Another Hat!

Waking of Saturday, August 4, 2018 ~ 2

Another Hat!

I sand-sealed back to Gerudo Town and found Barta again. As we visited in the barracks, she confided to me that when I’d shown up out there in the desert, she thought the voe of her dreams had appeared.

....Heh.

I also spoke to Liana, and she was so happy I’d found Barta, she said, “Here, take this,” and handed me a hundred rupees, “Go buy yourself something nice at the market.”

Aww, thanks, Liana. ^_^

I said hi to Captain Teake on my way into the palace, where I saw that young Chief Riju had a certain red exclamation mark above her head.... Had I really already....?

I spoke to her.

“You’ve brought back the smiles to my people,” she said, “I know that you more than anyone else will be able to use this helm to its full potential.”

Or some.... such.... words.... Ah, that wonderful little ITEM GET song played, and I found myself in brand new possession of the Thunder Helm.

I was now LIGHTNING PROOF.

SWEET.

Would it make the same bubble-effect in a large radius around me? Would it glow?

I almost tried it on right then and there, but I remembered myself, and where I was.... I would have to leave town first.

I took my leave of the palace and jogged outside to put it on and have a look at myself!

....

There was no glowing or magical effect. Which wasn’t completely unexpected. I was sure it would still protect me well enough....

It did make me look just as buggy-eyed as it had done the Chief, but it was otherwise very shiny and ornate!

Cool. ^_^

Agh but I did not want to stop—I warped to Dueling Peaks to check with Hino just one more time.

But Hino wasn’t there.

I blinked and turned to gather Swift Violets from around the waterfall behind the shrine for a bit.... and after I had plucked as many as I could, then Hino made an appearance.

But there was no Blood Moon tonight.

Hhhhh.

It was in the three o’clock hour in the afternoon. A bit later for myself on the couch.

....

I just went to bed, and slept until morning.

Good night.

The Other Side of Limbo

Waking of Friday, August 3, 2018 ~ 5

The Other Side of Limbo

The sand storm raged until—

That chime.

And my feet trod for nothing.

You can’t go any farther.

I had reached the western edge of my map.

So I turned south.

The storm continued to rage all around me, blotting out sun and moon, the wind howling, the grit flying horizontal across my path. On and on and on I jogged through the murk, shouldering off to the right every once in a while just to make sure I was still on the border, still on the edge.

My Sheikah Slate had lost functionality again; it was impossible to tell how far I had gone or how far there was left to go. All I had to guide me was that bumping chime to my right side—not that it was too difficult to move in roughly a straight line.

It seemed to go on forever.... just wind and Stalmoblins and dust and more wind and a few lonely animals and more Stalizalfos and—“NOT THE KEESE, NOT THE KEESE!”

I ran whenever I saw them.

Well.... I ran whenever I saw anything. Or nothing.

I just ran.

Was it day or night? I couldn’t tell.

There was a shape to my left. Roundish, humping obtrusive out of the fuzzy horizon. What was this....?

I slowed, and edged closer....

It was a skull-den. And there was at least one tower flanking it, with a Bokoblin on top, keeping a weather eye on—its invisible surroundings.

And I think it’s only now that I’m reminded of the morning of Thursday, January 9, 2003. But that is another story.

I traced the Bokoblin’s obscured movements through the sand, and stayed just deep enough away in the storm that he did not see me as I circled round to the back of their camp.

They never guard the backs.

I shinnied up the rear of the skull, and crouched low before sniping the two lookouts. The wind and the desert devoured their remains and there was no reclaiming them. Tsch!

Thereafter I stood to drop bombs through one of the eye-holes. The wind made this tricky, but with a little trial and error I found a good position, and watched as the life-meters below me reacted, converged, and were blown in all directions, over and over again.... I played this game until they were all dead, and thankfully, the bits leftover were less blustered and more contained inside the den.

I didn’t have room for the actual treasure inside the chest, though.

Oh well.

I harvested what I could from the Limbo Den, and made my way back from nothing to nothing; I hit the border, and started skirting southward again.

The air was a shifting array of dull colors all mashing together, darker beneath, lighter above. Somewhat.

Thank goodness for these Sand Boots at least....

I jogged.... and jogged.... and jogged....

And there was another shape to my left.

This one was.... geologically improbable. A great dark bow loomed from some large mass on the right, and arced unsupported through the air to the left, pointing north.

That had to be—BUT FIRST—

I hurried. Further southward. More creatures, more critters, Lizalfos burrowing through the sand.... I bumped to the right again—the border was still there—and then came the same abrupt chime—and I was brought to a halt.

I had come to the farthest point.

I had reached the corner.

So had the Lizalfos.

I cut them down, and the leftover bits rolled away unreachable in the gale. I might have been able to grab a talon or something....

The big shape with the bowhead still loomed darker than the surrounding grit. I could have approached it from this new angle, but.... instead I followed the western edge of the world back north, until I was even with the bow again. And I stepped eastward out of the storm....

As the air cleared, the great skull came into view. The bow-shape resolved into the enormous upper jaw, the entirety of it from cranium to nose-tip longer and thinner and more streamlined than that of the other Leviathan had been, the one on the volcano. That one had been broader, heavier-looking, more armored, like some giant horny toad.

But this one looked a proper whale. And the entire skeleton was smooth and bleached, whereas the other had been so weathered and darkened that in places it looked more like stone.

And there was another difference—round about where the scapulae might be, the long bones of some right-side limb jutted up from the spine at a high angle—sticking right up into the sky!

What in the—?

Was this . . . .

Was this a WINDFISH?

The mouth was open, the lower jaw buried deep into the sand. And—there was something—

There was a Gerudo! Kneeling directly before the open mouth as if in prayer to a deity.... she was so tiny before it....

Who....?

I approached her.

It was Barta.

“Barta!” The one who had been imprisoned before!

“Ugh,” she groaned, “Are you... a fairy? An angel? Are you here to guide my passage?”

She wasn’t kneeling out of awe or respect; she was clinging onto her spear for dear life, resting in the shade of the bowheaded jaw. “...Everything’s going hazy... This might be the end...”

“Snap out of it!” I said.

But she only moaned, “Ahh... If only I could’ve eaten a hearty durian one last time... A hearty durian... A hearty durian...”

I spoke to her again.

“Ahh, spirits of the Goddess... Before you take me from this world, if I could just taste fruit... Just one last bite of a hearty durian...”

And here I was given two choices of response, and I laughed at the cruel polarity: “Take this!” or “Good-bye.”

“Take this!” I said, and the screen blacked out and back in.

Barta stood on her feet now. “Hah... I’ve returned from the brink of death thanks to you...” she gasped, “Sarqso!”

Then she saw me more clearly—“Huh? Is that you I spoke to before? So you are actually a voe... I thought you were a bit muscular for a Hylian vai.”

XD

“But don’t worry, your secret is safe with me. I owe you my life, after all!”

Ah, so many Gerudo ladies who’d found me out already. Felt kinda nice to be real.

“Hah... Anyway,” Barta continued, “I’m totally exhausted. Maybe I’ll rest just a little longer then head home.”

I was given only one response to say: “Your boss was MAD.” It was not untrue. Liana and her other subordinates.... had been quite agitated the last time I’d seen them in the barracks.

“Huh? So...they knew I snuck off...”

I nodded.

“...Oh, I am in such trouble...” Barta muttered under her breath. “Yep, looks like I’d better go on ahead. See you later and sav’orq!”

And the screen blacked out again, and when it came back, Barta had gone.

Is sav’orq another form of thanks? Or is it perhaps an expression of farewell? Someone else had said it to me when I’d turned down some business or other. But if that’s what it were, then Barta would have been repeating herself. Does it regard rather the time of day?

Hmm.

I hoped she wouldn’t catch it too bad from Liana. Then again, maybe that would have been good for her.

I turned to check out the skeleton—the shrine beneath it and near to the skull was called the Hawa Koth Shrine, and it was the awesomest shrine ever, with much electricity and GIANT GEARS to play with.... It was like the sparky younger cousin of Kaam Ya’Tak....

But that wasn’t what interested me the most.

After I’d locked down the warpable, I turned to the large, thrumming, pulsing cocoon a stone’s cast down-whale....

There was a FAIRY FOUNTAIN BENEATH THIS THING.

....

AND THE GREAT FAIRY TERA WANTED TEN THOUSAND RUPEES?

. . . .

Oh boy....

. . . . . . .

And I was.... just about skint-broke....

. .  .   .    .     .      .

I needed to go make me some cash.

Friendly Neighborhood Hylian

Waking of Saturday, July 28, 2018 ~ 7

Friendly Neighborhood Hylian

I came back down just outside Gerudo Town.

They could all rest easy now that the Hero had subdued the imminent danger stomping around out in the desert.

But they still wouldn’t let a voe come into town.

....Eh. I had wondered.

I changed clothes right in front of them and jogged through the gate.

Actually all the townsfolk kept talking about how Chief Riju had been the one to put the danger down.... which.... I guess I was okay with. She had been right out there with me, surfing behind Patricia. Right under the Divine Beast’s feet. And I had been in disguise after all. Just some lowly common Hylian vai, assisting the Chief....

I had just imagined some moment when I would be recognized and accepted and able to walk around freely in this place.... No exception even for the Hero of Legend....?

Nope.

Still no boys allowed.

Ah well.

Chief Riju was waiting for me in her throne room. She gave an outpouring of gratitude at my appearance—her people were happy again, and relieved. Stress had been reduced all through the town—“Stress”. Lol, women. XD

As thanks for my help in calming Vah Naboris and saving her people, she offered me the Scimitar of the Seven, along with the Daybreaker, the sword and shield wielded by the Champion Urbosa herself. Riju could think of no more appropriate use for them than to be wielded by the Hero of Hyrule against the Calamity that had claimed their original owner.

Unfortunately there was no room for them in my inventory.

There was something else in the room, however, which rather caught my eye....

Mounted handsomely on a pedestal a little to Riju’s right was the Thunder Helm.

When I examined it, and Riju reacted, there was only one unbecomingly brazen option I was given to say: “I want the Thunder Helm.”

Both Riju and Buliara voiced a polite but firm opposition to this—well, maybe not so polite on Buliara’s account. The helm was an heirloom of the Gerudo; it belonged here.

But.... considering all that I had done for them.... and all that I had yet to do, for all of Hyrule....

Riju agreed to lend me the Thunder Helm. If.... I could continue to live up to the title of Hero, and resolve all the town’s ills. The Divine Beast was no longer a threat, but that didn’t make life automatically perfect. If I could solve the whole town’s problems, and bring the smiles back to her people.... then and only then would Chief Riju lend me the Thunder Helm.

Well....

Hero work was what I did best.

I left the palace and heard from the garrison that Barta.... was in trouble again.

But I had seen her! She had escaped from the Yiga Nest since I had last been there, and I had seen her here in the barracks! Getting raked by her superiors....

But now.... her fellow warriors told me she was in Dragon’s Exile. Home of Moldugas. Mmmm but I was more confident against Moldugas.... but.... Well I had gathered she was kind of reckless, but.... what in the world was she doing down there? Part of me could only wonder, and part of me was.... hungrily delighted at an excuse to venture down to investigate the Great Skeleton....

Wandering further around Gerudo Town I drifted into the canteen, but could still find no clues about the password, and so threw the barrel at the ladies again.

What other ills were there around town for me to solve....? I was quite out of ideas, but at length I did find one little vai to rescue: a child named Dalia.

Dalia wanted to plant an orchard in an unused, obscure corner of town. But so much litter kept flowing down the aqueducts into the water trough....

!! D8<

“CalybaaAAANN!” I huffed as I turned to crawl up the wall.

I found her, and I told her what her face-stuffing rind-waste was doing to poor little Dalia’s orchard plans—the kid had been crying....

Upon hearing of the child’s plight, Calyban agreed to quit chucking her rinds down the stream—but she wouldn’t do it for free. She wasn’t that kind of person. She enjoyed her Hydromelons for sure, but what she really wanted to taste were Wildberries. The kind that grew high up on the freezing cold steps of the Gerudo Highlands. If I could bring her some of those—like ten—then she would quit from her little rind-chucking hidey-hole.

Fortunately I just happened to have enough Wildberries in my pockets; I gave her some.

“Oh! Oh they’re so delicious!” Calyban remarked, or something like it. So juicy and flavorful, sweeter than anything she’d ever tasted.

Evidently it put her in a very good mood, for she then decided that, in addition to stopping her littering, she would even go help little Dalia clean up!

Well that was just dandy. ^_^

The screen faded out and back in, and I was alone on top of the wall.

Time to check up on Dalia!

I followed the course of the aqueduct back the way I had come—there were so many paths.... But I found the one path I was looking for, and dropped down into Dalia’s little shaded corner.

I have to admit, it looked much nicer than when I had left it!

And Dalia was smiling again—she was so happy that her ground was now properly prepared. And she was delighted to relate to me that a vai she’d never met had come and helped her clean it up! And given her some Wilberries to boot!

For my help, Dalia gave me a Hydromelon she had gotten from the other vai as well. Aww.... ^_^

And then.... she said I could come get Wildberries from her little orchard whenever I wanted! 8D

And I did, later, when her bushes were planted and growing—three bushes of two berries each. I plucked the bush on the right clean, but.... I left the rest for Dalia.

It was her orchard, after all.

The Value of Not Being Seen

Waking of Wednesday, June 20, 2018 ~ 2

The Value of Not Being Seen

Clicking “Continue” from the Game Over screen respawned me back in the Hall of Heroines. I trekked back up the dark, narrow passageway to Barta’s cell....

There was still nothing I could do to help her. I did not rescue Barta.

But I did make it past the infamous pillar and on into the lower part of the passageway, where the next Yiga guard stood sentinel before the only doorway out.

He did not move.

When the circuitous patrolman’s back had been turned, I had paraglided down off the pillar, and landed behind a long pile of storage boxes in this lower part; there were a couple of them down here. But while they shielded me from the second guard’s gaze.... they did nothing to help me progress.

That guard wasn’t moving. He was just standing there so attentively.... How was I supposed to get past him?

It was a cruel joke that I could see a treasure chest across the way on the far side of the room. Yeah, right! This was too much. What could I—

....Bananas, Barta had said.

Hmph. There were bananas here and there throughout this terrible dungeon, but.... what could I do with those?

I looked to where the nearest bunch of them sat, on a shelf high off the floor, on the wall directly opposite the guard.

The single supporting strut beneath the shelf seemed very flimsily put together; it was almost as if it were made of two simple sticks, banded together to increase its length. The white wrapping in the middle of this shoddy construction looked as if.... it were secured by something extra.... like those little metal clasps used to tie off athletic bandaging....

Why it almost looked.... like an X.... Like a tiny.... little.... TARGET.

Well, that chamber back before had offered me a bow....

I shot the strut out from under the shelf. It collapsed, predictably enough, spilling the bananas to the floor.

And the Yiga—he gave the same human-sounding start I had heard the other give before, so low and mundane that it caught me off guard—and then he started tiptoeing his way toward the bananas on the floor—like as if he were afraid someone was gonna see him??—at each step emitting some stupid, careful little “houhp” that nearly threatened to make him sympathetic! Like as if he were being so SNEAKY or something???

He was distracted anyway. I ran for it.

I did not attempt to make the far treasure chest.

I just ran for it until I was safe around a corner.

There were strange rooms further in—some dead-ended stone corridor full of spikes—couldn’t go that way—and more furnished chambers full of Eastern architecture—er, Sheikah architecture—no, the Yiga version of it. Oh it was all rather similar anyway.

I once heard.... probably a cousin or something.... say the Japanese were rather fond of inserting themselves into their video games. I’ve seen it a few times, or what has looked like it.

....I enjoy it.

From there on in I reverted very tightly to my first and wonted way of letting Caution dictate all else. Big Yiga guards patrolled thickly about the constricted spaces. Everything was waiting, watching, crouching, hiding, hesitating, and timing. All my movements were supremely delicate and slow. Silent and threading half-calculatedly, half-madly through the holes left between their patrols. My arrows whizzed below shelves, knocking out supports and throwing out bait-bananas and luring in the great lumbering guardsmen who, for all the acrobatics and rapier-quick mystique suggested by their cohorts whom I had met in the field.... moved like land-bound seals and circus clowns. Always “hup-hup-hup”ing along until they reached the bananas I cast in their way, whereupon they would look around carefully, quickly pocket the fruit, and then sneak back to their original positions. Poor blackguards....

In a catwalk corridor above the largest chamber I was forcibly reminded of Donkey Kong when I caught sight of that pile of bananas at the far end. Sweet Hylia, that was a lotta bananas. Where did these guys get them all, anyway? Not in this desert....

And as I gazed down at the large chamber from all angles, thinking hard on how to proceed.... one of those ridiculous giant barrels—the kind you can hoist up over yourself and hide beneath—had the GALL to fall under my attention, sitting there so still and helpful and quiet and upright and perfect, offering itself as if I were insane enough to actually try to USE it! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. THE NERVE!

No, I was quite content, content as any mouse in a fox-den could be, up here on my completely separate level....

A handful of breathless skywalks on rickety rafters later, just for the sake of some treasure chests that ultimately would not affect the fate of the universe—I was able to displace the guard who protected the last room.

And down I floated—and away I dashed and hid, until his back was turned again.

The final chamber seemed a little more closed off and private than the others. There was a bed, and another loose Duplex Bow. And it somehow felt quieter in here....

There were more treasure chests too, stuck in the ground. I was a little afraid to Magnese them out, for the noise they would make, but I unearthed them all right with no problems. I don’t even remember what they contained.

Ha, but I think I know now what their purpose must have been....

Using Magnesis for the chests, I could see the Magnesability of one of the walls. And when I had checked and searched every corner and looted everything that wasn’t nailed down.... I swiveled the Magnesable wall on its central hinge, and proceeded through one of the two openings....

Bane of Grace

Waking of Wednesday, June 20, 2018

Bane of Grace

DRATBLAST IT I’M GONNA PLAY IT DAVID GET OUT HERE.

He did.

I played.

For an uncounted time I bid farewell to Piaffe the stablehand in Gerudo Canyon, and from there warped to the Sho Dantu Shrine in Satan Canyon—er, Karusa Valley. There had been no Blood Moon; the Yiga did not reappear. Even so, I moved cautiously....

The door to their lair was open.

I stepped inside.

I do not know what I was expecting—When I had stopped outside the open door before, I had seen the yellow-beige of some back walls, the flicker of torchlight, a kind of box or platform.... cover to hide behind?

But no, it was more than just a box—more like a pedestal, or an altar. There were stairs hewn into it, and a Duplex Bow rested on top.

Hm.

Encompassing braziers flickered like the entrance to the Shadow Temple. This room seemed too grand for the likes of a tribe of betrayers and assassins.... I daresay it was taller than it was wide. It was perfectly circular, and at symmetrical intervals around its edge there were towering statues of the Seven Heroines—No, were there eight? It was all octagonally symmetrical....

Their faces were covered with the grotesque inversion of the Sheikah Eye.

I nocked an arrow, passed the tip through a lit brazier, and tried to burn down their face-coverings, but they wouldn’t come down.

The Yiga didn’t make this place. It must have been something else, once.

So I guessed the grandeur had simply been hijacked.

DANG I wished I could read Gerudo! There was carved script everywhere....

Between the Heroines, on every side except where I had come in, were seven short staircases leading up to the walls—Ah, except for there, on my left; that one led to a small cavity of some kind.

There were a few barrels in it, just storage.

I looted it.

I walked up a few of the other staircases until a flickering glimpse at one wall’s base made me pause: there was a gap along the floor there! If I stood lower down the staircase.... I could see through it. Were those more storage boxes? Treasure chests?

I tried a Bomb before David reminded me of all the braziers in the room. There was a spare torch as well. I grabbed it.

They weren’t walls between the Heroines, they were hangings. I burned them one by one, revealing hollow after hollow, flushing out squeaking keese and breaking into barrels and cracking the occasional treasure chest—until one of them opened onto something greater....

But I finished my round of the room first; I am nothing if not thorough.

The staircase second from the right did not end in a store-hole, but continued upward in a narrow passage before veering off at a right angle, away behind tall stone walls. Maybe it was the lack of torchlight, but the stone there seemed colder, more weathered and cracked, dinged with dust and a chill.

I followed it—carefully. The feeling in the circular Heroines’ Hall had merely been one of staying on my toes, but this passageway.... there was a dread here that wakefully sought for things to devour.

I moved slowly until the tall and narrow passageway leveled and came to an opening. I glanced left and right but could see no enemies—I could see, however, straight across the small, dark space, a rough cell carved into the opposite wall, portcullised with thick wooden beams. And behind those beams, on the floor, sat.... a Gerudo!

I donned my Stealth Suit and crept slowly toward her. “Are you Pokki?” I whispered. But her name was Barta. I’d known there were two Gerudo missing, but I couldn’t remember the other name....

Barta told me to get out of here. She said if I were caught they’d call their friends. I couldn’t take them all. It was dangerous.

I glanced to my left at the tall, broad-shouldred Yiga patrolling a section of hallway in a lower level. Those stairs to my right must have led down and around under the stone floor to where he was....

I stayed low and looked to Barta again.

But she only hissed, “Why haven’t you escaped yet??”

When I pressed her again she only repeated her insistence that I escape, and went on to say that she hadn’t seen the Yiga do anything but patrol around and eat bananas.

....Huh.

There didn’t seem to be anything I could do to help Barta just then.

And there was only one way to go....

I watched for the Yiga guard’s torchlight, and waited for him to come around and make another pass—he seemed to be on a circuit.... clockwise.... Out from the left around the far corner, forward toward me, always sweeping his torch this way and that, inspecting every crack and crevice.... and then left again, around the near corner, and out of sight.

Sometimes it took him longer to reappear.

Hoooo....

After a few times of this, knowing there was nothing for it, when his back was to me again, terrified in my Stealth Suit I stepped off the edge of the cell-level and paraglided down after him and—was that really just a big fat pillar he was lapping around? I hadn’t been able to see the entire thick structure of it from where I had crouched with Barta—

Never mind—I grabbed onto it from the air and, sparing no stamina, hoisted myself twenty feet to its top in a trembling trice where I crouched, undetected.... and could study my new surroundings.

The passageway continued to broaden, and descended further still, in yet a lower level. Another big Yiga stood sentry almost right between the posts of the only door I could see out of that area. Unmoving. Masked face alert.

Great. How was I supposed to get past him?

Hmmm.

I took out a bomb and chucked it over the edge of the pillar.

“Wut.... are you—” David stuttered out.

The bomb didn’t clear the small railing between the two guarded areas, only gently bumped against it and remained in the pillar-section.

The patrolling Yiga guard came around again.

He gave an audible.... offputtingly human-sounding start, when he caught sight of the bomb.... and then slowly, slowly advanced to inspect the glowing blue orb.... the World’s Most Interesting Bomb....

And how interesting, for I had listened to that very soundtrack just that morning—first thing that morning—for the first time in.... well ever. Very nice.

I had not heard the music for years and years and YEARS and years and YEARS but.... I’d just out of the blue been so hungry for that epic, sweeping 12/8 track that made you feel like you were flying....

I never did get very far playing MDK. Ben had borrowed it from a friend. I didn’t get to watch him play much of it either, though I think I saw him battle the endboss, high in that office tower.... those binoculars....

I just remember playing the credits video over and over again, just to listen to that sweet 12/8 midi orchestra.... so powerful, so beautiful.... wandering in so many striking modulations what the heck was that some kind of old-timey autopsy—??

Of course, I did get to see Ben employ the World’s Most Interesting Bomb. And we all agreed: that was the awesomest, most hilarious, coolest weapon ever.

BEST.                                    

WEAPON.

                                    EVER.

EVER.

Perched on my pillar in the Yiga Nest, I was beginning to feel more confident as the big guard stopped and leaned down close beside my bomb....

I blew it up in his face.

That put him on his back sure enough, but he hopped up straight away and—whistled.

I tried to duck down low and keep out of sight, but—that glow.

That orange glow as the air swirls before they poof in out of nowhere right beside you—maybe the other guard had seen me, too—

Red-clad fiends started appearing from everywhere—on my level on the pillartop no less. There were too many of them, I got a few hits in, I took a few hits, kept swinging, saw my hearts drop but I was all right, I could stand—

And—

....

They.... they killed me?

The screen began to darken.

But my hearts!

The music began to droop.

And.... I had so many fairies in my pockets! And—

The text showed on the screen, large and red:

GAME OVER

And—

But—

. . . . . . . —

Where was Lady Mipha?

Two options were presented to me: Continue.... or Quit.

It must have been like the Gerudo’s Hideout in Ocarina of Time, I thought.

Everything was too present. I clicked Continue.

One too many hits and you’re automatically down, no matter how many hearts you have....

I should’ve quit. I should have. But I didn’t.

I didn’t know....