Campout with Kass

Evening of Sunday, August 12, 2018

Campout with Kass

The storm blew off shingles and knocked the tops off our bottle trees. I hoped Meesh was all right.... She hates stormy weather....

But I would see her safe and sound the next morning.

But tonight.... DANG IT I WAS GONNA GET THAT SHRINE ON WASHA’S BLUFF.

I PARAGLIDED from Satori Mountain down to Kass’s place. I was getting better at covering more distance! I no longer feared missing the treeshroom’s platform—I could land well beyond its lip.

Once there, I camped.

....

And camped.

. . . . . . .

And CAMPED.

I lit fires. I spent flint. And when it rained I lit a fire beneath Kass’s wooden roof. Thing was fireproof, thank goodness. And I dropped something like four separate woodpiles before I found I could just relight spent campfires with a new piece of flint. And when my flint started running low, I switched to Fire Arrows....

And still Kass played his accordion.

For days he played his accordion.

I skipped around the platform to the endless waltz.

I was going koo-koo for cocoa puffs.

DANG IT WHERE WAS THE BLOOD MOON?

I could speak with Kass to quiet him, and then stand beside him after our conversation was over. He would look at me. And I would look at him. Or at Satori Mountain. Or at the sky. Or at the strange lands beyond Tabantha Bridge. But I couldn’t move away and leave him alone or he’d start playing the song again. It got.... kind of.... maddening....

I wondered who would win between he and Guru-Guru the organ-grinder.

Hmmmm....

Kass: V --- | i --- | VII --- | III --- | N6(???) - V7 - | i --- | i64 - V - | i ---

Guru-Guru: i --- | i --- | VI - III - | VI - V - | i --- | i --- | VI - V - | i ---

....Hhhhuh.

Is that even a Neapolitan sixth? Dang I don’t remember my music theory....

Well I guess Kass gets points for more sophisticated modulations.... but I think Guru-Guru’s strong half-cadence definitely makes for a more pleasing and attractive structure.

These are the things you think about when you campout with Kass for days.

The moons came in cycles of eight phases: waxing crescent, half, waxing gibous, full, waning gibous, half, waning crescent, new. I would light my fires eight at a time in rapid succession and sit through the days on Kass’ treeshroom before stopping to stretch my legs and watch for the rising of the moon.... And if the full moon were normal and white, I would warp through eight more night-fires to try it again....

Link doesn’t fall asleep when he is crouching. But I think he shakes a bug or something from his hand....

I had a sneaking suspicion that Blood Moons only manifested on full moons, and so between the fulls of one cycle I took a brief break to try for the Prison Korok again. But the statues’ bowls were just empty. And they wouldn’t take apples then, either. Ugh....

But at least I was free of the accordion for a spell.

I wandered nearer to the castle.

It had a music.... a Piano. I didn’t really get to hear much of what it did; there were other things going on the house. But it just felt.... malcontent.

I don’t know why, but I dared not pass the boundary set by the five Great Stones. Glowing pulsing pink in their sealing Sheikah designs. It felt.... like it would be wrong. Or like it bore the same taint that kept me from ever interacting with that SATAN statue again....

I was very near to one of them.

....

I didn’t want to touch it.

I inspected long-abandoned guard towers along crumbling parapets. Some of them had treasure chests inside. One of them was haunted by a Korok.

Skipping past a Guardian Flyer I scuttled up onto a large rock and stood in the bright, placid day.

I calmly observed the Guardian Stalker in the inner town. It was too far away to react to my presence. Just barely, I think.

A big, bubbly pool of Malice oozed and gurgled below the ledge where I stood. It was piled thick in all directions. I regarded the Guardian again....

If I fell in I would be.... in horrible trouble.

Off to my right was a pool of clear water. There were ducks. And fish. Even here.

I was tempted. To go into the castle. For long, dreadful moments I was tempted. But....

No.

No.

I returned to Satori Mountain and paraglided back to Kass’s home.... and that bloody accordion.

I kept camping.

But I didn’t want to strain my bows or burn through my Fire Arrows to keep lighting campfires.

So I pulled out one of my Meteor Rods.

The fireballs bounced everywhere.

One of them might have accidentally hit my host on the back of the head—I saw his shoulders tighten from behind.

Sorry, buddy.

WHERE THE FRICK WAS THE BLOODY BLOOD MOON??

There had to be a better way to do this—there was a better way to do this—I tried a cycle at Pepp’s, in the Deku Tree’s Navel. I just sat by the fire there, too—it was already made; no flint and tinder off my nose—passing night after night until the full moon night came round again, whereupon I sailed back to Kass’ place and waited for the wheeling of the sky....

But there was no Blood Moon.

ಠ_ಠ

It’s like the game knows.

ಥ∼ಥ

Dastardly....

I went back to the Deku Tree’s Navel and slept until the morning.

Divine Beast Vah Naboris

Waking of Saturday, July 28, 2018 ~ 4

Divine Beast Vah Naboris

I stood on a belly-level deck of the Divine Beast Vah Naboris. The world moved and spun dizzyingly all around me far below as the gigantic legs turned and worked.

The ride was surprisingly smooth.

“Well, well, well,” said Urbosa’s voice.

What did she go on to say....?

Much the same as the other Champions had said, I think, though her tone was definitely her own.

I liked her. She always felt so straightforward and honest. Fierce but peaceable. No nonsense. She let nothing burden her, and focused on what needed to be done.

And the first thing that needed to be done was for me to download that map....

The Inside of Vah Naboris was largely cylindrical—and it came with its own share of Malicious Eyeballs and a few minor Guardian Crawlies.... which I dispatched.

But this Beast....

Vah Naboris seemed to have the most moving parts of any Divine Beast I had yet encountered. The barrel inside of its main body was comprised of three rotating drums, and depending on how I aligned these, the inner struts and ramps and platforms would allow me to access different portals to exterior decks—or the main control unit, mounted in the center drum. So this was where it would all go down....

And then there was the circuitry—each drum had a single, large, front-to-back conductive strip that could be rotated to top, bottom, starboard, or port. And when these were properly aligned, they transferred power to different areas of the Beast, setting further components into motion!

But there was more that was different here....

The music felt backward this time.

In Vah Ruta and Vah Rudania, when I had started out, the music had been open, up for grabs, awaiting possibilities. But here....

The Piano seemed.... malcontent. The underchords floated around, dizzy and obscure, bemoaning awful things I’m sure, but the Piano, just—it would just pound every once in a while.

Like it was angry at me.

Like it didn’t want me to be there.

Like something.... didn’t want me to be there.

And instead of the soft and open music catching on to my presence and growing darker and faster and more threatening over time.... here the music started out in BLATANT threat, and as I located and activated terminals.... a sound stronger and more organized seemed to commandeer the air—

The Champion Urbosa and I were going to take back this Divine Beast. And Ganon knew it. How we strove together in such terrific concert! But terminal after terminal, that HOPEFUL DORIAN GLOWING permeated deeper throughout the soundtrack, wrapping it up, encompassing it, and sounding to the universe and fate that Good was here, and it was able.

Well, able enough.

Though there were some segments of Vah Naboris that still boggled me right out of my head—not the least of which was that danged treasure chest hanging off the tippity-tip of Vah Naboris’ TAIL. By a ROPE.

I would not be able to sever the rope and Magnese the chest in time. I had tried on too many other objects. Magnesis was not fast.

Even the upward-position of Vah Naboris’ caboose didn’t bring the chest in close enough laterally to land on a deck should I sever its rope.

Where the chest was connected seemed to be an enormous hinge. Maybe if I Stasised the chest and then moved the caboose....

No good. The rope snapped and the chest fell into sandy oblivion.

You bet your Sweet Canadian Mullets I reloaded. Forgive me, dear Korok Leaf that I had to put down! For it vanished on the reload.

Maybe if I moved the caboose in the opposite direction, it could catch the chest from beneath when the Stasis let go....

Nope—it just pushed it down and away toward its doom.

Dang it!

What the heck kinda camel has a detachable caboose anyway? I haven’t seen one of those since.... the Opus and Bill cartoon. What was that even....?

I ran back upstairs so many times trying to get that chest—I am sure I walked in places I was never meant to walk.

David thought I was crazy when I would stand at the back of the caboose, manipulate the circuits to make it swing upward, and then step over the farthest edge as it rose to meet me.

It was terrifying when I would misstep coming out of a paraglide, and plummet suddenly toward the sand three hundred feet below. And how Vah Naboris kept walking! But the furthest reaches of its exterior structuring were blessedly free of the wind of its movements. My many jumps surely should not have been possible. But with a wreck of pounding in my chest I always managed to glide back toward a lower deck.... and try again.

In the end the chest solution was easier than I’d thought—like so many things. I grazed the rope’s base with the corona of a Fire Arrow. And as the rope burned, I clutched onto the chest with a vindictive Magnesis!

And all my Foolish persistence was worth it—the chest contained an Ancient Core.

Ah.... Happy Day.

That chest was the last thing I cleaned up. I had already activated all the terminals, Urbosa’s voice guiding me onward in strength and encouragement; she knew I was ready to proceed.... But I just hadn’t wanted to move forward without picking up every last thing....

But now that Vah Naboris had been completely cleaned out—I’d even found a few sweet mushrooms in deep storage up in its back; that was nice—it was time to return to the central drum, and activate the main control unit.

AND THEN SOME

Waking of Saturday, March 18, 2017 ~ 12

AND THEN SOME

I’m sorry to say that David and I kind of giggled irreverently at the placement of the final map marker. Well, we supposed it was near the end of the dungeon after all.

It was one more long, slow walk down the middle of the floor as I approached the terminal at the far end. I watched the time as I went; it was nearing midnight. I stepped in front of the pedestal just on the stroke of twelve, and held out my Sheikah Slate. But just before I made contact, a dark force repelled me, and then coalesced in the center of the room into a hideous, grotesque creature, seemingly composed of the same black-and-purple substance I’d seen all over the Divine Beast. Long, gangling—did it have legs? I only remember its cruel, spidery arms, one of them wielding an enormous blade of blue light. A dark red mane ran down its neck and spine.

This was Waterblight Ganon.

This was the thing that had murdered Lady Mipha.

For a time I shot him with arrows from behind the great pedestal while he cast his magical spear at me repeatedly—it rematerialized in his grasp every time.

Moblin’s Magic Spear, I thought ridiculously.

But my arrows weren’t doing enough damage. “I can’t keep this up,” I said. I’d have to face him directly. The biggest stick I had was a double-edged blade that dealt 38 damage a blow. I equipped it, and ran at him—

But he took offense at the strokes I dealt, and began to flood the chamber. It had been full of ankle-deep water before, but now.... there was nowhere to stand but on four isolated raised platforms.

He started casting huge blocks of ice at me, just as Vah Ruta had done. They were easy enough to dodge.... sort of. At times they knocked me into the water—they hurt me. And it was so slow to swim back and get back on my feet—

“Use Cryonis!” said David.

But would it work?

I aimed my Slate at the next volley of ice blocks—and I could break them.

And I felt like a FOOL for wasting so many arrows outside with the Prince!

Mipha’s voice came dimly into my mind: If only the ice could be used as a weapon.

“Try Stasis!” said David at the same time I thought it—

I shattered all but one of the demon’s next volley, and then stopped the last one in its tracks just before it collided with me. I hammered it four times with my Special 38 before the Stasis broke, and the stored kinetic energy hurtled it back into the beast and wounded him considerably! He sagged into the water, hanging onto one of the pillars for support.

And as he floated dead in the water there I took out my arrows once more and shot the blazes out of him—and this time they had a much greater effect. Flame Arrows I shot at him, all I had, which was about ten, as well as the one Bomb Arrow I had ever seen in my life—the explosion rocked the room.... “Die, die, DIE, DIE, YOU PUTRID—” I shouted at him, reveling in the volume I could attain with no sleepers in the house—

The monster was very weak by the time he regained himself in a last wind—he cast ice at me again, and again I shattered them all but one, and hurled that one back in his face, and that one did it. That one finished him.

Oh the ungodly screams and cries that issued from this.... abomination.... as it writhed and curled and melted and evaporated into oblivion—it was grotesque....

I wished it would die faster.

Even the thing that had killed Lady Mipha.

The Third Tower

Waking of Saturday, MARCH FOURTH, 2017 ~ 17

The Third Tower

Away beyond the hills and dales by the house I had just asked for.... was another Sheikah Tower. I was so tired, the road had been so long and fraught with danger, but.... that tower was so close....

I went for it—and I tried to just avoid any conflicts I could help avoiding. Just to get to the tower, and activate it.

As I was climbing the last great big hill, I saw there was one moblin I could not avoid. And it was talking to some unseen companion—a bokoblin I could barely see beneath the roll of the land.

I still had my hammer. My trusty Iron Sledgehammer. My but those moblins were enormous....

Instead I tried my Phrenic Bow, and a few Fire Arrows.

Three hits took down the moblin, but the bokoblin I had to deal with in person. Easy enough, I just needed to get through....

But when I approached the tower—

Briars?

There were briars all over it! I couldn’t get close at all! I tried smashing them, I tried bombing them—they would not be destroyed!

FINE!

I found the one surface I could ascend and got up onto a platform. So it was to be a vertical maze with my stamina-meter ticking, was it? Well I had a few elixir-tricks up my sleeve....

It was a tight race, but I did reach the top, and when I did, and activated the tower, and it turned blue....

I

just

decompressed

for

a bit.

I was very high up—this tower was situated on a most prominent little spiraling kind of mountain in the midst of a huge span of valleys and canyons. I could see the whole world for miles and miles around me.... I could even see my (soon to be) house!

When I was ready, I set my face back toward Hateno Village and jumped off, paragliding to the brink of my stamina before I touched down again—it was a long, quiet, airy float.

And I found that, having launched from such a height, it brought me practically all the way back.

Well, a slope nearby the village anyway.

How neat. <3