orb. That made seven of them I had. I needed to pray....

Under The Sentinel Sun

Waking of Friday, January 19, 2018

Under The Sentinel Sun

In the morning I bought all of Shailu’s arrows—normal, Fire, Ice, Shock, and Bomb. The Bomb Arrow was.... expectedly more expensive, though expecting it did little to soften the deal.

And then Shailu was out of stock.

She’d only had one of each.

....

So outside, I bought all of Beedle’s arrows.

I still was not giving him my Energetic Rhino Beetle, though.

After this I explored a part of the bazaar I had not gotten to before—the part that first made me recognize the place as holding one of my memories. I’d seen it from way, way far away on the backside of the Gerudo Highlands, long, long before:

The large, characteristically bulbous rock formation jutting high above the inn, draped on all sides with rugs on ropes so that it almost resembled a hot air balloon.

It was easy enough to find the couple of ladders that led up to the top. But when I got there.... nothing was there.

That was strange, I thought. David had seemed so full of anticipation for when I climbed up there.

Then again it wouldn’t be the first time we gave each other puzzled looks over game happenings or non-happenings that didn’t line up between our separate playthroughs.

Seems the event programmers rather did the thing properly in this open world....

With nothing left to do in town and daylight starting to burn, I set out for Gerudo Town to the southwest.

But not far from the oasis, I started to pant and sigh—it was too hot.

So I put on my Flamebreaker Armor.

It didn’t help.

What? :c

I ran back toward the cool shade of the bazaar—Why didn’t my Flamebreaker Armor help? It could withstand the heat of the volcano. It could keep me from spontaneously combusting! Couldn’t it do anything to insulate me from the desert heat?

Or did it perhaps act like an oven instead?

Ughh....

On the way back to the bazaar I struck up a conversation with a Gerudo who was running in my same direction. Kyra was her name.

“Okay... it’s a voe. You can do this. Remember your training,” she muttered under her breath.

Oh my gosh what. X-)

She then launched into a romantic introduction outlining how she was going out into the world searching for her dreams. “You’re a part of my dreams, aren’t you?” she asked with a cute, girlish bounce in her posture.

The available responses made me laugh:

“You’re my dream girl!”

. . . . or . . . .

“Just a guy takin’ a walk.”

XD

Eh in the end I decided I didn’t want to lead her on. “Just a guy takin’ a walk,” I said, and she immediately dropped her girlish air like a sack of potatoes.

“If that’s the case then there’s no more point talking to you,” she deadpanned with all the tenderness of a cactus.

Dang.

I guess.... she had good training at least. She had seemed like such an eager young n00b....

Why didn’t my Flamebreaker Armor work?

I guessed I would need to make some cooling elixirs for myself. Or only travel at night.

At the bazaar I found some other people to talk to, including one Robsten, who said his caravan leader had gone to Gerudo Town to negotiate entry, but had not come back yet.

Hmmm....

Another young man standing on a little scaffold behind one of the piles of goods said he was watching the sandstorm around the Gerudo Highlands, waiting for it to clear, so he could go for the treasure it concealed....

Hmmmm....

Huh!

I tried running back toward the mountain. Maybe that would be different—

Nope. Too hot that way, too.

I was stuck.

Well, not really. But I didn’t want to warp away; there were no shrines nearby.

Hmm.

I made a cooling elixir. But....

Well I’ve never been one for elixirs.

I decided to wait for nightfall.

In the meantime I spoke to Kyra again, wondering if she had anything different to say. She didn’t, and I was once again “Just a guy takin’ a walk”, and once again dismissed just as coldly.

It was an interesting hobble, being held captive by the desert sun. And nothing I could don would form a permanent solution against it!

Well, I guess it does make sense.

And I would know.

But when the sun finally began to sink and the desert began to cool off I ran out for Gerudo Town, wearing my Lizalfos Mask, just in case.

I once again met Kyra running the other way.

“You again?” she said, “I’m on my personal journey of learning and discovery so it would be great if you could not disrupt it.” She paused. “Unless... Do you think you’re part of my destiny? My dream life?” Or some such words.

Eh, third time’s the charm. Just to see what would happen, I answered with a big hearty “You’re my dream girl!”

Kyra straightened up at once and said, “My vaba always said nothing’s so shady as a voe who talks about dream this and dream that. I guess she was right.”

OUCH. XD

I felt kind of pathetic in the Lizalfos Mask.

Why are Gerudo so tall....?

“Run along, voe. I’m busy,” she said, and left.

Wow.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Carrying on.

A Walk with Yunobo

Waking of Saturday, October 28, 2017

A Walk with Yunobo

David’s been kind. He stayed away from the volcano’s Divine Beast until I’d had a go at it. But now he felt free to plunge right up Death Mountain, and I watched him for some of the time.

He cleverly defeated those first Moblins at Eldin Bridge by climbing up a nearby crag and bombing the living daylights out of them. And as the second one finally died, he jumped off the rock to float down and collect its spoils.

But the cinematic started before he could deploy his paraglider.

And as the camera centered on the bewildered Yunobo, looking around to see if the coast was clear, David and I watched a dark shape swip down right in front of him and off the screen out of sight.

“Was that Link?” we both wondered, laughing incredulously at each other.

The cinematic ended, and the camera pulled back a gentle distance, and there was Link, on the ground.

Which was just . . . . great. XD

With a little more effort than I had taken the time for, David was able to destroy the Sentries using Yunobo as a projectile.

I didn’t know you could do that!! D8 ??

But I did feel a little clever in that I had thought to Stasis them, when this did not occur to David.

He also ran right past the first cannon without firing at Rudania. He was wearing full Flamebreaker Armor, and I wanted to see what would happen if he climbed up near Rudania’s big flaming right hind foot.

David was kind to oblige. XD

And the result was that he burst into flame. ÓuÒ;;

Maybe Vah Rudania was just too hot, even for the Flamebreaker Armor. Or maybe David hadn’t upgraded his armor to be fireproof yet.

After a bit either I told him or he figured it out that he should use the cannon on the Divine Beast, and he progressed on his way.

I watched him all the way up the mountain (he never once was spotted by a Sentry) and into the volcano until.... the trapdoor clamped down behind him and locked him in the darkness.

And on that grinning bombshell, I left to go attend to some other things.

When I came back some time later, he was about to face off against Fireblight Ganon, but he first left to regain full hearts by sleeping at his house.

Which I told him was LAME. And like some crotchety old geezer I told him that back when I did the Divine Beast I did the whole thing at half hearts, and I never warped away or even ate any of my meals!

But he went to rest at his house anyway.

I don’t have a house yet.

It was fun watching him defeat Fireblight Ganon. He was quite stumped for a while, but he was brave and kept psyching himself up to venture out from behind the posterior structure to try a new tactic . . . .

I stepped out for his ending cinematics. It was his fourth beast, and we suspected there might be something extra, and I didn’t want to be spoiled.

And there was something extra, he said.

But I did watch the part with the ghostly Daruk.

And after a little more time, David insisted that I play.

He really does want me to catch up.

And I believe he wants to talk about more of the game with people. And I know that feeling.

Hah. Welcome to my life, David.

I played from the activation of Vah Rudania when I started. Because I wanted to see it again. And.... I was still logging, and I wanted a refresher for the scene.

Sometimes I go through the game faster than I intend, and.... I lose some of the finer details.

Dang this log.

The bright, gold-tinged light that had borne me off the beast brought me down into Goron City.

I can never bring myself to make the avatar run, after things like that. I just can’t.

It just feels so.... uncalled-for.

Being thrust back into normalcy after the brutally insane places I’ve been?

It’s like being on another planet.

It’s a kind of dazedness, a kind of triumph, a kind of relief, a kind of sorrow, which for me will forever require a walking pace.

Yunobo told me the Boss had summoned me, and that that kind of thing couldn’t be refused.

And he rolled away.

I walked after him, toward the Boss’s house.

Bludo said Yunobo had told him everything. And he was amazed and grateful that we had subdued the Divine Beast.

“But did you have to wait until my back finally felt better?” he griped, pressing that now I was making him look like big fibber!

In the end he rewarded me with a gift he said I could find in his house: a blade once wielded by the legendary Daruk himself.

“Take it. Keep it. It’s yours,” he said.

I couldn’t fit it in my inventory.

So I left it there.

Which was just as well, I figured; one block of my weapon inventory was already taken up by Mipha’s spear, which I dared not use any further lest it break.

Made me think of getting that house again. Maybe weapons could be stored in houses....

Why hadn’t I gotten that house yet? Well.... I had my reasoning. Although to be honest I’d since been “spoiled” on that point—I knew by then that it was—

Mm but maybe you don’t.

....

In which case I’ll just say....

....

I just wanted to wait until I had seen all the land first, before choosing a place for me to live.

I was wandering around Goron City, still at a walk.

I saw Yunobo. He was walking too.

I went to speak with him.

“I’m going for a walk today,” he smiled, “Want to come?”

And that was all he said.

And he continued in his slow and easy NPC pace.

Well, he wasn’t like that tour guide back in Hateno, huffing and puffing and making me jog. He was just.... walking. Slow as Uli from Twilight Princess.

But he had invited me, so I followed him.

After a very brief climb, he came to a stop in the middle of a short bridge over the thoroughfare below, and turned toward the volcano.

I spoke to him again.

“Welcome to my secret hideout,” he grinned to me, “This is the best place to get a good view of Vah Rudania.”

We both looked at it, perched way up there at the mountain’s top, lasering toward the castle.

“To think we actually fought that thing...” Yunobo continued. “I’ve never been afraid of it... until just now.”

I guessed it was all hitting him at once.

“It’s strange, but ever since we defeated Vah Rudania, I’ve felt like my ancestor Daruk is somehow with me all the time.”

He turned to me.

“Link, I did good, didn’t I?”

“You did your best!” I said, and this seemed to give him a little more confidence.

“Yeah, I did, didn’t I.”

Or some such words.

“And with Daruk’s Protection I know my ancestor will never let me down.”

Or some such words.

Or some such words.

Sometimes I forget the exact things people say.

Sometimes I prefer not to go back and check.

Sometimes I just try to do my best, too.

Dang this log.

Daruk's Protection

Waking of Friday, October 13, 2017 ~ 4

Daruk’s Protection

With the demonic apparition defeated, I was finally able to activate the main control unit on Vah Rudania’s back. And when I did—

“Great work, little guy!”

I turned and there stood the spirit of Daruk, all ghostly teal.... but grinning hugely and with his arms spread wide.

Similar to what Lady Mipha had said, but in much gruffer terms, he explained to me that since I had slain the monster that got the best of him, his spirit was finally free. “Sorry that my resting with the rubble caused so much trouble for you...” he added, “But now Vah Rudania is back under our control!” He pounded fist into palm with palpable force and I daresay a small shockwave.

Man, I bet even Goron ghosts could knock you out if they tried.

Daruk went on to say that he wanted to give me something.... a power he had, called “Daruk’s Protection” . . . .

Oh yeah, I knew.

It wouldn’t do him any good as a spirit, he said, but maybe it could help me.

“Ready? Here it comes!”

These Gorons don’t do anything small. ._.

With a strenuous roar he seemed to summon a ball of energy between his giant palms, and with a “Hah!”, clapped in my direction—

And his power plunged into my chest and I was surrounded with a burning, powerful light, my feet again momentarily losing contact with the ground on which I’d stood as I closed my eyes and took it all in.

And when I was myself again I tried it—I planted my feet and rammed the knuckles of my fists together—feeling all the more impressive being ironclad in the FlameBreaker Armor—and the shimmering, lava-colored dodecahedron flared into being around my person.

I was invincible.

And I let go of it and flexed my gloved fingers....

Daruk continued, “I’m gonna take this thing down the mountain where I’ll have a clear shot at Calamity Ganon. And when you get inside the castle . . . we’re gonna light that place up!”

Or some such words he said....

Hadn’t Mipha said something about.... draining Ganon’s power?

What did he mean ‘light it up’?

And there were parting words—more encouragement I am sure.

I like Daruk’s temperament.

But I remember the very last thing he said before the light swallowed me up to transport me away—

“And.... Give my regards to the Princess,” he said with a grin.

Vah Rudania, lit a purer blue this time between its joints, instead of the corrupted red, clawstomped its powerful way out of the crater and perched atop an impressive crag. Its head moved, lizard-like, getting a fix on the castle I assumed—for the six segments from nose to neck then shuddered apart, splitting the whole of it wide open like a flower. And inside, a great bronzy barrel telescoped out into menacing life, charged with a mighty whirring, and let loose the enormous red beam. Straight into the calamitous clouds about the castle.

Little halos of the same energy ringed in and out of being along its length....

“Well, that about does it!” Daruk spoke to the Divine Beast or maybe a bit to himself. Or maybe to the player. “All we have to do now is wait for the perfect shot.”

Perfect shot?

Hadn’t Mipha said something about sapping Ganon’s power?

What were these beams, anyway? Wouldn’t they just work to weaken—

Red circles.

A red imploding circle on the target. Repeatedly shrinking to the center and then reappearing.

It . . . . was familiar . . . . ?

Oh my Hylia.

The Divine Beasts were Sheikah technology.

Like the Guardians.

THAT LASER . . . . IS A LASER OH MY GOSH WAT THIS I CAN’T—

Daruk took in the landscape.

“Hyrule looks good even after a hundred years,” he said, “The old rollin’ grounds sure are a sight for sore eyes.”

His eyes and his tone fell a bit.

“I wonder how the Gorons.... fared after the Great Calamity. I hope they’re still going strong even after every—”

But the camera had angled behind the figure of Yunobo, on a crag further down the cone, as he gazed up at the Divine Beast, and the ghostly teal figure on top of it.

Daruk had seen him too.

Yunobo gasped in wonder.

“Well would you look at that . . .” Daruk mused, “Still going strong indeed!”

With a manly grunt, he thrust his huge right fist straight up into the air in a rugged salutation.

And with that kind of delight you only feel when you know you are the sole partaker of the rarest of gifts.... Yunobo shouted and waved his hand vigorously back, laughing his exultation to the morning sky . . . .

Divine Beast Vah Rudania

Waking of Friday, October 13, 2017 ~ 2

Divine Beast Vah Rudania

I landed on an open platform on the Divine Beast’s bronzy back.

“Hey, little guy. Long time no see.”

It was the voice of Daruk.

He greeted me, encouraged me, believed in me and, like Lady Mipha had done, directed me on where I’d be able to find a map of “the guts of this place”, for I wouldn’t get far without a map.

I looked around and knew he was right. I literally could not make heads or tails of where I was. It took a little bit of trekking to discover that my landing platform was somewhat above the base of the Divine Beast’s tail, behind its hips.

The main control unit stood on the center of its back, beneath the arcing spine of spikes.

So that was to be the final arena.

Well.

From the platform, there was a doorway into the interior; a hallway ramp led down into what looked like a wide space.... befouled with those rancid eyeballs again.... But that was the chamber where the guidance stone with the map was.

I stepped across the threshold—

And a door slammed down fast behind me, Rudania’s dorsal vents contracted all the way, and it was lights out.

I couldn’t open the door again.

At the bottom of the ramp, two lit braziers cast a few blue lumens dimly into the space, and beyond in the inky blackness, malice pools glistened evil dark magenta while wicked eyeballs popped yellowy-orange here and there. Aside from these three visions, the darkness was absolute.

....

Blue Lumens should be the magic shop across the road from The Groggy Moblin.

I saw that with the Divine Beast’s interior closed off from the volcano’s heat, the temperature had decreased significantly, and so changed into some clothes with lesser heat-resistance but greater defense.

I would see to the nearer eyeballs first. But I was low on arrows....

No, I was low on normal arrows. But I had over sixty Ice Arrows.

Waste not, want not.

I switched to Ice, and took out what eyeballs were closest. They crystallized and shattered with a satisfying keeeeshh!

My weapons inventory was full, but I momentarily dropped something in order to grab the torch beside the brazier—this offered much better lighting than the couple of glowing elemental weapons I had tried.

My way was slow. There was no telling what I would find in the darkness. Only all around me dripped that weird Blood Moon haze up into the air, smoking like unholy demons while the music tapped out a creaky-eerie rhythm on a subdued chorus of drums.

But aside from the pools of malice, and a few treasure chests, the chamber seemed empty.

Lighting further braziers with the ancient flame opened new doors, ways through the dividing walls in this huge space. I did meet one small Guardian deeper in, but not much else on my way to the pedestal that gave me the map.

And upon that upgrade to my Sheikah Slate, the dorsal vents reopened, and a burning rusty light filled the gigantic room once more.

But I did not spontaneously combust in the exposure; it seemed the interior of the Divine Beast remained somewhat temperate. Even so, I switched back to my Flamebreaker Armor.

The map indicated there were five terminals to activate this time. And just as with Vah Ruta, it seemed I could manipulate this Divine Beast to some extent to help me on my way. But there weren’t any individual moving parts. Rather, I COULD TURN THE WHOLE LIZARD ONTO ITS SIDE.

I had wondered about that, when I had first passed through the darkened room with nothing but that blue torch. For in the darkness I had come upon strange holes in the floor, barred openings, trapdoors with extraneous protrusions beside them—ledges to stand on.

I found a nice, tight little corner to hide in the first time I tried turning the lizard—you had to be careful not to be standing on the wrong surface and dump yourself into the lava when you did this.

I hit the button, and Vah Rudania went into a slow, sideways creep up onto the wall of the caldera and clung there, settling to stillness again with a resounding groaarr....

The loose treasure chests meanwhile tumbled around the inner chamber. I wondered if I would inadvertently dump any of them into the inferno.... Hard to keep track when the whole room tilts....

To be honest, I found Vah Rudania’s terminals much easier to activate than Vah Ruta’s. Perhaps they were easier. Or perhaps I simply had more experience and could better apply my skills to my situations by then. Perhaps it was, so to speak, just a whole ‘nuther animal.

At the activation of the first terminal, the creaky-eerie drumbeats evaporated and the music once again took on a darker, more sinister, noticing tone. Quicker. Watchful. Aware.

Like the place was on to me.

Just like in Vah Ruta.

But unlike in Vah Ruta, I found myself gratifyingly bounding through the terminals. Tipping the beast here, placing an orb there, activating doors and rollicking through obstacles. Reading the Rube Goldberg like an interesting novella.

A fire arrow there, some Magnesis to follow through.... But there was one terminal which stood in a small, enclosed alcove with only one entrance. And the threshold of that entrance was comprised of a line of fire-spewing vents in the floor. The flames reached up to the ceiling, and there was no way around.

But after only a moment of consideration, I remembered, and stepped up, quite literally, into the line of fire.

The Great Fairies’ handiwork stood firm.

It did not even faze me in the slightest.

“I’M FIREPROOF, SUCKAS!” I sang out, relishing my upgraded Flamebreaker Armor set.

I was having quite a good time. I found a spare treasure chest way out on the club of the tail, and I even ventured out onto the tip of the nose to take a smiling self-portrait with the beast. :)

Soon, though, I was closing in on the final terminal.

Daruk’s voice had been encouraging me forward.

I carried the blue flame on a long walk outside to light another torch on the Divine Beast’s back, which released another orb, which I then guided through its track inside the tilting beast with gravity games....

The orb landed in a pedestal, which tripped open a door, which gave me access to activate the last terminal, which I did, and—

“Great work, little guy!” Daruk’s voice sounded, and he instructed me to proceed to the main control unit.

It was the only place left to go.

It was late, I was on a cusp, and I wanted to eat a bowl of cereal.

But I was in the moment.

Putting it off would wreck it.

I looked in the fridge, settled for the dregs of a bottle of prune juice to be my liquid courage, and activated the main control unit.

Girl Stuff

Waking of Friday, August 25, 2017

Girl Stuff

Nieces are delightful creatures.

Mary just really wanted me to “Play Zelda!”

So eh.... what the hey.

I started up the game, and found that the last time I’d played I seemed to have ended up at Cotera’s spring above Kakariko Village.

Mary wanted me to play whatever the main quest was but ehhhh I didn’t think so. Not under so much threat of buzzkill with all these people in the house.

Instead, I warped back to the volcano to see if I couldn’t find any of those Smotherwing Butterflies I needed to up my Flamebreaker clothes one more level. They were tricky little beasties! Especially when I tried to get a picture of one; it was difficult to keep it centered in the frame while it kept fluttering around. I think I barely snapped a pictograph of the tips of its wings when it finally alighted over the tiny horizon of a rounded rock.

But it did help to have the picture—and thus the ability to search for it—in my Sheikah Slate. I needed something like nine of them, and the girls and I did a lot of walking around Goron City and the surrounding areas. We even found a few Koroks along the way. And a couple of new shrines. And some hidden treasure I think too! A fruitfully circuitous hike.

Once we’d caught as many butterflies as we could stand, we warped back to Cotera, and had her do up my Flamebreaker armor. The giant fairy kiss made the girls laugh. XD They asked questions, and that led to my giving them answers, which led to more questions.... which led to somehow.... they wanted to see the Elephant.

So Zora’s Domain it was.

But how did we get into the menu? One of my weapons must have broken—maybe a bow; you can’t switch via the shortcut to a different bow if you don’t have one equipped.

So in I went to the menu. And Dorothy became quite enamored of just how customizable Link was. She wanted to choose his clothes.

I took off all of Link’s equipment and stripped him down to the skivvies. “Okay, what should he wear?” I said as I hopped the avatar around Vah Ruta’s bare black rock.

“He’s naked!” Dorothy laughed.

Mary and Dorothy were soon taking turns issuing orders for different combinations of clothing. They both quite liked the beautiful set of Zora Armor. Dorothy thought the Champion’s Tunic was a very pretty blue. Both seemed to prefer his open hair to most of his hats, though they thought the Firebreaker Helm was funny. The too-small Old Shirt and Well-Worn Trousers made them laugh too. But Mary and I got the biggest kick out of the regular Hylian Trousers, no shirt, and the Barbarian Helm. I threw in a Dragonbone Boko Club for good measure, and man our hero looked right fit to eat somebody’s face! XD

We rollicked around Zora’s Domain a bit more. They had me scale the giant fish tail above the throne room, and as I had more stamina under my belt this time, it worked! I was even gratified to find a hidden Korok up there. ^_^

But soon the girls had to go, and so.... at the end I warped back to Cotera’s spring where I had been before.... and quit.

The next day, David asked me what all I had done while playing Zelda with the girls.

When I told him we’d spent our time catching butterflies and playing dress up—

“UGHHH,” his eyes bugged, “How does Ben stand it with all girls and no boys?”

I’d never seen him look so disgusted.

GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!

Waking of Saturday, August 12, 2017 ~ 4

GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!

On my way to the North Mine, I encountered a few of a breed of Octorok I’d been seeing lately. They’ll pop out of the earth, look around like they do, the little swear words.... But these kinds wouldn’t start spitting rocks at you the minute they saw you. Instead, they would spend a long moment inhaling, to pummel you with one big hit I imagine. I wouldn’t know, because I’ve never seen it happen. I always drop a bomb into the sucking draft first, and when they swallow it—

Well, you get the idea.

There was one Goron I met at the mine, but it wasn’t Yunobo. His name was Drak. Or, as he said it, “Draaaaaak”. He had a funny kind of drawl. X-)

The mine was blocked off. But Drak directed me to where the supply store was located: on one of those few baddie-infested craggy islets jutting up from that giant lake of lava behind me.

Skull-dens, boomers, and treehouses full of bow-weidling Red Lizalfos no less.

Well.

(Okay so perhaps they weren’t technically tree-houses, but great elaborate platforms anyway. But I’m still calling them treehouses.)

For a while I progressed by my superior archery skills, but after a time.... I did become curious about the great big.... mechanisms placed here and there. Things the Gorons used in their mining, no doubt.

I inspected one of them. It had a great big wide barrel, angled somewhere between thirty and forty-five degrees up from the horizon, on one end, and on the other end.... why that looked just like....

I took out my Sheikah Slate, and called upon Ja Baij.

The round bomb rolled perfectly into the little hole.

I backed up for safety, and detonated—and a hulking chunk of flaming hot rock came BOOMING out of the barrel! It arced over the lava lake and.... exploded pointlessly on the molten surface.

It was still pretty cool, though. I did it a few more times just for fun. X-) It turned out I didn’t need to back up for the bomb-blast; the mechanism seemed to contain it. Nifty!

Still, there had to be more to it.... There was one other part of the mechanism yet. It looked like a handle. But I couldn’t throw it. The A button didn’t work. Bombs didn’t work. In desperation I tried my sword—that worked. Though I hated to shorten the life of my weapons.

At the turn of the switch, the whole mechanism rotated. And wouldn’t you know it, why, I do declare, the barrel looked like it just about lined up perfectly with that there treehouse full of Lizalfos now.

Hmmm.

I rolled in another bomb, and set it off.

You ever blow up—just blow up—a whole treehouse before?

It feels good, man.

Some of the baddie-nests were situated between the set angles of the cannons, and so I had to get creative with my timing. But all in all, I’d say I got the hang of using the cannons pretty well down.

My gosh what pandemonious delight.

Riot! XD

Once I’d cleaned out most of the whole smattering of islets, there was just one more cracked stone barrier to breach, at the top of the final mountaintop. One cannonblast took it out easily enough. And holed up in the back of that cavern.... was Yunobo, I presumed.

“Oh man, oh man, oh man—” he whimpered, fearing the monsters had broken through and were now come to get him....! His voice was young, and light. Especially for a Goron.

But it wasn’t monsters; it was just me.

We exchanged some words, about who I was, and what Boss Bludo had asked me to do. Aside from the light blue neckerchief, Yunobo looked like most other Gorons, though his eyes were not quite so large. He also had a funny little cowlick on his crown that hung over to one side. How old was this . . . dare I say kid?

With the way cleared of monsters, Yunobo took the painkillers and went back to the town.

But I stayed to satisfy my shrine-detector.

It was difficult to get a fix on the signal’s direction, with so little footing beneath me. But I couldn’t see the shrine anywhere anyway; it had to be hidden.

There were some metal rails leading into a cave beneath that rockpile-island that resembled a crab.... and the signal did seem strongest in that general direction....

David was most anxious to watch me figure out the railcars.

Ever see Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom?

Yeah it was kinda like that. O_O

All my flashbacks were of zipping unbalanced over hot lava and sailing over gaps in the rails, Indy grabbing a hank of that curly blonde hair and shoving everyone’s heads down into the cart. I was legitimately frightened that I might flip over if I went too fast! But I made it to the crab island without incident, and there indeed was the shrine. I beat it, went back, wandered around town a bit more.... but did not speak immediately to Bludo again.

Rather—as is so my wont—I decided to take a detour, and go and visit the Great Fairies to spruce up my new Flamebreaker clothes.

Kaysa first—she blew her magic on me. Cotera next, and she bopped me with a kissed finger.

And then I realized: it didn’t seem to matter which fairy magicked up my wardrobe. The first level up would always be done with a blow, the second with a bop, and the third with a giant kiss right to the face.

I guessed any given fairy could just as well do more than one level too, and I didn’t have to travel between them.

But I couldn’t see Mija or any other fairy about upping my Firebreaker armor a third level just then anyway, because I was short a number of something called Smotherwing Butterflies—and that was a critter I’d not yet encountered.

In fact, it seemed there were lots of ingredients I was short of to have my wardrobe enhanced anymore.

Ice Keese wings. Well certainly those were easy, I thought, and warped to the Keh Namut Shrine on the Great Plateau. I went hunting around those peaks and Mount Hylia.... but was only able to harvest one Ice Keese wing in the end.

What other cold places did I know?

Hunting around, hunting around.... as the hour grew later.... hunting around....

Until....

....

I didn’t quite remember where I stopped.

Big Boss Bludo

Waking of Saturday, August 12, 2017 ~ 3

Big Boss Bludo

That was probably the fastest I’d ever bought clothes.

!

My male friends should be proud of me. XD

The Firebreaker Armor was thick, and ruddy, the Greaves looked like robot legs, and the Helm covered my whole head but for a bar-guarded visor in the front for me to see through.

I still really wondered whether I’d just made a big dumb purchase. I was moving so fast—did I want to replay any of this? Savor it more somehow?

But I was here now. And here was where I’d meant to come.

I’d forced my way in.

Hoo.

I decided to take a little walk to catch my breath. I talked here and there, I saw items for sale, food for sale, I met a young Goron selling Fireproof Elixirs in the thoroughfare (he became quite waspish as I regrettably refused him). There were a few other shops I saw as I wandered around, as well as an inn.

This inn didn’t offer regular beds and slightly more expensive soft beds, as I’d seen elsewhere in Hyrule; but rather regular stays and—for a similar extra fee—body massages. Allegedly this would leave you feeling more rejuvenated and energized in the morning, although.... it was hard to keep from imagining, rather, what a pitiful pulp I’d be mashed into beneath those huge Goron fists....

Perhaps what surprised me most inside the inn, however, was the sight of a Gerudo kicking back in a chair by the window.

I spoke with her. Yamella I think was her name.

“Sav’aaq,” she greeted me, “Flirting in the middle of the day are we? Bold.”

WAT.  ._.  “That’s not what I—” Who the heck was this lady? “Aren’t you hot?” I asked her.

But she said she had slathered fireproof elixir over her skin. “There’s a Goron brat outside selling it, if you want any,” she said.

Yeah I’d met him.

Yamella was a jeweler, visiting here for the minerals. But again, Vah Rudania slowed up her business as well.

After a short walk around town, I followed my shrine-detector up to the resident Sheikah Shrine, and beat it. On the walk back, a Goron named Bargoh made me grin when he asked, “What are you doing here, little guy?”

Little guy? It was like something I’d say to a small animal.

Heh, I guess Hylians are kinda tiny compared to Gorons.

Well.... Goron City was reached, the heat was averted, and the natives were restless.

It was time to talk to that elder Goron beneath the blinking yellow dot on my map.

Bludo was his name. He was huge and old, and stooped, and he was the boss of this town.

Heh, “boss”. That’s what they called him. There was something.... charmingly blatant about that title.

Vah Rudania itself allegedly didn’t pose much of a problem to the Gorons—they could handle the Divine Beast.

It was the fact that it kept coming back.

No matter how many times they beat it back with their giant cannons, it always returned to stomp around the volcano’s cone.

But there was another problem. Bludo seemed to have overstrained his back, and it was very painful for him to move, let alone operate the cannons. Even as he spoke to me, there were a couple of times his muscles spasmed and his back emitted a superlow hardcore flesh-coated CRUNCH.

Ouch. >_O;;

He had sent a young Goron named Yunobo to fetch some painkillers from the store of supplies up at the North Mine, but Yunobo hadn’t come back yet.

Three guesses what he asked me to do next.

HOTFOOTING IT

Waking of Saturday, August 12, 2017 ~ 2

HOTFOOTING IT

Perhaps it was that I had so recently finally consumed one of the Spicy Omelets in my inventory. Perhaps it was that I now had plenty of Fireproof Lizards in my pockets. Perhaps I just couldn’t take being called That guy who backed out of the endurance challenge.

Or maybe my shame had finally caught up with me for being such a dawdler.

I warped to the shrine in the desert near Digdogg Suspension Bridge, and hiked from there up into the mountain until I found Bayge, Heehl, Kabetta, and their giant molten hotplate of death.

I hopped up onto it, my clothes started to smoke, and Bayge’s cinematic wound up in an overdone countdown that had me juddering to hit the pause button and find that elixir!

Freedom of movement came soon enough. (Link’s overheated expression in the pause menu looked quite duressed!) I found the elixir, downed it, and returned to the game to find myself.... standing rather sedately on the glowing hot skillet, smoke no longer issuing from my person. That was nice.

I wondered if they’d give me fireproof clothing for beating this! I’d forgotten that it was actually a Shrine Challenge, and so was only slightly disappointed when Bayge called time and the thing rumbled up out of the earth.

The Gorons were all wowed and impressed anyway.

I beat the shrine, collected the Spirit Orb, and decided.... it had been long enough.

With a few more freshly-cooked Fireproof Elixirs in my pockets, I warped to the Eldin Tower.

Setting my face toward what appeared on my map to be the quickest road to Goron City, and what appeared before my face to be a random tangle of ash-slides and twisted rock, I stepped to the edge of the tower, and took a flying leap.

Fwoom! went the thermometer as smoke began billowing from my clothes again. And into the pause menu I went, downed another elixir, returned to the game.... and was safe in my silent glide into the inferno.

The time limit for the elixir’s effect ticked soundlessly away, gleaming unobtrusively in the upper left corner with all the innocence of the impending vacuum of space. The upper volcano was eerie. The glow of the lava so close and ash and lit cinders in the air.

But my boots soon hit the rock, and I was on a mission. I didn’t stop for Lizalfos. I didn’t stop for ore. I didn’t stop for critters.

I had to get to Goron City.

I tried to stay high and cut the corners of the path in my HUD map, capitalizing on the chance to cover distance by paraglider. And when my flight speed and altitude were spent, and I flushed down into the low road, I sprinted. I could only keep on hoofing it up the track.

And then of a sudden I burst through the midst of a gang of Gorons hard at work—the South Mine this place was called. I stopped to talk to a rather swarthy one in a hardhat, some kind of foreman or boss I gathered. The dialogue paused the timer, as I’d hoped it would. But I still didn’t catch his name; I felt too eager to continue.

The Goron simply expounded on what they were about, and how Vah Rudania, the Divine Beast, prevented them from accessing their other mining areas further into the mountain.

How interesting, I thought, and kept on running.

If I’d been feeling a bit more lax, I might have spent some time and thought wondering about the music. There was something.... very familiar about it here in the mining area, and further up the trail. Must’ve been a track I’d heard on a CD; it didn’t sound like it came from a game I owned....

And then Link came to a halt and shook as an awful roaring rent the air—

What about my timer?

The timer was gone. The screen faded instead to a much closer view of the Divine Beast Vah Rudania as it prowled around the cone of the volcano.

My gosh it was....

It was....

But how does one describe the cinematic passing of a Divine Beast, wherein every intricate detail, every curve and corner, every arch, rib and strut of its gleaming bronzy form is at last able to be glimpsed?

I already knew it was big.

....

The short cinematic ended and I kept on running. More and more bits of deliberate metalwork showed up, in archways, in fenceposts, in bridges. Gorons stood or walked here and there. I passed them. I could see the habitation drawing nearer in my HUD map. The name Goron City glowed across the screen. I could see the yellow dot indicating the one I was supposed to meet with. My fireproof timer was about to run out—

That big old stooped Goron was the one I needed to talk to—I ran into the town—Somehow reaching that point had become connected in my mind with the last crossing of this whole terrible bridge. Surely beyond that there would be some sort of fix, some sort of respite. Although.... there also might not be—I sprinted past rocky structures—What would I do when I had painted myself into a corner? What would I do when I had finished speaking with this elder Goron, and found myself in imminent danger of spontaneous combustion? Did I talk to the guy or—

WAIT.

Less than fifteen seconds.

My eyes darted to my HUD map. The building icons had populated.

Clothing shop, clothing shop.... There it was!

Less than ten seconds.

I ran inside, looked at the wares—600—700—2000 rupees—I had money.

Less than five seconds.

I bought them all and put them on—

And I was safe.

And I stood there as my timer ran out.

....

I looked like an old-timey scuba-diver.

....

. . . . . . .

Do you ever wonder if you’ve just made a big dumb purchase?