Bane of Grace

Waking of Wednesday, June 20, 2018

Bane of Grace

DRATBLAST IT I’M GONNA PLAY IT DAVID GET OUT HERE.

He did.

I played.

For an uncounted time I bid farewell to Piaffe the stablehand in Gerudo Canyon, and from there warped to the Sho Dantu Shrine in Satan Canyon—er, Karusa Valley. There had been no Blood Moon; the Yiga did not reappear. Even so, I moved cautiously....

The door to their lair was open.

I stepped inside.

I do not know what I was expecting—When I had stopped outside the open door before, I had seen the yellow-beige of some back walls, the flicker of torchlight, a kind of box or platform.... cover to hide behind?

But no, it was more than just a box—more like a pedestal, or an altar. There were stairs hewn into it, and a Duplex Bow rested on top.

Hm.

Encompassing braziers flickered like the entrance to the Shadow Temple. This room seemed too grand for the likes of a tribe of betrayers and assassins.... I daresay it was taller than it was wide. It was perfectly circular, and at symmetrical intervals around its edge there were towering statues of the Seven Heroines—No, were there eight? It was all octagonally symmetrical....

Their faces were covered with the grotesque inversion of the Sheikah Eye.

I nocked an arrow, passed the tip through a lit brazier, and tried to burn down their face-coverings, but they wouldn’t come down.

The Yiga didn’t make this place. It must have been something else, once.

So I guessed the grandeur had simply been hijacked.

DANG I wished I could read Gerudo! There was carved script everywhere....

Between the Heroines, on every side except where I had come in, were seven short staircases leading up to the walls—Ah, except for there, on my left; that one led to a small cavity of some kind.

There were a few barrels in it, just storage.

I looted it.

I walked up a few of the other staircases until a flickering glimpse at one wall’s base made me pause: there was a gap along the floor there! If I stood lower down the staircase.... I could see through it. Were those more storage boxes? Treasure chests?

I tried a Bomb before David reminded me of all the braziers in the room. There was a spare torch as well. I grabbed it.

They weren’t walls between the Heroines, they were hangings. I burned them one by one, revealing hollow after hollow, flushing out squeaking keese and breaking into barrels and cracking the occasional treasure chest—until one of them opened onto something greater....

But I finished my round of the room first; I am nothing if not thorough.

The staircase second from the right did not end in a store-hole, but continued upward in a narrow passage before veering off at a right angle, away behind tall stone walls. Maybe it was the lack of torchlight, but the stone there seemed colder, more weathered and cracked, dinged with dust and a chill.

I followed it—carefully. The feeling in the circular Heroines’ Hall had merely been one of staying on my toes, but this passageway.... there was a dread here that wakefully sought for things to devour.

I moved slowly until the tall and narrow passageway leveled and came to an opening. I glanced left and right but could see no enemies—I could see, however, straight across the small, dark space, a rough cell carved into the opposite wall, portcullised with thick wooden beams. And behind those beams, on the floor, sat.... a Gerudo!

I donned my Stealth Suit and crept slowly toward her. “Are you Pokki?” I whispered. But her name was Barta. I’d known there were two Gerudo missing, but I couldn’t remember the other name....

Barta told me to get out of here. She said if I were caught they’d call their friends. I couldn’t take them all. It was dangerous.

I glanced to my left at the tall, broad-shouldred Yiga patrolling a section of hallway in a lower level. Those stairs to my right must have led down and around under the stone floor to where he was....

I stayed low and looked to Barta again.

But she only hissed, “Why haven’t you escaped yet??”

When I pressed her again she only repeated her insistence that I escape, and went on to say that she hadn’t seen the Yiga do anything but patrol around and eat bananas.

....Huh.

There didn’t seem to be anything I could do to help Barta just then.

And there was only one way to go....

I watched for the Yiga guard’s torchlight, and waited for him to come around and make another pass—he seemed to be on a circuit.... clockwise.... Out from the left around the far corner, forward toward me, always sweeping his torch this way and that, inspecting every crack and crevice.... and then left again, around the near corner, and out of sight.

Sometimes it took him longer to reappear.

Hoooo....

After a few times of this, knowing there was nothing for it, when his back was to me again, terrified in my Stealth Suit I stepped off the edge of the cell-level and paraglided down after him and—was that really just a big fat pillar he was lapping around? I hadn’t been able to see the entire thick structure of it from where I had crouched with Barta—

Never mind—I grabbed onto it from the air and, sparing no stamina, hoisted myself twenty feet to its top in a trembling trice where I crouched, undetected.... and could study my new surroundings.

The passageway continued to broaden, and descended further still, in yet a lower level. Another big Yiga stood sentry almost right between the posts of the only door I could see out of that area. Unmoving. Masked face alert.

Great. How was I supposed to get past him?

Hmmm.

I took out a bomb and chucked it over the edge of the pillar.

“Wut.... are you—” David stuttered out.

The bomb didn’t clear the small railing between the two guarded areas, only gently bumped against it and remained in the pillar-section.

The patrolling Yiga guard came around again.

He gave an audible.... offputtingly human-sounding start, when he caught sight of the bomb.... and then slowly, slowly advanced to inspect the glowing blue orb.... the World’s Most Interesting Bomb....

And how interesting, for I had listened to that very soundtrack just that morning—first thing that morning—for the first time in.... well ever. Very nice.

I had not heard the music for years and years and YEARS and years and YEARS but.... I’d just out of the blue been so hungry for that epic, sweeping 12/8 track that made you feel like you were flying....

I never did get very far playing MDK. Ben had borrowed it from a friend. I didn’t get to watch him play much of it either, though I think I saw him battle the endboss, high in that office tower.... those binoculars....

I just remember playing the credits video over and over again, just to listen to that sweet 12/8 midi orchestra.... so powerful, so beautiful.... wandering in so many striking modulations what the heck was that some kind of old-timey autopsy—??

Of course, I did get to see Ben employ the World’s Most Interesting Bomb. And we all agreed: that was the awesomest, most hilarious, coolest weapon ever.

BEST.                                    

WEAPON.

                                    EVER.

EVER.

Perched on my pillar in the Yiga Nest, I was beginning to feel more confident as the big guard stopped and leaned down close beside my bomb....

I blew it up in his face.

That put him on his back sure enough, but he hopped up straight away and—whistled.

I tried to duck down low and keep out of sight, but—that glow.

That orange glow as the air swirls before they poof in out of nowhere right beside you—maybe the other guard had seen me, too—

Red-clad fiends started appearing from everywhere—on my level on the pillartop no less. There were too many of them, I got a few hits in, I took a few hits, kept swinging, saw my hearts drop but I was all right, I could stand—

And—

....

They.... they killed me?

The screen began to darken.

But my hearts!

The music began to droop.

And.... I had so many fairies in my pockets! And—

The text showed on the screen, large and red:

GAME OVER

And—

But—

. . . . . . . —

Where was Lady Mipha?

Two options were presented to me: Continue.... or Quit.

It must have been like the Gerudo’s Hideout in Ocarina of Time, I thought.

Everything was too present. I clicked Continue.

One too many hits and you’re automatically down, no matter how many hearts you have....

I should’ve quit. I should have. But I didn’t.

I didn’t know....