Link The Physical

Waking of Saturday, June 2, 2018 ~ 2

Link The Physical

TO BUSINESS....

David’s ahead of me. But I would show him something he’d never done. Something I’d never done either, to be honest, but....

Well, I had faith it was possible.

Actualy.... I knew it was possible!

I’d become quite practiced at avoiding spoilerish images on the internet, but.... I recalled catching it in one YouTube thumbnail I had seen.... it had been pretty striking....

Also I’d heard tell from my Compendium that it was a thing that you could do.

As I ran from the Wetland Stable toward the Honeydell (and saved Leekah again), I felt appropriate in rather recreating what I had glimpsed in that thumbnail, and started stripping off my clothes. I left a rugged-looking spear on my back, though. And so, looking a proper barbarian, I came to the edge of the dell and peered down. The rain made it difficult to see, but there were unmistakably two bears down there.

That.... could complicate matters. I was hardly sure I could handle one bear—how could I be sure the other wouldn’t attack me while I was at it?

As I hemmed and hawed, shirtless Link did something I’d never seen him do before—seemed the programmers had added a new stance dance move....

Suddenly I saw his arms rise slowly up from his sides, straight out—I swung the camera around him to see what he was on about....

And then flex! He regarded one bicep, and then with a slight shift in posture turned his head to admire the other.

Oh my gosh! XD Oh I laughed so much at that.... XD XD XD

Well, eventually one bear ran off, but the remaining one wouldn’t come out of the cave. I couldn’t deal with it like that....

And then that one suddenly ran off too, and I was bearless.

Eh, as it was night, I returned to the Wetland Stable and rested until the morning. Whereupon I gave Honeydell another go, but there were no bears.

Hmph.

So I tried Shadow Pass. I’d seen a bear in there before. And my Compendium said they could be found in the Akkala Highlands. But when I got there all I found was a wolf.

I bounced between the two for a while, Honeydell and Shadow Pass, but with no luck—just a really bad encounter with an electric Keese in the rain—NEVER AGAIN—

And.... David had stepped out again anyway, so.... I decided to hunt some more Guardians in the meanwhile.

Back to Lomei Labyrinth. I killed the Crawler. I killed the maze-lurker. And then.... it was time to revisit the dread basement.

When I floated down this time.... they all could see me coming! I sailed quickly behind the giant pillar by the entrance....

Four Decayed Guardians in the room. That’s how many lasers there had been. I peeked round the pillar’s edge until one of them saw me.

Hoo. I could do this.

I stepped out again, its laser found me, the Piano got restless, and I had to time my parry very carefully this time—the Guardians’ laserbolts were fast, but they still took time to traverse the yards between us. A very short time....

But I whacked it back across the room nonetheless, and that Guardian exploded. Excellent!

On to the next!

I killed the four Decayed ones that way, peeping round the pillar. But there were two Stalkers left. And for those ones all I could do was . . . . well walk up to them as surely as I might, until they came to life.

Sparks and embers rained from the ceiling where the lightning struck on the maze’s rainy surface.

I almost had to come right up between the splay of their spider legs before they’d finally wake up.

Ughuhuh.

But I did it. Twice. And the swell of Strings carried me through the maniacal Piano, and presently every threat was eliminated, and I....

I HAD CLEANED THE BASEMENT.

And its yield brought me up to twenty-three gears! ^_^

HUH! After this, that thing I wanted to show David would surely pose no problem at all!

I warped back to the Wetland, and luck was on my side: the day was fair, and only one bear prowled in the Honeydell, and that well away from the cave.

David wasn’t there, but.... I knew he would be shortly.

Switching once again to my Nature Boy outfit, I leapt off the edge as silently as I could, and paraglided down in a calculated sail toward the bear . . . it was so big up close.

It sensed me just before I landed on its back, and then started jumping and rearing, trying to throw me off....

My stamina is greater than it has been—two full wheels.

And with it I was able to hold on.... and soothe the bear.

After only a moment it stood still, and only rocked in its lumbering animal stance dance beneath me.

Oh my gosh I tamed a bear! XD

And I got it to walk! :D I headed toward the road....

I’d seen David ride a deer at a walk before, but when he had tried to give it a spur it had bucked him off.

Could I get the bear to go faster than a walk? Safely at least?

But I was content to just go lumbering forward for the moment. It was such a big animal—and its tail was quite as fluffy as a rabbit’s!

As I neared the way out of the dell, the bear roared and tried to throw me off again, but I was able to soothe it once more.

It was around this time that David entered the room.

“....Why are you riding a bear?” he said flatly.

“Well that’s not the reaction I was hoping for!” I said, “Have you ever ridden a bear?”

“No,” he laughed.

But I was glad that I seemed to have thoroughly captured his attentions with the spectacle for the moment. ^_^

Spectacled.... Spectacled bear.

LOL.

I asked him about spurring his deer before, and then.... decided to try it on the bear. I hit A—

And the bear started into a great burly lope! It ran down the road! With me on its back! Oh my gosh! XD XD

At whiles it would get tired of me and grunt and roar, but I was able to get it all the way back to the Wetland Stable.

And I wondered....

The more attentive denizens of the stable all cowered and whimpered at my approach—even Kass siffened and looked at me with some pause, his accordion momentarily forgotten. But Lawdon (whom I’d been giving a lot of business to lately) said automatically when I rode up, “Well, looks like you’ve caught yourself a new steed! Would you like to register it?”

“Yes, please!”

“Understoo— Uh...”

And then he looked at my big new mount.

“Oh for the love of Hylia... That’s not a horse!”

XD XD XD XD

“We only board horses here, no exceptions,” he told me.

XD XD XD XD XD XD XD

Oh that was PRECIOUS! ^_^

Ah!

Delightful. > u <

Agh well I figured I’d dealt with the poor bear for long enough at that point. But when I thought about dismounting.... I wasn’t sure he wouldn’t go savaging all the people standing around.

So I rode him back home.

It was rather terrifying and alarming every time he tried to buck me off. And I wondered if, when I let him go.... he’d turn on me and I’d have to kill him.

I equipped something a bit stronger than my scary-looking Nature Boy spear, just in case. But when I got off, we just ran our separate ways from each other.

Heh. Cool.

I rode a bear! ^_^

The Basement

Waking of Thursday, May 31, 2018

The Basement

NOT—THREE—MONTHS.

I REFUSE.

I AM GOING TO PLAY BEFORE MAY BECOMES JUNE, WHICH IS SOON stop rhyming....

I was in the Great Deku Tree’s Navel.

I talked to Pepp, and as it was evening and he insisted so sweetly, I slept in his bed until morning, whereupon I spoke to some of the other Koroks, just to refamiliarize myself a bit. One of them told me a little about the place—“We’re actually inside the Great Deku Tree’s stomach. Try not to think about it too hard.”

Mm. Good advice.

David has been very far ahead of me in the game for quite some time, but.... I wanted to do something that he had never done, and I wanted him to see it.

But he wasn’t around.

So....

I decided to hunt Guardians in the meanwhile. I needed to save up on Ancient Gears so I could get the Ancient Cuirass from Cherry.

And there were a few Guardians I knew how to handle easily enough....

My first stop was Lomei Labyrinth Island. I still had a couple of Ancient Arrows on me, and I knew just where to put ‘em....

The crawler in the central court was easy enough, and then I tracked down the decayed one in the maze. Blew him up too—and found some pretty neat stuff down the corridors formerly under his lasers!

Actually.... as I approached the one long dead end.... it made me kind of sad. Sword and shield and bundles of arrows, and the Thunderstorm Rod....

Somehow all I could imagine, seeing that scattering of weapons on the floor at the dark end of the tunnel, was how they must have gotten there. And in my mind I saw some poor brave warrior meet his final end....

I did not bother with the Flyers, but after cleaning up the two Guardians (well, one and a half) on the main floor, I warped back to the shrine, and considered the column of air blowing up from a deep, deep shaft before the shrine.

I’d found this place before David, but I had just assumed that the air current came from some door down in the central court. Like an elevator. Guarded by that Guardian.

But when I watched David do the labyrinth, he had decided to explore that shaft for himself.

The bottom of it did not come out into the central court.

It turned out that Lomei Labyrinth Island.... had a basement.

And that basement was full of Decayed Guardians.

Admittedly most of them were truly dead, but that did nothing to lessen the terror of seeing them all like so many spiders in the bottom of a forgotten barrel. Some of them were even Stalkers—they were of the variety that could move, like the one in the central court.

I knew all of this as I climbed down the shaft for myself, dropping short distances and grabbing on again to conserve my stamina. And when I neared the bottom, I dropped out and angled myself just enough to clear the air-column, and then floated with my paraglider directly downard to the floor where I landed in a crouch and did not move.

I considered my surroundings. My pictobox came in quite useful, as I could use it to spot which Guardians were alive. Marking their locations carefully, I gave these all a very wide berth as I combed the gigantic underground room to get at the dead ones.

Wasn’t able to salvage any gears, though.

But when I had satisfied myself with scavenging.... or when I just plum couldn’t take it anymore—I turned my attentions to the last thing I knew I’d be able to touch in peace down here. That’s how it had been for David.

In the center of the chamber was a small rectangular dais, set with torches. And between those torches sat an unassuming treasure chest.

I did just as David had done, dipped into a cautious crouch, and moved slowly—so, so slowly—toward it.

And just as David had done, I made myself stand up for a frightening few heartbeats so that I could get onto the dais.

And crouching once again, I approached the chest....

And opening it I obtained.... a Diamond Circlet, with protective properties against Ancient weaponry!

And.... just as had happened with David.... once that chest was open and the dialogue box showing me my prize had closed....

LASERS.

Four of them. From all sides.

It was here that I had planned to deviate from the course that David had followed; I had no intention of making it back to the entry point and riding the shaft of air back up to the top—I just wanted to warp back out to the shrine!

But.... for some reason, I didn’t.

Some distant memory stirred.... And I had a Guardian Shield on me. Couldn’t those deflect....?

For some reason, right then, I just wanted to see.... if I could manage....

I didn’t. Four laser bolts came in at once and flash-fried me where I stood—but for some reason when I stopped tumbling I noticed I had only lost five hearts. Maybe one of the bolts had blown me clear of the rest....? Or it could have been Daruk....

I didn’t spend too much time thinking about it; I retreated to my Sheikah Slate and told it to warp me the heck outta there. And it did. Usually I’m standing when I do this. It was a little dramatically striking to see Link instead crouching in a protective huddle, with his arms raised over his head, as he coalesced into blue light and teleported away....

When I was safe again I checked my inventory. Yes, the Guardian Shield could defelct Guardian blasts. From Guardian Scouts.

Oh dear. Did Guardian Stalkers and Guardian Scouts have similar weaponry? The Stalkers were everywhere on the map, but the Scouts could only be found within Combat Shrines.

But.... I wanted to test it....

Where in the world was this Courage coming from?

The Most Dangerous Game

Afternoon of Tuesday, September 19, 2017 ~ 2

The Most Dangerous Game

Out back of Kakariko on the Sahasra Slope, before I met the Bokoblins, I actually took a detour over toward the west. The very first Guardian Stalker I’d ever met was over there, safely down in a dell where it couldn’t reach me. And now I was armed with Ancient Arrows, and a little more experience.

I once again practiced my aim with a few normal arrows before shooting off an Ancient one; and again the Guardian’s life meter emptied in a heartbeat, as it shook and rumbled and collapsed and exploded to the ground.

And it left me Ancient Gears! 8D Why, if I could harvest these Guardians all right.... I’d be well on my way to a set of Ancient Armor!

WHY do Zelda games DO that???  8C

You want the item that makes Terrible Thing easy! Or easier. But the only way to GET said item is to do the Terrible Thing without its help! So that once you acquire the item, the item which would make the Terrible Thing more bearable—YOU ARE NO LONGER DAUNTED.

RURGH it is a WICKEDLY devious method of conveyance for the life lesson that you don’t need the magic feather.

BLAST THEIR MAD GENIUS.

Where the heck was I?

I was killing a Guardian.

I killed the Guardian, collected its spare parts, and ventured down into the dell. I was sure one of the big boulders down there was a Talus. The place was too rocky and open to not be a stage for a boss fight. But none of the boulders I jumped on jumped back at me.

At least, not until I was done exploring and accidentally jumped on just the right one on my way back out of the dell.

And this one was tricky in that its vulnerable protrusion of ore was situated somewhere down near its butt. It stuck out from a surface upon which I could not maintain a footing. I did the best I could with leaping blows from above and below, and eventually the brute went down.

I would have gone straight back to the slope to test out the mask on the Bokoblins after that, but I was further surprised by another Guardian. Another Guardian Stalker creeping around near where the first one had been. Out of the dell this time.

You know, in hindsight, I really should have marked my map with their locations.

Fortunately, habit saved my skin: I was once again keeping to the high ground, and on my grassy upper shelf I hugged the mountain tightly to keep out of the second Guardian’s line of sight.

But somehow, many paces later as I came near the road back into Kakariko again.... the needle red laser found me, the Piano threw a fit, and that Guardian Stalker was coming for me.

I turned to face it, jogged a little away from the cliff. Kept my feet moving.

It still walked as its targeting laser bored into my shirt. Just coming right up to me.

I kept moving—the laser beeped—I dashed to the left.

I had never dodged one of their attacks on foot before.

Leastways not without some cover.

But I saw the blue bolt shoot past me away on the right as I ran away from it, a perpendicular course.

Had I been in some magical Goldilocks Zone of the Guardian’s range? Not yet crossed the deadly event horizon of its targeting laser acquisition speed?

The outside of a record spins faster.

I didn’t think about it. I just nocked an arrow as the Guardian drew closer.

Did I even have time to practice with a normal arrow?

Yes.... yes I think I did make it stutter with a hit to its eye.

And then the Ancient Arrow.... and the Guardian crumbled and rolled down the hill. And I ran to collect its sprawling spare parts. More gears....

I killed a Guardian on open ground.

Just me and him. And I came out on top.

I could kill Guardians.

After I went and sported with the Bokoblins in my mask, I warped to Robbie’s. I was over budget on gears now. That Ancient Cuirass was as good as mine.

But as I looked at Cherry’s wares, I considered. Items of clothing for some parts of the body have a generally higher defense than those for others. Some items of clothing come with special perks. I had come seeking the Ancient Cuirass, but.... would that really be the best choice?

I also considered what materials were required for Cherry to make me more Ancient Arrows. Because I was definitely going to be wanting more of those in the future. Ancient Shafts.... What was my budget there?

It’s tough to go shopping when there are so many different flavors of what can act as currency, and the arrays of what they can purchase so varied and yet overlapping.

In the end the most economical and perk-preserving choice seemed to be the Ancient Helm. The Champion’s Tunic was still quite strong, and it granted me the ability to see my enemies’ life meters. Some Ancient Shafts were required for the Helm’s construction, but not so many that I couldn’t put the balance of what I had toward the purchase of five more Ancient Arrows, for the bulk-discount price of *cough* four hundred rupees. @_@

Eric Sorenson would be proud at least.  :|

Heh, the helm looked.... unearthly! My eyes were covered.

Actually it looked like—

“Hey, I look like a Shrine!” I said to David. ^_^

The top of the helm did come up in that distinctive shape. And the bottom fringe had bright blue little circles all around it, with a slightly more prominent one front and center where my eyes would have been. My hair hung loose in a shaggy golden mane, longer than I’d thought it was.

Actually I thought it looked kinda cool. XD

And so after that it was a warp to the Lomei Labyrinth, a paraglide over the court, and a quick dash into what I believe was the selfsame hole I had hidden in last time.

The Piano heralded the Guardian’s approach, and I let it draw near, and took it down just the same. More gears.

That was my original four Ancient Arrows spent. Five fresh ones left.

As long as I was on a roll, I decided to press my luck, warp to the Akkala Tower, and attempt to take on.... a Flyer.

It was pouring freezing rain when I got there.

I switched to my Warm Doublet, and considered the encircling fiends.... One Flyer’s patrol took it time and again to the dead end of one lonely turret of land that stuck out toward Zorana. Some forgotten bastion with a few crumbling ruins on it—and a few trees for cover. I’d try that one.

I leapt from the tower and paraglided over the Flyer, briefly wondering what would happen if I just dropped down on top of it....

Eh, another time.

I headed for the little row of trees and waited for it to come back.

Rusted cannons still stood faithfully in the pouring rain.

Uh.

It’s a special kind of dread, getting ready to make yourself seen....

The Flyer came back and just got hoppin’ mad when it saw me. When it drew near I took a few desperate practice shots, but the angle was difficult, and the Flyer was too close for me to dodge its first blast. Took out more than half my hearts. But I got up again and nailed the thing with an Ancient Arrow....!

And its life meter only half emptied.

Already it was finding me again, charging up—oh dear.

Mipha had to come to my aid before I was able to hit it again and bring it down completely.

So it took two shots to kill a Flyer.

Well that was good to know.

And now I had three Ancient Arrows left....

....

Maybe in the future I’d just try to stick to the crawlers if I could help it.

Those arrows were expensive.

The Worst of Bad Ideas

Waking of Friday, August 11, 2017 ~ 5

The Worst of Bad Ideas

I warped to Robbie’s place, and spoke with Cherry.

But I was still a few gears short—she wouldn’t be crafting me the Ancient Cuirass today.

Rats.

I went back outside. Full of the restlessness of the thwarted, I again regarded the large, cubic maze standing in the sea. The last (and only) time I’d tried to paraglide to it, I’d run out of stamina just before I got there.

I had more stamina now.

....

In a raging fit of stupid, I leapt for it again.

The wind was not on my side.

One, two, three, and four Guardian Flyers once again came into view as I neared, sweeping over the corridors like vultures. Did Guardian Stalkers roam the paths beneath?

There was the entrance, that solitary gap in the strange, monumental edifice.

I touched down near the lip with both altitude and stamina to spare.

Lomei Labyrinth Island it was called.

A Guardian Stalker crouched at the far end of the large, central court.

It wasn’t moving.

I consulted my map.

Only one pathway seemed to lead to the shrine at the back, the first pathway on the right off the central court.

I took a step—

And the monk of the Sheikah Shrine addressed me. His name was Tu Ka’Loh.

His treasure would be mine if I could find the end of the labyrinth.

And as his words ended, I realized the boundary of his foreboding welcome must also have been the boundary of that Guardian Stalker’s ken—for it lit up and started moving toward me, preceded by its needling laser....

I booked it to the right, found the hole, dashed in quick, turned around a corner, and hid, my heart’s blood in my eyes and my lungs running silent—where were those Flyers?

The Piano drew in close to me, plinking its unobtrusive G minor again.

I gazed at the blue crack of sky above me, waiting for one of them to pass, desperate to learn its pattern, and so evade it....

But if I sat here too long, would something else find me?

I looked at my map again. I could see the way to go. Maybe if I just made a run for it....

But as I turned corners, pressed myself into walls, wedged into alcoves and dead ends, my eyes combing the strips of sky above for deadly threats.... I found that the maze seemed to be emptier than I had thought.

Almost.

A few stray Keese and Flame Chuchus wandered here and there. But they posed little threat.

I had thought that, as my map seemed to indicate, some of the passages were only an intricate series of dead ends. But I soon discovered that they were more thoroughly interconnected than I could have imagined. Ladders led up to hidden chambers inside the walls, huge Magnesable blocks revealed further sprawling junctions.... I soon became quite lost, my only gauges of proximity to the shrine my Sheikah Slate and HUD.

Wandering in the northern reaches of the tangle, I soon turned off my shrine locator; the beeping combined with the towering entrapment of the maze was enough to make one mad. And the deceptive boundaries shown on my map eroded my resolve to follow the map at all. I began to chase down every avenue I could, running, turning, delving, trying, hitting dead ends, spilling into endless branches of corridors....

Actually I reminded myself something awful of Fleur Delacour in the fourth Harry Potter movie.

But I hadn’t quite lost my mind yet....

Eventually I did come to that topmost corridor on the map—the one that surely would lead me to the shrine—

It didn’t.

It was just a long hallway.

I could hear the Islander Hawks crying. But when I looked up, I only saw a Guardian Flyer sweeping over the top of the maze, the red light of its eye swiveling....

Seemed they couldn’t see all the way to the bottom where I was, though.

The mighty labyrinth walls were climbable, as it turned out.

The Flyers were only there to keep me from cheating.

For all the hidden passages there seemed to be, I could find no way to get to the western half of the labyrinth. I had dashed into that hole on the east, and east was where I had been. But was the way to the shrine in the western half of the island after all?

The only way I could see to get to the western side was to cross the central court. There was only one problem—and when I’d crossed into the maze, that problem had started patrolling around. The Guardian Stalker was still too big to enter the tight labyrinth passages. But it made the central space a very dangerous place to enter, or even to look in on. I’d passed by those doorways a few times, and every time the Guardian saw me, it would gleam hot red and the Piano would make a fuss before I got the heck outta there!

But I couldn’t be afraid forever.

And I needed to get to the western side of the labyrinth....

And—rare gifts I’d received, but never used—I did have four Ancient Arrows on me.

And I’d heard some hearsay lately.... One man I spoke to said he’d heard that an Ancient Arrow could take down a Guardian in one shot.

One shot?

I’d heard they were strong against Guardians, but.... Really?

Could it be true?

I could do it.

I just had to keep my cool.

Such a nervous thrill of dread as I stood around the corner of an entrance to the court, hearing the approaching tunk-tunk-tunk of its feet, watching its life-meter (1500) float across the screen—thanks, Champion’s Tunic.

I let it complete its pattern once more.... and then stepped out where it would see me on its next pass.... and waited.

It had wandered off northward, toward where the Shrine was. It would come back south along the west side before turning in my direction.... and it did.

A hot red glow. A rush from the Piano. The laser found my shirt. I zipped behind the corner again. But that didn’t quiet its intent approach.

I took another peek. So did the Guardian, with its laser. It was still coming my way as I again ducked behind the stone. It was quite a mossy old thing, now I took the time to look.

It came right up to the wall, right up to the entrance—dared I step where I could see its eye and try a few practice shots with normal—ITS LEG CAME THROUGH THE HOLE AND STARTED STEPPING AROUND NOPE—NOPE BACK UP—YUP—’KAY—THAT WAS A GOOD PRACTICE RUN—GONNA LET IT RESUME ITS PATTERN NOW.

I pulled back.

Good GRAVY I pulled back for a moment.

Okay.

Okay I just had to take care of business before it got that close again.

I could do this.

Hoooo....

It wandered back into its patrol, and I again stepped out from behind the corner. And again it turned to see me right on that parallel, dead ahead across the court. And again the Piano threw up the cry and the Guardian and I played a deadly game of peek-a-boo chicken with each other, I lingering so long on one look that it actually fired a blast into the hole where I was—I evaded the fireball.

And when it was close—but not too close—I stepped out for the last time and took aim with my bow and a plain, wooden arrow.

The Guardian glowed so bright magenta and angry, white-hot power whirring up in its casing as its laser found me.

It was close enough. I could hit that.

I let fly.

Khing!

That SOUND—that WINNING SOUND that lets you know you’ve struck somewhere tender!

And the Guardian lurched backward—its head swiveled as if to clear itself—found me again—glowed that angry red—

I let fly again.

Khing!

Another arrow to the eye! Another lurch, another stumble, another shaking and regaining itself—A shot to the eye could forestall the laser.

The Guardian locked onto me again.

And I let fly again.

Khing!

And that was enough practice.

The Guardian recovered, began to glow—

I nocked one of my four precious Ancient Arrows....

....and let fly.

And for some reason the spectacle I remember most vividly was not the smashing, the glowing, the shattering, the breaking, the crumbling down, the hot glowing to explode—

It was the instantaneous, complete and utter darkening.... erasing.... EMPTYING of the life-meter.

I, with one Ancient Arrow, had slain a Guardian Stalker.

I cheered as I ran out to collect the spoils it had left behind—including three Ancient Gears! Still left me one short for the Cuirass, but what progress this was! I would have to come back here after the next Blood Moon!

The central court was now mine to cross freely, and I plunged into the west side of the maze. This side likewise had hidden passages and alcoves, all in a deucedly confusing tangle. But after a very long while, I came to a series of staircases that took me up, up, up to the chamber where the Shrine was. Tu Ka’Loh you dastardly....

There was no challenge inside the shrine. Of course it was a Blessing Shrine.

I came up to the requisite chest, wondering if I’d have room in my inventory for whatever weapon this might be.

But it wasn’t a weapon this time.

It was a Barbarian Helm.

A menacing, bleach-bone skull over the crown; long, cruel, curving horns on either side; and a wicked mane of wily red hair down the back.

I might have accidentally glimpsed something like this on the internet once....

But seeing it now, taking my time to take it all in from every angle....

It was AWESOME.  >u<

Well, new clothes meant only one thing: time to see a Fairy.

I went first to Mija, then to Kaysa, and each of them enhanced my new Barbarian Helm by one level. But after that I needed more materials.... materials I didn’t have time to collect at that moment because of how very late it was and how very tired I was getting.

But content that I had conquered the most daunting shrine on my map, and acquired a WICKED new hat.... I warped back to the shrine by the Tabantha Bridge Stable.... saved.... and quit.

The Forest of Killing Time

Waking of Wednesday, June 7, 2017

The Forest of Killing Time

Yesterday I had to reset my clock. The power had been out for a couple of hours, because some men from SRP came to our neighborhood and removed an old transformer in the alleyway, replacing it with a newer one.

Must’ve been that devil from Hateno Village again....

That night I had dreams that after the next Blood Moon.... two rusted Guardians waited down the hill from Robbie’s house.

I had seen something very strange when I downloaded the Akkala map. And now at Robbie’s house I could see it with my own eyes: far to the northeast, standing tall from the sea like some kind of prison, was a great, cubic island of black stone.

It was a maze.

And at its heart in the back the orange glow of a shrine could be seen.

David had told me it was swarming with Guardians, so I went to have a look for myself. I jumped off the seaside cliff, and paraglided through the rain....

As I neared, a Flying Guardian came into view, sweeping over the twisting passages. Anything below it would surely be trapped like a rat.

Then another came into view. And another. And another.

Four Guardian Flyers patrolled above.

And who knew what lay in wait inside....

I sure didn’t, because my stamina ran out just before I got there.

I warped from my freefall back to Robbie’s, and thence.... to the Plateau. I wanted to see if old Guardians could be salvaged more than once.

Turned out they couldn’t; none of the old rusted ones around the Temple of Time had anything left for me to find.

Feeling braver, I tried around the East Abbey—home of my first nightmares. There wasn’t much to be found there either. But I took the opportunity to mark on my map where the live Guardians were situated.

As long as I was back on the Plateau I felt like wandering through it again. I had a Warm Doublet now, and I wanted to see the top of Mount Hylia.... and pick up some treasure I’d meant to get before, high on a tower near the treehouse where I first learned to cook.... There were plenty of Koroks that turned up along the way as well....

And then there was something that Jenn had said, so long before.... “How do you beat that miniboss in the forest?”

I hadn’t seen any such miniboss.

Of course, I hadn’t combed the entire forest, either. What was it, a Hinox? A Lynel? I wandered through the trees until I came to a little open spot of ground that made me think once again what a splendid fighting arena it would make....

And a Stone Talus burst out of the earth—not even Talus Junior—just STONE TALUS.

And the Piano conjured up all its percussive friends and laughed at my blundering into the trap!

I ran. The Talus dug up huge boulders out of the earth and hurled them at me! I could only dodge them and get behind the thickest trees—oh gads, one hit with one of those....

I put some distance between me and it until it quieted down again, and then....

I ran back in and climbed up on top of it before it could fully unearth itself this time! The Piano started up again and the Talus pitched and rolled—it is HARD to stand on top of a Talus! But there was its big lump of ore sticking out—I could attack that—if I could reach it....!

It flung me off and I hit the ground and rolled to a stop.

“Get up get up get up, Link!”

I ran back in, so close to its stubby little legs—stubby, they were as tall as I was—and sheltering beneath its bulk, I thought ridiculously: The closer we are to danger, the farther we are from harm!

The Talus’ huge, huge hammerlike upper appendages pounded the ground—but I was too close to its body. I jumped and gained a lucky purchase on its.... back? I think. It was hard to tell—and started climbing—at times hanging almost upside-down underneath it as it rocked and lunged! But I scaled up its stony hide and got to the top once more.

I hammered away at the protrusion of ore with my Special 38 Big Stick—the Knight’s Claymore—knocking chunks of Amber off at every stroke—the stone beneath my feet rumbled and jerked so erratically—it was so difficult to maintain my stance—but then with a final swing the ore protrusion shattered and the Talus was defeated!

And as it toppled I jumped and ran for it! I’d had giants fall on me before and I was NOT going to have that again!

The Talus collapsed and exploded into a resplendent pile of glittering gems—with two Rubies this time I think—which I happily collected before skipping off on my merry way through the woods.

I beat a Talus! ^_^

When I’d had my fill of the Plateau, I thought of where else I might find Guardians to salvage. My first thought was the Valley of Terror near the Dueling Peaks. But I also thought perhaps to sweep the road between here and there....

I paraglided down into the Forest of Time just to the northeast, because that had looked interesting on my map, dodged a couple of Moblins, and headed for a tall wooden lookout tower to take shelter in. Some Stalkoblins (as I’ve learned they are called from my Compendium) popped up in my wake and started throwing rocks at me as I climbed the ladder. It hurt more than I thought it should—and then I realized I was still wearing my Warm Doublet. Not a lot of defense threaded into that one. Except from the elements.

I came out onto the high platform, and choked—the tower was loaded with high explosives.

“Oh, nope!” I shouted, heading for the first barrel. “You.” I grabbed it— “Out.” —and chucked it over the edge. It exploded in a magnificent fireball, taking at least one of the Stalkoblins with it. “And you.” And the other— “Git!” —went over in like fashion.

The volatility of my immediate surroundings now significantly lessened, I had a look around. You know, it was a nice little tower—a nice, wide platform, little guardrails.... I could see the east road I had first taken so long ago, threading away through some ruins—

And there were Guardian husks down there.

I could search those—

But no, I couldn’t. Not right now.

Because a Blood Moon was rising.

Those east road Guardians would have to wait.

I warped back to Robbie’s and paraglided down the hill, grateful it was steep enough to allow me to do so. I found the rock again . . . . and waited.

I readied myself for a scuffle—I knew there were those three Stalmoblins there at least, but the Guardian?

I waited . . . .

11:30 struck, and the ground began to smoke. Unholy embers. Hazy light. Swift red clouds. And the Piano rumbled the pained low groaning it reserved only for those moments . . . .

I stood away from the rock, and faced the space where the Guardian had been before, when Zelda’s warning came in vision to my mind once more . . . .

And when she had done speaking . . . .

THE GUARDIAN WAS BACK.

Back and awake with blue light, clicking and whirring as it swiveled its can-head, looking for things to shoot.

“Dang it!” I hopped over to the other side of the rock.

The Stalmoblins didn’t appear.

But now the Guardian was back.

How’d you manage that, Ganon? Resurrecting machinery you never even spawned in the first place?

Ah poop this was so lame....

I climbed back on the rock, and destroyed it the same way I had destroyed it before, with arrows to the eye.

And when it broke down and exploded, I looked hopefully for Ancient Gears or Cores....

But all that was there was a pile of screws.

“You cheapskate,” I muttered as I hopped down to collect them.

Well screw you too.

. . . .

You know, they might actually have been springs, but then I couldn’t have made that joke.