Ja Baij Triumphant

Waking of Friday, October 13, 2017 ~ 3

Ja Baij Triumphant

But of course, I was repulsed from making contact with my Sheikah Slate.

Unholy dark clouds swirled up around the main control unit, the evil energy condensing into a swirling blue light that was.... much too pretty for what it portended....

I momentarily wondered if I might even see Daruk instead. That light.... so fair....

But a few heartbeats later, the light coalesced into a massive sword, no a right sword-arm, the hulking limb clamped upon by some titanic hilt, from which gleamed a blade of Ancient make, twenty foot long at least—into a cruel left hand on an arm more lithe, palm curled upwards with vicious nails and malicious magenta flesh—into the bottom of the torso, the terrible drippy body, lost like hanging guts, uneven, non-corporeal, irrelevant—and into the head—into massive, massive armor in a wreck of towering dominance, wild horns jutting strangely and bloodred mane split into two matted flags waving—

Some of this I only remember from later glancing at the pictograph I took.

I think I was too close.

But I’m not going back to take another.

Fireblight Ganon was much beefier than Waterblight Ganon had been.

Ugh.

Fortunately, I still had a million ice arrows.

What a serendipitous elemental affinity.

Daruk’s voice encouraged me as I pelted him with arrow after arrow, as I dodged his blade and played ring-around-the-rosie about the main control unit, as I felled him and ran in swinging with the biggest stick I had on me—a Royal Claymore or something, some two-handed longsword with a sharp point and golden embellishments....

I don’t think I sliced him up too much between arrowings, though. I tried one time but.... so close, so dangerous....

And when Fireblight Ganon’s life meter was half-emptied.... he upped his game.

With a terrible roar no living thing could emulate, the monster flexed and flared, fire engulfing its person. The Ancient Blade turned a hot, bright orange. The thing took a place in the air, and began charging up what I could tell would be a devastating attack.

I took cover behind one of the many struts supporting the spiky frill on the Divine Beast’s back. The fiery charge raised in pitch, in intensity, until I heard the monster release it, and the air around me was instantly BLASTED outward, ignited, from where Fireblight Ganon hovered.

But I was safe. That was good cover.

I was confident.

In fact, I was still running on just the half remaining hearts I had left after climbing the volcano.

....

Sweet.

I peeked around and shot a few more Ice Arrows at him, but he soon found a new spot to occupy and charge up a new attack.

I had to move and duck down again.

I glanced at his life-meter. Was I doing any damage?

I stepped out once more and watched carefully as I pelted him again: the Ice Arrows seemed to impact on the encircling sphere of flame; they never made contact with the body beneath. And the life-meter didn’t go down.

My Ice Arrows were now ineffective.

Great, how was I going to hit him? I thought. Projectiles couldn’t penetrate the fireshield; did I need to get up close and personal with a melee weapon?

I looked at Fireblight Ganon again. He was charging up another fireball to cast at me.

And I looked at him.

Arms straining, claw hand trembling, muscles working.... he was gathering in a lot of energy for this....

And I saw—pulling it in.

Sucking it in.

Like those Rock Octoroks....

And a suspicion I’d had of the four Divine Beasts blossomed into further realization.

Four Divine Beasts.

Four Plateau Shrines.

Four Slate Functions.

Each of these four beasts must have something to do with each of my four Slate functions....

Water with Water for Zoras—Cryonis—that one was obvious.

Magnesis and Stasis, those could go either way with the Gerudo and the Rito—

But Bombs?

Bombs were always and forever a Goron device.

And the Gorons were dealing with Vah Rudania.

Vah Rudania had to be dealt with with bombs.

Hadn’t the land of Eldin prepared me for such? Cannons activated by bombs, railcars activated by bombs....

And pulling, sucking Rock Octoroks, defeated by Bombs.

All of this flashed through my mind in the span of a heartbeat or two. Or maybe more—I’m not sure; my heart could have been going pretty fast.

Fireblight Ganon seared with raging heat as he completed his charge and let loose another exploding firebomb—I ducked where the blast couldn’t reach me.

But when he next stopped in the air to charge another attack, I called upon Ja Baij.

In my hour of need, I called upon the aid of the Sheikah Monk Ja Baij!

And Ja Baij delivered.

The round Bomb I hurled toward the demon menace was swirled up in the sucking whirlwind, spinning closer and closer—past the fireshield!—and I detonated.

I don’t remember if I could see the blue of the explosion. But I knew the monster felt it.

He tumbled out of the air and crashed upon the deck of Vah Rudania’s back, stunned and dazed! And in I ran!

I was so far away, but in I ran, swinging and slicing!

Too far away indeed—I didn’t get but a few hits in on him. But I got the pattern down, and there was no safety for him then.

I repeated the attack a few times as Daruk’s voice cheered me on—“Lay it on him, little guy!”

And I did.

And Fireblight Ganon screamed a high keening as it died.... high, high, wailing, shrieking like an over-boiling teapot.... terrible thing....

Divine Beast Vah Rudania

Waking of Friday, October 13, 2017 ~ 2

Divine Beast Vah Rudania

I landed on an open platform on the Divine Beast’s bronzy back.

“Hey, little guy. Long time no see.”

It was the voice of Daruk.

He greeted me, encouraged me, believed in me and, like Lady Mipha had done, directed me on where I’d be able to find a map of “the guts of this place”, for I wouldn’t get far without a map.

I looked around and knew he was right. I literally could not make heads or tails of where I was. It took a little bit of trekking to discover that my landing platform was somewhat above the base of the Divine Beast’s tail, behind its hips.

The main control unit stood on the center of its back, beneath the arcing spine of spikes.

So that was to be the final arena.

Well.

From the platform, there was a doorway into the interior; a hallway ramp led down into what looked like a wide space.... befouled with those rancid eyeballs again.... But that was the chamber where the guidance stone with the map was.

I stepped across the threshold—

And a door slammed down fast behind me, Rudania’s dorsal vents contracted all the way, and it was lights out.

I couldn’t open the door again.

At the bottom of the ramp, two lit braziers cast a few blue lumens dimly into the space, and beyond in the inky blackness, malice pools glistened evil dark magenta while wicked eyeballs popped yellowy-orange here and there. Aside from these three visions, the darkness was absolute.

....

Blue Lumens should be the magic shop across the road from The Groggy Moblin.

I saw that with the Divine Beast’s interior closed off from the volcano’s heat, the temperature had decreased significantly, and so changed into some clothes with lesser heat-resistance but greater defense.

I would see to the nearer eyeballs first. But I was low on arrows....

No, I was low on normal arrows. But I had over sixty Ice Arrows.

Waste not, want not.

I switched to Ice, and took out what eyeballs were closest. They crystallized and shattered with a satisfying keeeeshh!

My weapons inventory was full, but I momentarily dropped something in order to grab the torch beside the brazier—this offered much better lighting than the couple of glowing elemental weapons I had tried.

My way was slow. There was no telling what I would find in the darkness. Only all around me dripped that weird Blood Moon haze up into the air, smoking like unholy demons while the music tapped out a creaky-eerie rhythm on a subdued chorus of drums.

But aside from the pools of malice, and a few treasure chests, the chamber seemed empty.

Lighting further braziers with the ancient flame opened new doors, ways through the dividing walls in this huge space. I did meet one small Guardian deeper in, but not much else on my way to the pedestal that gave me the map.

And upon that upgrade to my Sheikah Slate, the dorsal vents reopened, and a burning rusty light filled the gigantic room once more.

But I did not spontaneously combust in the exposure; it seemed the interior of the Divine Beast remained somewhat temperate. Even so, I switched back to my Flamebreaker Armor.

The map indicated there were five terminals to activate this time. And just as with Vah Ruta, it seemed I could manipulate this Divine Beast to some extent to help me on my way. But there weren’t any individual moving parts. Rather, I COULD TURN THE WHOLE LIZARD ONTO ITS SIDE.

I had wondered about that, when I had first passed through the darkened room with nothing but that blue torch. For in the darkness I had come upon strange holes in the floor, barred openings, trapdoors with extraneous protrusions beside them—ledges to stand on.

I found a nice, tight little corner to hide in the first time I tried turning the lizard—you had to be careful not to be standing on the wrong surface and dump yourself into the lava when you did this.

I hit the button, and Vah Rudania went into a slow, sideways creep up onto the wall of the caldera and clung there, settling to stillness again with a resounding groaarr....

The loose treasure chests meanwhile tumbled around the inner chamber. I wondered if I would inadvertently dump any of them into the inferno.... Hard to keep track when the whole room tilts....

To be honest, I found Vah Rudania’s terminals much easier to activate than Vah Ruta’s. Perhaps they were easier. Or perhaps I simply had more experience and could better apply my skills to my situations by then. Perhaps it was, so to speak, just a whole ‘nuther animal.

At the activation of the first terminal, the creaky-eerie drumbeats evaporated and the music once again took on a darker, more sinister, noticing tone. Quicker. Watchful. Aware.

Like the place was on to me.

Just like in Vah Ruta.

But unlike in Vah Ruta, I found myself gratifyingly bounding through the terminals. Tipping the beast here, placing an orb there, activating doors and rollicking through obstacles. Reading the Rube Goldberg like an interesting novella.

A fire arrow there, some Magnesis to follow through.... But there was one terminal which stood in a small, enclosed alcove with only one entrance. And the threshold of that entrance was comprised of a line of fire-spewing vents in the floor. The flames reached up to the ceiling, and there was no way around.

But after only a moment of consideration, I remembered, and stepped up, quite literally, into the line of fire.

The Great Fairies’ handiwork stood firm.

It did not even faze me in the slightest.

“I’M FIREPROOF, SUCKAS!” I sang out, relishing my upgraded Flamebreaker Armor set.

I was having quite a good time. I found a spare treasure chest way out on the club of the tail, and I even ventured out onto the tip of the nose to take a smiling self-portrait with the beast. :)

Soon, though, I was closing in on the final terminal.

Daruk’s voice had been encouraging me forward.

I carried the blue flame on a long walk outside to light another torch on the Divine Beast’s back, which released another orb, which I then guided through its track inside the tilting beast with gravity games....

The orb landed in a pedestal, which tripped open a door, which gave me access to activate the last terminal, which I did, and—

“Great work, little guy!” Daruk’s voice sounded, and he instructed me to proceed to the main control unit.

It was the only place left to go.

It was late, I was on a cusp, and I wanted to eat a bowl of cereal.

But I was in the moment.

Putting it off would wreck it.

I looked in the fridge, settled for the dregs of a bottle of prune juice to be my liquid courage, and activated the main control unit.

Hylian Charbroil

Waking of Friday, October 13, 2017

Hylian Charbroil

You know, Goron City can be confusing. Absolutely bewildering down on the ground, where the geology is all the same color, all jutting up in a million variations of the same craggy shapes.

It took me a while before I gave up on my HUD and just consulted my full map. And even then.... I took the cheap way out and simply warped to the shrine near Eldin Bridge.

When I hiked up the hill I found Yunobo cowering beneath Daruk’s Protection; two Black Moblins were harassing him.

Well! I had just the mask for that! C:

I donned the Moblin Mask and dashed up the trail. The Moblins turned at my approach and eyed me suspiciously....

I hadn’t quite thought through what exactly I intended to do. Sure enough I was able to get close. Very close. Right up next to them. Which gave me the element of surprise. But there were two of them. And surely they wouldn’t take kindly to any suddenly violent turns on my part. Hmm.

In the end I just did the best I could—I Stasised one of them, and just started walloping away, fortuitously landing the same blows on his fellow as well. They both went down but there would be no more taking them off guard after that.

Moblins can hit. @_@

When I had dispatched them both, the camera swiveled back to center on the trembling Yunobo, and I suddenly hoped that I wouldn’t be forced to move through an otherwise epic and momentous cinematic while wearing.... a Moblin Mask.

But Yunobo only stood up to look around and see that he had been saved, and the game released me to approach and address him on my own.

PHEWF. ouo;

There was a cannon nearby, like the ones at the North Mine. But when I rolled a bomb into it and tried to fire, nothing happened. Huh....

So I turned to speak to Yunobo. He thanked me for my help, and asked where Big Boss Bludo was.

“He’s not coming,” I said.

“What?”

I explained to him about the painkillers not having any effect, and Yunobo looked downcast and fretted about what they were going to doooo.... Yunobo had Daruk’s Protection, and it was the only way to drive Vah Rudania up into the volcano, but Bludo had to work the cannon....

“I’ll do it!” I said.

Yunobo was shocked. He impressed upon me how dangerous this was. Especially for a Hylian.

But with that wonderfully unscripted series of animated mouth movements and gesticulations that Zelda games have become SO fond of lately.... I explained to him I assume that I actually did need to get inside that Divine Beast.

That seemed to lend him a little courage. Heh, for a Goron he just seems so.... youthfully tender.

Yunobo told me that Eldin Bridge was kept raised to bar Vah Rudania from coming down and across from the upper cone. Actually I wondered whether the Divine Beast would even need the bridge.

Likewise, with the bridge in such a position, we wouldn’t be able to cross further upward. But Yunobo said I could knock the bridge into its lowered position by firing him at it with the cannon.

And he hopped in.

:I

So I rolled in a bomb, took aim and blew it up.

You ever launch someone into the sky in a rolling fiery arc?

I’d thought it might be a trick shot, an angle somewhere between set firing directions, and so almost shot him off too early! But he just barely nicked the upper corner of the raised bridge.... and brought it swinging down.

He landed back nearby on the rebound, a little unsteady and with stars dancing around his head. We could go into the mountain now, he said.

I had wondered if it would be anything like it had been with Prince Sidon—hard and fast and in a desperate rush!

But Yunobo was saying—what—we just—

....

On foot??

I’d wondered if perhaps we would have to do cannon acrobatics together but WHAT we just—the bridge is down and then—what, just—over we go? Onto the mountain? WHERE THE GIANT FRIGGIN’ LIZARD IS?

I dunno there was just something off-putting about climbing up after it, into its territory, on our own measly feet.

But that seemed to be the only option. Yunobo followed after me as I moved. Heh, I like it when the NPCs do that. ^_^

He was a bit slower than I....

Near the far end of the bridge we were thrust into a cinematic—Vah Rudania spotted us. The four large circular vents on its back dilated, and a host of smaller, buzzing, propellered things came swarming out.

Oh great, I thought, Those things are gonna come after us and I’m gonna have to shoot them, how many arrows do I have—

Yunobo lamented this new development as well. Evidently Vah Rudania did this whenever he and Boss Bludo came close. If those sentries spotted us the Divine Beast would go into a rage and cause the volcano to erupt; landslides of fiery boulders would come raining down. Bludo could just smash those boulders to bits with his fists.... But he wasn’t here....

I would lead and Yunobo would follow me, but with those sentries in the air.... he proposed we should decide on a signal for when we should move and when we should stop.

My options to respond were

A wink!

A whistle!

Mind powers!

XD

I suggested a whistle, and Yunobo said that was a good idea, even though it was a little like calling a horse....

The cinematic released me and, still fearing those sentries, I ran for cover like a self-respecting coward. But nothing came after us.

So I tested the whistle. It came out different! A short drill of three quick peeps brought Yunobo snapping to a rigid standstill with a “Hup!”

I moved away a short distance and whistled again. It was longer with a rolling pitch this time.

“Coming!” Yunobo called, and ran to where I was, stopping beside me with a triumphant “Ha-ha!” as if we’d just outwitted something.

Heh, that was for when we’d have cleverly gotten past something I guessed. His dulcet tenor voice is so tender....! XD

The whistle alternated between these two patterns, and when in earshot Yunobo was strict to heed it.... but I wished he’d had a slightly quicker reaction time....

We started out tentatively enough, but it seemed the sentries were not actively seeking us out, and so after a short time I had us plunging up the hill and into the crags.

Well.... plunging as fast as Yunobo could go, anyway. He would always catch up to me panting, and even gasped once, “Wait up!”

Poor guy.

The sentries shone bright red searchlights directly below where they hovered or patrolled. They seemed simple enough to slip past at first—though I did have to work on Yunobo’s timing! Under one of the first sentries, before we could reach the shelter of an overhang—before Yunobo could reach the shelter of the overhang—the beam caught him and—

Some buzzing alarm.

“This is bad!” Yunobo cried.

And Vah Rudania hammered the mountain with its enormous club of a tail, sending red-hot rocks cascading down in a thick and terrible rain of crushing DEATH.

They didn’t seem to reach us beneath the overhang, though, where I crouched down and Yunobo shivered beneath Daruk’s Protection.

But much of the rest of the mountain was not quite so forgiving.

The sentries were tricky! The beam of one stationary one I had to block with a large metal plate propped between two rocks. Clever. Others I discovered could be destroyed by casting bombs into nearby updrafts, and detonating when they reached the sentries’ level. Cleverer!

I had Yunobo stay put when I saw more Moblins in the distance, and put my mask on to go and have it out with them.

Turned out they were guarding another cannon! Yunobo hopped in, and I tried launching him at one of the sentries....

I’d say he overshot it by at least a quarter mile.

But he came bounding back and uncurled from his rolling posture, and told me to watch where I was aiming.

I guessed the sentries couldn’t be dealt with that way.

And I guessed.... it was to be a shot at the Divine Beast then—we did seem to be following it counter-clockwise up the cone. I aimed the cannon and fired, Yunobo struck true, and Vah Rudania groared and clambered further on, Yunobo rebounding back a moment later with more stars around his head. He was pretty pumped at our progress!

There were two more cannons, each guarded by two Black Moblins. We jogged our way upward and onward, skirting the sentries we could manage. Whistle. “Right!” Whistle. “Hup!” Whistle. “Coming!”

And other such noises he made.

.... “Wait up!”

Heh, there was even a little icon for Yunobo on my HUD map.

It even had his same fretting little face! XD

But it was deucedly difficult getting him past the last cluster of sentries before the third cannon. That one sentry going round in circles.... the one I couldn’t bring down with any air-drafted bombs....

Alarm.

“Oh no!”

Red-hot boulders.

Alarm.

“It saw us!”

More rib-shattering chunks of flaming rock.

Alarm.

“This is bad!”

Just bury me in the molten rubble rolling on the ground getting my SKIN seared off, no cover from this unrelenting, cacophonous—

It would have been helpful if Yunobo had run ahead to duck and cover, but he kept running back to that little outcrop. And I.... just did the best I could staying close to the cliff walls, trying to let the rocks bounce over me.

Isn’t that what they teach you for hiking?

I tried hunkering down near Yunobo once.

I was BOWLED RIGHT OFF THE MOUNTAIN. The cascade of hot earth blew me cartwheeling through the open air, down, down, high over the endless dark spires like the reaching pits of hades. It took me a moment to recover enough to deploy my paraglider—and turn myself back toward the mountain’s face where I clung like a bedraggled spider.

It was a bit of a climb to reach Yunobo again—thank goodness I had the stamina. But my hearts couldn’t take much more of this. I’d lost Mipha’s extras plus about half my normal red ones climbing this blasted volcano.

In the end.... I forgot the whistle, and just had him follow close after me as I timed a winding path beneath that infernal circling sentry.

And we made it to the last cannon.

Two dead Moblins later, I fired Yunobo at the Divine Beast again, and it seemed that Vah Rudania had had enough. It clambered over the jagged, oozing lip of the cone, pushed itself over the edge to fall into the crater, and—

THE VOLCANO ERUPTED.

With a tremendous rumble, a titanic spray of hot lava ejected out of the caldera.

But it didn’t hit us. And nothing more terrible happened after that.

The Divine Beast had only finally settled down into the very heart of Death Mountain, lizard legs splayed as at rest . . . . or recalculation . . . .

“That was so cool!” Yunobo crowed as we crested the top in cinematic, “You really put a licking on that thing!”

Oh I just love this kid. XD

I don’t remember much else of his parting words. I just remember his voice still so slight and tender, so hopeful as he bade me good luck in finishing the job, as I leapt off the lip after the beast, paragliding down, down, down into the core of fire, and Yunobo still stood there above, back meekly hunched and clasping his low hands before him like he does, blue neckerchief ruffling in the surging, embered heat....

Fiery Portents

Afternoon of Tuesday, September 19, 2017 ~ 3

Fiery Portents

Fresh out of any more wardrobe excuses, I warped back to Goron City, giving Bargoh a warm greeting on my way down to Boss Bludo’s house. Yunobo would surely have handed off the painkillers to him by now....

He had. Bludo was back in action and ready to go. “No disrespect to Daruk’s legacy or anything,” he said, “but it’s time to go beat back that Divine Beast.” Or some such words.

“Daruk?” I said.

Bludo was incredulous that I’d evidently never heard of Daruk. “Look,” he said, pointing to the huge carved stones overlooking the city, “That is a statue of Daruk.”

I looked.

And looked....

Daruk and I stood atop the mighty Divine Beast Vah Rudania, as it poised upon the mountain in the sunlight. “I’m really getting the hang of this thing!” he said, or something like it, “Yep, the other Champions better eat their gravel if they want to keep up with Daruk.” His voice was as gravelly as his hide.

“Great view!” Daruk said, looking around the jagged landscape, “All those delicious rocks....”

Gorons.

“Congrats on becoming the Princess’ appointed knight,” he went on, impressing that it was a big deal, protecting the king’s daughter. Not to mention a tall order, given her personality. “She’s the kind of person who can’t see the mountains for the peaks!” he alleged.

But he stopped short as an ominous rumbling began coming from the mountain.

Huge boulders rained down, one gigantic one right for us—

But Daruk threw up his fists and stopped it with some.... dodecahedral red field of some kind, which glowed like fire in a soft rotation. Stopped it dead. He protected us both.

And after a moment the tremors had passed, and we were in the clear, and Daruk released his magical shield, and we stood straight again.

“Strange,” Daruk mused in a troubled rumble, “The volcano’s been quiet for decades. But if it’s shaking enough to toss boulders that size at us, then...” He paused for only a moment, and then, “No, never mind. Forget I said anything.”

I came back to myself.

Boss Bludo explained that Yunobo was a descendant of Daruk, and that he had inherited Daruk’s Protection. It was a power he could use to shield himself from any attack or bombardment.

“It’s the only way he can protect himself when we fire him at the Divine Beast.”

WHAT.  .__.

Bludo explained that normal boulders wouldn’t do it; they had to launch Yunobo himself at the Divine Beast by means of the cannon oh my gosh wat, just— D:

I guess Gorons are made of pretty tough stuff. o_o

And it was time to get to it. Bludo made ready to go. “Well, time to head back to the—”

Crunch!

He stiffened with a painful jolt.

His back was out again.

He couldn’t believe it. This was getting to be a bother. “Oh, look, I’m sorry to have to ask you this,” he said, “but would you go tell Yunobo that we’re going to have to cancel for the day? He’ll be at Eldin Bridge.”

Eldin Bridge. I’d seen that place when I was catching butterflies with the girls. It had seemed.... a Rubicon of sorts, leading into the higher steeps of the cone about the caldera.

Except this crossing was over hot lava, instead of water.

GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!

Waking of Saturday, August 12, 2017 ~ 4

GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!

On my way to the North Mine, I encountered a few of a breed of Octorok I’d been seeing lately. They’ll pop out of the earth, look around like they do, the little swear words.... But these kinds wouldn’t start spitting rocks at you the minute they saw you. Instead, they would spend a long moment inhaling, to pummel you with one big hit I imagine. I wouldn’t know, because I’ve never seen it happen. I always drop a bomb into the sucking draft first, and when they swallow it—

Well, you get the idea.

There was one Goron I met at the mine, but it wasn’t Yunobo. His name was Drak. Or, as he said it, “Draaaaaak”. He had a funny kind of drawl. X-)

The mine was blocked off. But Drak directed me to where the supply store was located: on one of those few baddie-infested craggy islets jutting up from that giant lake of lava behind me.

Skull-dens, boomers, and treehouses full of bow-weidling Red Lizalfos no less.

Well.

(Okay so perhaps they weren’t technically tree-houses, but great elaborate platforms anyway. But I’m still calling them treehouses.)

For a while I progressed by my superior archery skills, but after a time.... I did become curious about the great big.... mechanisms placed here and there. Things the Gorons used in their mining, no doubt.

I inspected one of them. It had a great big wide barrel, angled somewhere between thirty and forty-five degrees up from the horizon, on one end, and on the other end.... why that looked just like....

I took out my Sheikah Slate, and called upon Ja Baij.

The round bomb rolled perfectly into the little hole.

I backed up for safety, and detonated—and a hulking chunk of flaming hot rock came BOOMING out of the barrel! It arced over the lava lake and.... exploded pointlessly on the molten surface.

It was still pretty cool, though. I did it a few more times just for fun. X-) It turned out I didn’t need to back up for the bomb-blast; the mechanism seemed to contain it. Nifty!

Still, there had to be more to it.... There was one other part of the mechanism yet. It looked like a handle. But I couldn’t throw it. The A button didn’t work. Bombs didn’t work. In desperation I tried my sword—that worked. Though I hated to shorten the life of my weapons.

At the turn of the switch, the whole mechanism rotated. And wouldn’t you know it, why, I do declare, the barrel looked like it just about lined up perfectly with that there treehouse full of Lizalfos now.

Hmmm.

I rolled in another bomb, and set it off.

You ever blow up—just blow up—a whole treehouse before?

It feels good, man.

Some of the baddie-nests were situated between the set angles of the cannons, and so I had to get creative with my timing. But all in all, I’d say I got the hang of using the cannons pretty well down.

My gosh what pandemonious delight.

Riot! XD

Once I’d cleaned out most of the whole smattering of islets, there was just one more cracked stone barrier to breach, at the top of the final mountaintop. One cannonblast took it out easily enough. And holed up in the back of that cavern.... was Yunobo, I presumed.

“Oh man, oh man, oh man—” he whimpered, fearing the monsters had broken through and were now come to get him....! His voice was young, and light. Especially for a Goron.

But it wasn’t monsters; it was just me.

We exchanged some words, about who I was, and what Boss Bludo had asked me to do. Aside from the light blue neckerchief, Yunobo looked like most other Gorons, though his eyes were not quite so large. He also had a funny little cowlick on his crown that hung over to one side. How old was this . . . dare I say kid?

With the way cleared of monsters, Yunobo took the painkillers and went back to the town.

But I stayed to satisfy my shrine-detector.

It was difficult to get a fix on the signal’s direction, with so little footing beneath me. But I couldn’t see the shrine anywhere anyway; it had to be hidden.

There were some metal rails leading into a cave beneath that rockpile-island that resembled a crab.... and the signal did seem strongest in that general direction....

David was most anxious to watch me figure out the railcars.

Ever see Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom?

Yeah it was kinda like that. O_O

All my flashbacks were of zipping unbalanced over hot lava and sailing over gaps in the rails, Indy grabbing a hank of that curly blonde hair and shoving everyone’s heads down into the cart. I was legitimately frightened that I might flip over if I went too fast! But I made it to the crab island without incident, and there indeed was the shrine. I beat it, went back, wandered around town a bit more.... but did not speak immediately to Bludo again.

Rather—as is so my wont—I decided to take a detour, and go and visit the Great Fairies to spruce up my new Flamebreaker clothes.

Kaysa first—she blew her magic on me. Cotera next, and she bopped me with a kissed finger.

And then I realized: it didn’t seem to matter which fairy magicked up my wardrobe. The first level up would always be done with a blow, the second with a bop, and the third with a giant kiss right to the face.

I guessed any given fairy could just as well do more than one level too, and I didn’t have to travel between them.

But I couldn’t see Mija or any other fairy about upping my Firebreaker armor a third level just then anyway, because I was short a number of something called Smotherwing Butterflies—and that was a critter I’d not yet encountered.

In fact, it seemed there were lots of ingredients I was short of to have my wardrobe enhanced anymore.

Ice Keese wings. Well certainly those were easy, I thought, and warped to the Keh Namut Shrine on the Great Plateau. I went hunting around those peaks and Mount Hylia.... but was only able to harvest one Ice Keese wing in the end.

What other cold places did I know?

Hunting around, hunting around.... as the hour grew later.... hunting around....

Until....

....

I didn’t quite remember where I stopped.

HOTFOOTING IT

Waking of Saturday, August 12, 2017 ~ 2

HOTFOOTING IT

Perhaps it was that I had so recently finally consumed one of the Spicy Omelets in my inventory. Perhaps it was that I now had plenty of Fireproof Lizards in my pockets. Perhaps I just couldn’t take being called That guy who backed out of the endurance challenge.

Or maybe my shame had finally caught up with me for being such a dawdler.

I warped to the shrine in the desert near Digdogg Suspension Bridge, and hiked from there up into the mountain until I found Bayge, Heehl, Kabetta, and their giant molten hotplate of death.

I hopped up onto it, my clothes started to smoke, and Bayge’s cinematic wound up in an overdone countdown that had me juddering to hit the pause button and find that elixir!

Freedom of movement came soon enough. (Link’s overheated expression in the pause menu looked quite duressed!) I found the elixir, downed it, and returned to the game to find myself.... standing rather sedately on the glowing hot skillet, smoke no longer issuing from my person. That was nice.

I wondered if they’d give me fireproof clothing for beating this! I’d forgotten that it was actually a Shrine Challenge, and so was only slightly disappointed when Bayge called time and the thing rumbled up out of the earth.

The Gorons were all wowed and impressed anyway.

I beat the shrine, collected the Spirit Orb, and decided.... it had been long enough.

With a few more freshly-cooked Fireproof Elixirs in my pockets, I warped to the Eldin Tower.

Setting my face toward what appeared on my map to be the quickest road to Goron City, and what appeared before my face to be a random tangle of ash-slides and twisted rock, I stepped to the edge of the tower, and took a flying leap.

Fwoom! went the thermometer as smoke began billowing from my clothes again. And into the pause menu I went, downed another elixir, returned to the game.... and was safe in my silent glide into the inferno.

The time limit for the elixir’s effect ticked soundlessly away, gleaming unobtrusively in the upper left corner with all the innocence of the impending vacuum of space. The upper volcano was eerie. The glow of the lava so close and ash and lit cinders in the air.

But my boots soon hit the rock, and I was on a mission. I didn’t stop for Lizalfos. I didn’t stop for ore. I didn’t stop for critters.

I had to get to Goron City.

I tried to stay high and cut the corners of the path in my HUD map, capitalizing on the chance to cover distance by paraglider. And when my flight speed and altitude were spent, and I flushed down into the low road, I sprinted. I could only keep on hoofing it up the track.

And then of a sudden I burst through the midst of a gang of Gorons hard at work—the South Mine this place was called. I stopped to talk to a rather swarthy one in a hardhat, some kind of foreman or boss I gathered. The dialogue paused the timer, as I’d hoped it would. But I still didn’t catch his name; I felt too eager to continue.

The Goron simply expounded on what they were about, and how Vah Rudania, the Divine Beast, prevented them from accessing their other mining areas further into the mountain.

How interesting, I thought, and kept on running.

If I’d been feeling a bit more lax, I might have spent some time and thought wondering about the music. There was something.... very familiar about it here in the mining area, and further up the trail. Must’ve been a track I’d heard on a CD; it didn’t sound like it came from a game I owned....

And then Link came to a halt and shook as an awful roaring rent the air—

What about my timer?

The timer was gone. The screen faded instead to a much closer view of the Divine Beast Vah Rudania as it prowled around the cone of the volcano.

My gosh it was....

It was....

But how does one describe the cinematic passing of a Divine Beast, wherein every intricate detail, every curve and corner, every arch, rib and strut of its gleaming bronzy form is at last able to be glimpsed?

I already knew it was big.

....

The short cinematic ended and I kept on running. More and more bits of deliberate metalwork showed up, in archways, in fenceposts, in bridges. Gorons stood or walked here and there. I passed them. I could see the habitation drawing nearer in my HUD map. The name Goron City glowed across the screen. I could see the yellow dot indicating the one I was supposed to meet with. My fireproof timer was about to run out—

That big old stooped Goron was the one I needed to talk to—I ran into the town—Somehow reaching that point had become connected in my mind with the last crossing of this whole terrible bridge. Surely beyond that there would be some sort of fix, some sort of respite. Although.... there also might not be—I sprinted past rocky structures—What would I do when I had painted myself into a corner? What would I do when I had finished speaking with this elder Goron, and found myself in imminent danger of spontaneous combustion? Did I talk to the guy or—

WAIT.

Less than fifteen seconds.

My eyes darted to my HUD map. The building icons had populated.

Clothing shop, clothing shop.... There it was!

Less than ten seconds.

I ran inside, looked at the wares—600—700—2000 rupees—I had money.

Less than five seconds.

I bought them all and put them on—

And I was safe.

And I stood there as my timer ran out.

....

I looked like an old-timey scuba-diver.

....

. . . . . . .

Do you ever wonder if you’ve just made a big dumb purchase?

AN UNEXPECTED AND IMMEDIATELY URGENT DETOUR

Waking of Friday, April 14, 2017 ~ 10

AN UNEXPECTED AND IMMEDIATELY URGENT DETOUR

A circularish bog.... with a bunch of wooden platforms in it....?

I pulled out my Sheikah Slate and opened the pictograph album.... one of these.... one of Zelda’s pictographs.... THERE IT WAS.

The roundish body of water with all the platforms.... on top of a hill?

With a river running nearby and there was the castle behind it?

“OH MY GOSH THAT’S HERE!” I shouted.

I looked at the pictograph—I was too low and to the right—I needed to be up and to the left—Forget the forest, forget Akkala! I needed to climb the mountain!

I paraglided from the hilltop, across the road, and into the red, red stone of the foothills of Death Mountain.

And I scrambled for it.

It was a place called Eldin Canyon, and it was easy enough to ascend—especially with my Climber’s Bandana.

Quickly, quickly, up, up, up! I was in such a hurry to try and unlock my memory I barely gave myself time to take in what oddities and little terrors I passed. There were glowing-hot rocks—fiery versions of those creepy little golems I’d run into outside Hateno. Infantile Taluses, I think. I blew them up with bombs. And there were big, plump birds—Eldin Ostriches—that looked delicious.... And dangerous! Those legs looked powerful.... But they were afraid of my presence, and fled. I didn’t try to catch any.

I HAD MORE PRESSING MATTERS TO ATTEND TO!

The temperature rose as I climbed higher and higher—the baking oven heat just next to intolerable. But not quite. Not quite dangerous. I could take it....

But as I scaled one cliff wall, and just reached the lip of its top and looked over—I briefly saw the glare of lava—

And whatever wooden weapon I had slung across my back burst into flame.

I backed up immediately, shielding my face below the rock again—I hadn’t known I was so close to the open magma flow! Dropping back down to the dirt below, I quickly put out the fire.

I paused, considering.

From the neck down, I was still wearing full Zora Armor. So sleek, formfitting, made for the water.... I didn’t want to damage it....

Perhaps it was time to switch back to my Hylian attire, which I did. Though I passed up the Hylian Hood and just kept the Climber’s Bandana on my head.

Maybe it made no difference, but it somehow seemed.... more fitting for the terrain. Rugged. Ah, I’d missed this stuff....

And up I went again.... being careful to take a different avenue....

Near the crest of one great lumpy crag of the mountain—my gosh the whole thing just went on forever—it was like traversing the Superstitions from Peralta Trailhead all the way to First Water all over again—plus about sixty degrees of incline and ending in a fiery explosion—

UH, near the crest of one of the innumerable regular-sized mountains that somehow comprised the foothills of this gigantic.... unbelievably huge.... oh the word “mountain” just doesn’t seem to encompass it....

Anyway ON TOP OF A BIG ROCK I MET SOME RED LIZALFOS.

I ran in to cut them down, but.... they moved differently, these ones.... Instead of darting in low over the ground like a snake to end up right next to me, they paused at some distance away—and simply breathed fire at me, in front of a slow, pressing march.

I couldn’t get close; I had to withdraw and change tack.

Running back down the hill a ways, I tried to stay as high as I could on a sort of side-slope that arced up concave from the hillside where I was.

Fire-breathers, huh?

I had never purchased specialty arrows before, but I had found and acquired a few in my wanderings. And I had a good many ice arrows on my person just then....

It was a trick to get close enough to see the lizalfos, but remain far enough away for them not to notice. It was trickier still to aim over such distances—and angles. No flat ground here. I must say, I startled them with a few misfires and made them dart about a bit, but in the end.... with one arrow apiece, they shattered into frozen crystal fragments that melted right away in the burning heat.

The way was clear. I moved all over the hill where the lizalfos had stood, looking down at the bog. Was this right? No, I had to be higher. I got on the rock where the first lizalfos had scorched me. Was it high enough?

I took pictograph after pictograph but they didn’t line up. The parallax bend of the river was off.... and there was a rock somewhere in the foreground that I was missing.

I climbed higher, up to the craggy pinnacle of the concave side-slope I had sheltered on.

This was it.

And.... there was a Korok hiding.

I flushed him out and took his seed, and then walked to the edge, looking out at the Training Camp, and the Castle beyond....

The sun was rising.

No, the sun was setting. And there were scads of slain monsters littering the hill I had just climbed. Bokoblins. Moblins. I could have sworn I even saw the severed head of a Black Lynel, still glowering in a frozen snarl.

Zelda’s voice was sounding.... something about me overdoing it....

I wasn’t immortal, she reminded me.

And she was seeing to some minor injury I had sustained, but it wasn’t bad. Just a little scratched up is all.

She was some Princess, to go climbing all the way out here with me—and through the midst of so many enemies....

She wore clothes like mine. Blue tunic. Dun trousers. Boots for easy movement. A pretty braid of her dusky-blonde hair banded over the top of her head.

She was worried.

No, she wasn’t worried; her voice and her manner were too steady for that.

But she expressed a kind of concern. An unsettlement.

About the increasing frequency of these monster appearances—and the exceedingly more powerful breeds that manifested.

Something about the Calamity....

Something about the Calamity impending....

Was it closing in?

I spent all day on that rock.

I’d almost started down as the morning got on—indeed I did start down—but....

No. I wanted to wait. Until the right time.

I climbed back up, and stayed there a long time after.

Just the Korok and his circle of stones for company.

Until sunset, when I took a few more pictographs.

And that was enough.

Everything was so tiny below me: the Sheikah Tower, the Training Camp, and waaaay down there in the valley, the little horsehead shape of the Woodland Stable.

I paraglided from crag to crag back down the mountain, and soon found myself to be sailing over some enormous switchbacks.

So there’d been a road I could have used.

But there were also a few black moblins scattered along it—sleeping mostly—and one ice wizzrobe, whom I would not have cared to run into.

No, I preferred the avenue of my own making: right up the hills near the forest (Yay Bandana), and right down the hills through the air.

I sailed right down to the Woodland Stable, and for twenty rupees booked a bed to sleep in.

It had been a long day.

A long few days.