Madman Joseph

Afternoon of Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Madman Joseph

CONFOUND AND BEBOTHER THIS JOSEPH!

I’ve told him, no spoilers. I know he’s ahead of me, and maybe he does feel the terrible, irrepressible need to express and geek out like I do—but for the love! Does he have to go saying so many things?

Of course.... he did warn me about the green chuchus, and I’ve never let one touch me so far.... But today after he made buggy eyes at me when I told him I hadn’t been able to play in like a week...

“Just one more thing, just one more thing.... ZELDA IS GANON!” he hissed as he began to make his way back to his cubicle.

He knows by this point that I don’t want to be spoiled and so I am sure he was joking but must he make my mind spin? Maybe the male brain is like a toolbox where individual thoughts are kept in separate boxes that do not touch, and only removed one at a time to be worked upon in the central workspace, which otherwise remains blissfully clean and empty.

But the female brain is like a bowl of spaghetti! One spaghetti could be touching like.... twenty other spaghettis!

You tell me things like that and immediately I’m thinking Wait does he possess her? Well it wouldn’t be the first time that’s happened. Am I heading into a trap? What if I can’t trust the first Zelda I see in this game? No but what if I’m getting worked up for no reason? Will I treat that part of the game differently now? If there is a part like that? I’m just guessing here! What if the avatar in my head turns mean against her when he shouldn’t? Ugh I wanted a pure experience for this log.... is this gonna spoil the flavor?

Dang it, Joseph, it’s overtime week and I been up since 3:30 today and yesterday just to get my part out of the way quicker now SCAMPER OFF and let me and my Batman:TAS soundtrack do our data entry.

And if I meet you and your hearsay on the road again, Madman Joseph.... I’m throwin’ up my arms and dashing away in a flail like any other self-respecting Hylian. I will fill my earbuds with my favorite hotel air conditioner white noise and refuse! I say NO, Sir!

HHHH.

In the meantime I think I’d better change tack. The river goes on for a long way; I have no idea where it ends. But the rest of the wetlands.... as mind-bogglingly vast as they are.... are, in fact, finite. I think.

I think I’ll warp back to the tower where I met Gruve and do a little surveillance; maybe Mei will turn up.

And then....

I am still piqued by that other shrine signal I caught near the Floret Sandbar.... And a strange earthy mound I saw, jutting with giant bones and oozing all over with those pools of malice—as I’ve learnt they are called. The black-and-magenta creepstuff.

Hm, feeling braver am I?

Well, definitely curiouser if nothing else.

No, but Mei first. Mei first.

I wonder if I’ll have to comb it fine right through all the islands.

Including the one with the big red Hinox.

Dear me.

Shatterback Point

Waking of Saturday, March 18, 2017 ~ 8

Shatterback Point

I could see the Lynel down through the pines, still prowling over his meadow.

That was a beast so fierce....

I’d gotten my twenty shock arrows. Plus four more I found stuck in the highest tree on the mountain—near which I saw a sign jutting out of the rock. It read:

JUMP AT YOUR OWN RISK

For there was the precipice.

I still wore my Zora Armor, and was not catching a chill.

Shatterback point, it seemed, was still in an accessible altitude.

The sun was brighter up here, and far, far below in the Reservoir, the Divine Beast Vah Ruta still spewed and churned its endless surge of water up into the air.

My gosh the views from up here.... I could see a few unvisited shrines! But such a strain to look back over the long miles I had traveled since my awakening. The Dueling Peaks lost in the surging waterspout. These were landscapes unfamiliar to me. I was far from.... well anywhere really.

I took several moments to catch my breath.

The force to be reckoned with here....

But.... eventually I had nowhere else to go.... but down.

I knew if I jumped over water, I would arc into a dive.

And this was a good diving spot, Gruve had said. His favorite.

And I could see the Reservoir below me. Misted over by mere atmosphere, my gosh....

And screwing up my courage.... I leapt.

Plummeting, plummeting, spearing down through the air and—a diagonal line of contrast cut across my view almost directly below me. Dark on one side, light on the other.

It was the shore, no, I was going to land in the shallows—Gruve was this part of your diving thrill?

It rushed toward me as I joysticked upward and could not deviate from my course and—no, it was not the shore—it was the mountain’s shadow on the water—

Splash!

I had arrived at the—in the Eastern Reservoir.

Thank goodness there was a shore, though, just a short swim behind me now. I made for it....

Once on solid ground again I hiked back westward over the paths and craggy rocks toward the Reservoir wall above Zora’s Domain. There was a long pier there—one of four, I think, about the Reservoir—hewn of the same light blue stone as all the other Zoran architecture I had seen. A hop, skip and a jump more to a big bald shelf of stone, and I came even with it.

Prince Sidon was standing there at its end, gazing out over the grey water.

I called out to him, but I don’t think he could hear me. Probably the roar of Vah Ruta’s constant waterspouting.

But it was only a few more moments of climbing, and jumping over some guardrails, before I made it to the pier myself.

It was quite nice, broad and spacious, with a kind of ramada on the wallward side, away from the water, with a bed underneath it. A soft bed, sheltered from the rain....

Sidon was keen to my presence by this point, but I’d decided I needed to rest up for a bit before we did this, and he respected that.

It was some time after seven in the evening. I figured a full night’s sleep would do me good—I’d just about had it with that Lynel.

I rested until the morning....

What is Courage?

Waking of Saturday, March 18, 2017 ~ 5

What is Courage?

I had thoroughly explored the Domain, and there were two roads I had not followed to their ends—because their ends trailed away into mountains and wildlands and I had had enough trekking through the dangerous wilderness for the time being.

But now I had to follow the east road out, which would lead me straight onto Ploymus Mountain.

Laflat met me at the edge of the square.

She knew where I was headed, and she told me there was some fool in the Domain, a diving fanatic, who kept pressuring others into going there as well and diving off Shatterback Point by questioning their courage.

“Oh yeah, Gruve, I know that guy,” I didn’t say.

The problem, she said, was that the mountain was too dangerous—Laflat knew there was a Lynel living somewhere on it, and she often tried to discourage people from going there, but she needed help.

She asked me to take a picture of the Lynel and bring it back to her. That way she said she could better describe it in terrible detail to frighten her fellow Zoras away from going there and doing anything stupid.

Well.... I’m not one to condone fear-mongering.... though I don’t suppose I can blame her. The application of Fear is, time-tested, the easiest and most effective way to control other people, after all.

But she didn’t seem like one to abuse it; this particular fear sounded like it might perhaps be a healthy one. I agreed to help her.

I had been delighted to see Mikau and Lulu Lakes on my map. But as I approached them now and prepared to ascend their many-layered falls under the brooding downpour, they brought me no joy. Just a handful of herbs and a few good frogs I could cook up later.

I had heard of Lynels before. I’d even seen a picture once or twice. I know what your centaurs are now, Joseph.

How big would it be?

Was it fierce?

Did it really carry a sword and shield?

Would I have to wait for it to shoot every single arrow I had to collect? Pick them from the ground?

I gazed up the darkened curtains of water. The sky had been gloomed over so grey, the same color, day and night, for so long. You couldn’t even tell what time it was without looking at a clock.

How soon would I find the Lynel?

Or would it find me first?

“‘Not the absence of fear’,” I reminded myself in a murmur, and speared up the first waterfall.

DEEPLY MOVED

Waking of Saturday, March 18, 2017 ~ 4

DEEPLY MOVED

When I traveled back to Zora’s Domain, I exited the shrine’s grotto, and came upon Gruve looking over a waterfall that spilled into the lowest lake at the base of the Domain.

He was impressed with my new Zora Armor, and told me to show him what I could do with it: dive down—with my most beautiful diving form!—and then swim back up the waterfall.

I peered over the edge. I’d combed the bottom of the Domain and scooped up plenty of fallen treasures down there, and I knew there were also plenty of rocks.

But I took a leap of faith, arced right over and speared into the water like an arrow.

Gruve was moved to tears by my graceful execution, and called me to swim back up the waterfall.

Well, King Dorephan had said I’d be able to do that with the Zora Armor.... now was as good a time as any to try it. I swam to where the roaring column of water pounded into the lake below in a swirling, churning froth.... and pressed A.

I shot up the inside of the funnel like a salmon!—leaping out at whiles like a dolphin!—until I shot out the top of the fall, high into the air, high above Gruve, and at the very height of my freefall clung onto my glider to hover slowly back down to the platform.

Gruve just could not get over the stunning display of my hydrodynamic form.

He gave me some seeds I can cook with that will make me run—and swim—faster.

Zora's Domain

Waking of Friday, March 17, 2017 ~ 2

Zora’s Domain

I took my time meeting all the Zoras I could. I even found Gruve! So he’d made it down off that tower after all—dived off into the river, he told me. Said he was so deeply moved seeing his reflection in the water as he came down. Said a Zora’s diving form is his most beautiful form, the very pinnacle of grace and beauty. Diving is his favorite thing, you know, and he loves looking for diving spots. But his current favorite is Shatterback Point, at the top of Ploymus Mountain overlooking the Eastern Reservoir. I couldn’t help have seen that one on my map, with a name like that.

But, as Rivan had suggested, in meeting the people I tried to stay away from the elderly—they really didn’t like me around here.

But there was one wizened old dust-red Zora I found gazing into a pool beneath some waterfalls. Kapson was his name, and he told me he tried to condemn the action rather than the person, that he wanted to try to forgive, and that was comforting. He didn’t scowl or sneer or hiss at me like most of the other elders did. “Mortality lays claim to all,” he said, or something like it. I gazed with him a while into the pool, too.

And there was one little girl from the Prince Sidon fanclub, what was her name.... Laruta or Laruto? One of those. She kept singing a song about a scale of light cleaving or separating a veiled fall.... And I’d heard of a Lightscale Trident, and on my map I saw the Veiled Falls....

Things I wanted to keep in mind....

Something else interesting I noted.... Rivan and the elders didn’t seem to be the only ones who recognized me. The innkeeper, a pinkish lady Zora, addressed me excitedly as Linny.

“Linny! It is you, isn’t it!?”

Oh how I grinned at the response which simply read, “Precisely.”

But that wasn’t who I was in this game.

And one of the guards before the throne room, Bazz—though he seemed a little abashed to ask me outright to verify my identity, simply hinted to me that any member of the Big Bad Bazz Brigade would know their secret catchphrase or passcode or whatever it was.... “Fluffy white clouds, Clear blue....”

“Zora?” I supplied.

That was it. Somehow I’d known.

I think.... he said I used to train him. At the sword.

I must have come here often in my previous life.

I wish I could remember....

Whenever I tried to ask people about Mipha, they told me a little bit—she was the Zora Champion, she was Sidon’s elder sister, she had fallen to Calamity Ganon....

“But,” they kept telling me, “you really should hear this from King Dorephan.”

Dorephan. I recognized that name. That was the name of the Zora King who had defeated the Guardian. The account had said he still had a scar upon his head from the battle—a mark of his bravery.

How long do Zoras live?

I also caught a little of what the Zoras—or Prince Sidon anyway—possibly wanted me for. I’d heard that some of the Zoras had tried to quiet Vah Ruta’s ceaseless water-raging by using Shock Arrows. Bazz’s father, the former Demon Sergeant Seggin, was in fact hunched at the top of a staircase poking at a Shock Arrow repeatedly in an attempt to up his tolerance against them—the Zora are weak against electricity you see. They have trouble even touching them. And I recalled that Goron I’d met in the general store saying he was there because Prince Sidon has recruited him to help deal with Vah Ruta “because I can touch Shock Arrows!” He clenched his massive fist and grinned. But Prince Sidon had told him he’d ‘never be able to carry you on my back’....

What did it all mean....?

I wondered....

I really wondered.

Zoras, Zoras Everywhere

Waking of Saturday, March 11, 2017 ~ 3

Zoras, Zoras Everywhere

As I crossed the bridge, a female voice called out.

I looked around.

Another Zora, deep red as a plum, poked her head out of the water to my left! She seemed astounded to lay eyes on me. A real Hylian!

Her name was Tona and she said the same thing Ledo had said—Prince Sidon was away at the bridge up the river, and would I please go and help him.

Well, that’s where I was headed. So off I went.

The tower was heavily guarded. I managed to evade most of the resident monsters, but there was one moblin that gave me a bit of trouble as I climbed—he sent me rolling dangerously near a cliff’s edge before I was able to take him down. And the rain certainly didn’t make things easy; all the rocks were too slick to hold on to.

I climbed a tall ladder to a look-out platform and paraglided over a Lizalfos I could see lying in wait, camouflaged to look like the stone. Chameleons....

And the tower was open, and free, and I scaled its sides and rested on its platforms until I finally came out onto the uppermost floor!

Someone shouted in surprise at my appearance.

I looked around.

There was another Zora up here.

“What are you doing up here?” he asked me.

“I could ask you the same!” I said.

His name was Gruve, and he, like his fellows, had been sent out by Prince Sidon to locate a strong Hylian. But, along the way, he had fallen asleep.... only to be woken by a tremendous lot of rumbling and movement, and.... here he was.

Oh no, I realized, he must have been sleeping right on the spot where the tower was buried before it burst out of the ground.

Since then Gruve had been trying to call down to the prince on the bridge far below—for he was too frightened of climbing down or taking an ultra high dive directly into the river—but it seemed Prince Sidon was unable to hear him or help him from his predicament.

“I FOUND A HYLIAN!” Gruve still tried valiantly, which I’m sorry to say made me have to suppress a little grin. Poor guy.

Well, no worries, I was that close it seemed. After uploading the local map (and noting that Lulu and Mikau Lakes were next to each other <3) I HALO-jumped to a very near shrine down off the hill and across the water—where there was another Zora waiting! Her skin was deepest crystal-blue and her voice very even and mature. Torfeau was her name.

I noticed that this one was wearing a bit of armor.

I was getting close it seemed.

Go to the bridge and meet with the Prince, she said, yes, yes, like everyone else, I knew. I looked through my scope toward the bridge and could see, up on one of the spires, yet another Zora waiting, bloodruddy in color, with a thick, muscly build and a many-crested head. He was also wearing a little bit of armor, more intricate and intimidating than Torfeau’s, and was keeping a thorough eye on his surroundings. Maybe a guard there to protect Prince Sidon as he waited for his Strong Hylian.

I was very close now; I would get there soon enough.

But I wanted to take care of this shrine, first....