Ascent

Waking of Saturday, January 27, 2018

Ascent

No—more—DAWDLING; it’s March 27 as I write this, MARCH!

I started at the Kara Kara Bazaar where Kachoo bade me good morning.

From there I barreled into the desert to find that shrine I had seen in the big tangle of cliffs beneath the mountain—the Dako Tah Shrine.

(“Dakota!” said David.)

It was difficult! Another electric path challenge....

After that I followed the foot of the mountain westward, wrapping round the jutting points until I came above the north end of those ruins I had explored before.

And wouldn’t you know it, north of the ruins was.... the Northern Ice House.

The actual house where the ice was kept was not very visible—its exterior consisted of a single trap door in the ground and a following ramp. But above this spot was a most improbable rock formation—looked kind of like a big turtle....

Up against the mountain, a solitary wolf prowled.

I ran down the ramp before it could spot me, and met the lone Gerudo manning the place. I roused her from sleep to learn that her name was Anche (“I’m gonna call you ☥,” I said) and that she really felt it was too early to be bothered just now.

When she finally did wake up, with my head still cracking over possible password clues, I spoke to her, but she had nothing relevant to say, and she never mentioned that Pokki—whose name always made me want Pocky....

Nor did the Ice House hold much of anything else that was interesting. Except for ice.

I left. I followed the mountain’s foot westward further still, dodging from shadow to shadow, until I came to where the rocky pillars stood tall from the sand and Lizalfos lay in wait upon every surface.

Satan Canyon.

I’d thought about coming here again. Perhaps if I traversed its entire length I could trip something I’d missed before....

The afternoon was getting on, but the sun still burned me outside of the shade as I moved further in. I teased David again by refusing to approach certain treasure chests.... Not those ones.... And as I entered the sandy mouth of the gorge its proper name was revealed to me – Karusa Valley.

I jogged on, searching for any kind of entry point clues, but aside from a few Lizalfos for whom I did not mask soon enough and who took unkindly to my concussive salutations, it was simply a long, long trudge through the sand.

It was a while before the sandstone walls closed about me as they had before. I was grateful when the temperature dropped and I could move freely in the light.... and more grateful still when I came within sight of more solid ground at last! And momentarily surprised as, just before I reached it, the air took on a breathtaking, icy chill!

I ran—I’d forgotten how drastically the temperature could swing in the desert.

It was only a few steps, and then I was back into the windcarved sandstone, in the temperate air, with my speed blessedly unhobbled.

And there were indeed a few surprises I had missed before—like falling rocks.

I sheltered behind great rounded shelves of stone, which jutted from the sidewalls like pinball paddles, while the avalanches passed. They seemed quite large here.

Atop one of the shelves I found a stray Korok hiding in—

Those frog statues again.

I continued up the gorge and it wasn’t long before the defaced frog statues lined the paths again and the Yiga Archers came out laughing to sport with me....

I killed them all, but when I came to the door at the end.... it still wouldn’t open.

I guessed.... I had to trigger the events back in town first after all.

But there was more to draw me up here than just the Yiga Nest. I donned my Warm Doublet, Snow Boots and Ruby Circlet, and out above the canyon on the crunching snow I doubled back to the west, climbing further into the mountain.

Higher and higher I climbed, crossing glistening frozen shelves I could never have seen from the steps below. There were even a few sparse and lonely pine trees up here on the otherwise naked highlands.

And rhinoceroses! Great, woolly blue rhinoceroses, being chased around or ridden by Bokoblins. I watched them at it for a while before slipping past them and hurrying up a steep gorge—

The weather turned then. Thick grey clouds descended and the snow fell all around me. Fortunately my Snow Boots still allowed me free movement, and the rest of my clothing kept me warm from the chill. But the landscape and its denizens became steadily harsher: Visibility was limited in the blustering oblivion, gigantic chunks of ice began to appear, obstructing my way forward (and when I drew near to these and looked hard, I could see things frozen inside them.... Bokoblins, Lizalfos....), a new, hardier breed of wolf appeared, snapping its deadly dance about me, and more Bokoblins and an Ice Wizzrobe harrassed me for more attentions than I could spare. And though my clothes protected me from the cold.... their ill-tailored defense against attack had me flirting with disaster at every altercation. My hearts dropped like mercury as I took heavy damage.

But two things pierced through the blizzard to pull me onward: The first was the sounding of the Erhu—Farosh! He was so close now.... Yes, this was where I had first seen him! From the river far below on the other side of the highlands! . . . . And the second was the sudden perking of my Sheikah Slate, chiming Brreep-brreep! between the winds—There was a Shrine nearby....

I pressed on, coming to a cracked and ruptured saddle, wide and flat with broken snow between two peaks lost in the grey. Icy Lizalfos lay everywhere, and watched me as I followed the shrine signal, too frozen even to bother with anyone more than a couple of yards away.

Gigantic snowballs rolled off the muted red steps to the west, gaining mass and slowing down before crunching to a halt on the field. I dodged them, climbed over a fragmented hill of ice—and there lay the Shrine, hard against the lowest western wall in a pit unseeable from anywhere. The Kema Kosassa Shrine.

I hurried into the hidden dell—danger was everywhere—and activated it. And shrinking from the howling of the storm I fled beneath the overhang, and stepped onto the elevator.

The interior was cool, and stark, and monumentally quiet after the weather’s rage.

It was a Major Test of Strength.

ಠ_ಠ

I had never done a Major Test of Strength before. No but wasn’t there something out from Hateno...?

David was with me; I had watched him.

I was ready for this . . . .

The City Again

Waking of Friday, January 19, 2018 ~ 9

The City Again

Dang it, where had my sand seal gone? Hopefully back home....

No matter; I could just warp back to town.... And I did, Molduga guts in tow, before doing myself up like a girl once again and heading for the gate.

Before I got there, however, I bumped into Bozai.

I guessed this was the first time he’d seen me as a girl; he positively fell all over himself making an introduction.

“So yeah, hey, the name’s Bozai. I’m 35, single, and I LOVE jogging. Especially on sand.”

Oh yeah those Sand Boots! He said he might give them to a girl!

At once I started trying to weasel them out of him, and I heard him mumble something to himself about a golden chance to woo.... But he seemed quite attached and he kept playing coy, and in the end he said he’d only give them to me if I could first do him the favor of finding the legendary Eighth Heroine, somewhere in the Gerudo Highlands.

And to help me out he lent me a pair of.... SNOW BOOTS?

Well HANDYSAUCE I guess! ‹8D

I checked my map—I’d heard tell of the Seven Heroines, and I was pretty sure I knew what those had to be. I found that circle of Desert Colossi I had seen, and counted—there were seven.

And if those Colossi were big enough to register on my topo.... my eyes swept over the Gerudo Highlands....

Ah! There it was. :) Way up round the north side where I hadn’t been able to reach before.

But with my new Snow Boots, and my Warm Doublet AND the cold-resistant circlet from that nice lady back in town....! 8D

But.... that was an excursion for another time; I had some business at present.

As the day became stronger I stepped into the city, and immediately got lost in the sprawling tangle. Where was Malena? I went looking here, looking there, looking for Malena—no, the area full of guards was the wrong place—I needed the front of the palace....

And even as I veered to correct my course, I bumped right into her as she walked up the street!

Malena! ^_^

And I gave her the Molduga guts.

And she was in disbelief, she was so grateful—“OH, SARQSO!” she cried! and promptly became all sniffly with emotion. “This will save him...”

She wished she could give me more in thanks, but I graciously accepted her proffered 300 rupees.

“I never asked your name, did I?”

I told her it was Link.

“Sounds like a sturdy voe name to me,” she said.

Ah, hehh.... ^_^;

“May I... possibly... name my vehvi after you? If I ever have one, that is!”

AwwwWWW! There was a Gerudo word for BABIES!  ^___^ <3

“Deepest Sarqso, Link. I’ll never forget about you.”

Dang that felt good.

As I moved further about the city I found yet more areas that I had never encountered. One odd corner of town brought me to an old woman named Muava, sitting alone on a rug, and further along the wall, on the other side of.... what looked like a pile of rubbish.... a Goddess Statue.

I spoke to Muava, and she recognized me for a voe! But she wasn’t going to tell anyone. Actually she liked the idea of chatting with a voe once again.

She said she was quite a trveler, and a beauty, when she was younger. She had looked all over for the Lover’s Pond, but she never found it—I knew where that was—and before she knew it she was old.

Now.... she was just lonely. Lonely and alone, and she appreciated the time I spent talking with her.

Hhhhhhh, makes me want to.... I don’t know. I don’t know any cut-off and detatched elderly people. Though I suppose if they were cut off, how would they inform anyone?

What a cruel joke.

....

I wonder if I’ll end up like that, since I’m not very outgoing.

....

At the very least we could Christmas carol to a nursing home again.

Oh, the way their eyes light up and their smiles come to life....

I prayed at the Goddess Statue, and received another stamina vessel, which made now for two complete wheels.

Back at the clothing shop—Armor Shop?—I attempted to explore a little deeper beyond the front stall—but the attendant told me that door was “for employees only”.

Huh.

So I combed the outside of the building until I found another door. But when I attempted entry here, a voice from within asked me for a password.

! So this was the password door!

I had a wild guess at it anyway. Not unexpectedly, I got it wrong.

The voice chided me and told me to go back to the tavern and order.... milk or something or some such words.

I turned and ran back to the square, passing Jules in the street—we momentarily reveled in our sharing the secret. Hee.

But I hurried on to the tavern—I wanted to learn the password!

As it turned out there was indeed a new option to order milk from the bartender—but when I tried it she told me off just the same!

I got the feeling both the bartender and that voice behind the door each thought the other were playing tricks on her....

The only other things the bartender talked about were one Pokki and some purported Ice House which aided in their business. Of neither of which I found any sign as I looked all over.

I spoke to another patron in the bar, Pritana, but she only said I didn’t look old enough to be in there. “How old are you really?” she asked.

“I’m over 100!” I answered, selecting the answer before I realized the dialogue had given me options.

Pritana laughed and told me what a funny vai I was. “When you’re older,” she said, “let’s have a drink together!”

Fed up and unable to squeeze anything further from the canteen, I threw the barrel at those lounge ladies once again before plunging back into the city.

I think inwardly.... I only wanted to put off my quest for a little longer. I wanted to play, and yet I also wanted to keep from doing the important things in the game.... because I was always behind on my log, and I wanted to catch up on my writing first before playing deeper into the main storyline....

Though I’m sure you can see the lot of good that has done me in my writing. Sometimes it doesn’t matter whether it’s important or inane, main storyline or not. The moment that strikes you has no preferred time or place or shape or color or taste. It manifests when it wants to, and you can only try your best to bottle it with your words.

Like that whole Molduga chapter.... How did two or three sentences of notes become three or four pages of log?

I guess because the moment was familiar.

Maybe I am the spider in the web, perservering motionless for endless hours.

I am Buck in the wilderness.

I’m Pangur Bán hunting mice.

I’m the scholar, hunting words.

Hunting mice is his delight,

Hunting words I sit all night.

Better far than praise of men

‘Tis to sit with book and pen...

Translated from the Irish by Robin Flower (1881 – 1946)

A walk around some very high walls with enormous planters and palm trees in the corners gave me a view of one more sand seal paddock, containing only one animal.

I floated down—this sand seal was different, and had a stronger color.

Padda, the single Gerudo standing by, informed me that this was the chief’s favorite sand seal, Patricia.

I regarded the creature.

She had a tiny red bow at the front of her scruffy mane, but I think.... it only accentuated what great hulking squash-faced beasts they are.

Padda further explained that Patricia was an oracle.

WAT.  ._.

“Offer her fruit, and she will give you words of wisdom,” says Padda.

So I gave her an apple.

She ate it, and then proceeded to bark and grunt and flap her big flippers with a great deal of show.

Padda translated for me: “‘The southern desert is...searing hot during the day! Bring gear made for it!’ I’ve spared you the painful seal pun,” she added.

OH GOSH. |-D

Thanks, Padda.

I think.... I’d had enough.

I got out of town, grabbed a seal, sealed back to the Bazaar, headed to the inn....

And went to bed.

Good night.

That Patience Which Holds Motionless for Endless Hours the Spider in its Web

Waking of Friday, January 19, 2018 ~ 8

That Patience Which Holds Motionless for Endless Hours the Spider in its Web

In the dark of the night I sailed out west behind my rented sand seal, skirting giant bones and Lizalfos habitations.

My trajectory was vague at best and I had no idea what I was looking for—what did Moldugas look like?

Were they gigantic and woolly? Did they walk on their knuckles? Did they have tusks? Would I know one when I saw it?

As it turned out I did—I knew it before I saw it.

The music gave it away.

Like the Talus and its pounding percussion, the Hinox and its fatshnazzy brass band—the Molduga’s name and life-meter appeared at the top of the screen, accompanied by an insistent, repetitive, Phrygian ambush of cellos, arpeggiating sans the third beneath a dancing tambourine pacesetter as if it had been a race!

I banked hard in a panic—the arc was too wide and slow—and charged back the way I had come—!

And the music did not follow me.

I try to be a good steward; I did not want to bring the sand seal to any harm, especially as it was not my own.

But I think it would be a lie to say I was not also fleeing to save my own skin.

Once I was sure I had put a sufficient distance between myself and the monster, I stopped, and had a look back.

The Molduga was somewhere in among those stones, I was sure of it: Great, gargantuan juts of sandstone pushing up out of the earth like enormous toadstools. —And there was movement.

I scoped in.

As the day began to dawn I could see: Something large was.... swimming beneath the surface of the sand, casting up a wake. Burrowing. I could see the hump of earth rolling along, indicating where it was.... but what did the thing itself actually look—

It breached the surface. Whale. Crocodile. Jaws. Teeth. Spoonbill. Little arms waggling. Manatee tail. Thrash. Twist. Snap. Huge—HUGE—

And it was down burrowing again.

Oh my Hylia that thing was—how could I—so big—could it sense me even here?

I watched it. A long, long time I watched it; and it did not stray beyond the confines of its great stone toadstool ring, but only cycled around within it.

It must have been moving so fast and yet.... every circuit took.... what seemed like several minutes. With a few breaches along the way.

So big.

Was the Compendium lying, when it said the Hinox was the largest monster to call Hyrule home?

Or was this not a part of Hyrule after all?

I eased my sand seal toward it again, timing our pace to arrive at one of the gigantic rounded rocks just as the monster was on the far side of its circuit from us.

The cellos were nowhere to be heard.

I left the sand seal near the stone, on the outside of the ring. Removed enough to be out of harm’s way, but close enough to be called at short notice.

I meanwhile climbed up on top of the squat rock formation, and watched.... and waited.

I dared not move a muscle as the Molduga came pummeling back round the circle, clockwise, coming in hard from the right.

It would pass near me soon; I would have an opportunity to strike. And given the enormity of the circuit, I could see just how sparse and precious that opportunity would be. No time for test shots here—it would be imprudent to attempt anything less than maximum damage.

I selected the strongest Lynel Bow I had, nocked a Bomb Arrow, and prepared to demand the attention of a carnivore one hundred times my size....

And with perfect timing the Molduga flew up out of the sand before my eyes, blue-grey-green and enormous, huge jaws snapping, tiny limbs flapping pointless, and I took my best guess at distance, at arcing, at my quarry’s momentum, and let fly—

I wonder how much was skill at this point, and how much was luck.

At least in part, the tripled Bomb Arrow connected! and the huge whale of a creature slammed onto the surface of the sand and lay there heaving in its blubbery vastness.

My gosh I couldn’t believe it! A direct hit on the first go! Great shot! ^_^ And I looked at its life-meter.... It had gone down a bit! Maybe not an overly substantial amount, but—

What was I doing it was immobile I could hit it again—

In the folly of my hesitation I got off only another shot or two before the Mulduga regained itself and burrowed back into the sand, safe and untouchable once more.

And off it went around the circuit.

And the music went with it.

The day became lighter and I was alone. On a few of the other sandstone towers to my right and left and into the distance, little camps of monsters could be seen. On the central hub, a large, wide stone like my own but on a greater scale, seemed to be the biggest party of them all, with a fire, a few storage crates, and no small supply of boomers. On the sands in between, camouflaged Lizalfos crouched still as statues.

The Molduga breached away in its course.

The timing was off—it did not breach in the same places on every revolution. It wouldn’t breach directly in front of me again for . . . . I didn’t know how many cycles.

Landing those hits really had been fortuitous.

But how long was this going to take?

I waited for it to pass by me again, and the arcing sun grew stronger.... I watched my thermometer tip further and further toward the red until it was too hot for me to stay where I was. My clothes could not protect me. I didn’t want to guzzle elixirs, not that I had that many. What could I—

Hm.

The Molduga was far away. I stepped forward and dropped onto the sand on the inside of the ring, landing in the shade.

There was something about letting myself down into the territory, the element, of my enemy that felt.... unnerving at best.

But at least I was protected here.

Well . . . . protected from the sun.

I didn’t like that Lizalfos half a stone’s cast away from me, though. I took the time to dispatch it before returning to the little strip of shade beneath the brim of the toadstool rock, where once again.... I waited.

And waited.

The Molduga slowly arced back around, breaching, as I had anticipated, well out of range of my arrows. How many circuits would it have to make before it would breach where I could reach it again?

I considered. I could try for the central stone hub....

But there were so many baddies there; it could take a moment too long to do away with them all—the Molduga might very well detect the ruckus, and then what? Or would it just as soon detect me making a break for that spot in the first place? To say nothing of what to do with all the Lizalfos in between....

The Molduga’s senses were sharp; I had stepped and jumped around in investigating this, when I was still on top of the rock, and my movements had caught its attention over impressive distances. And every time, I had stopped and ducked before the question mark could develop into anything further, stilling in time to let the monster be on its way. But I dared not shift my footing again down on the sand.

The day passed.

My sliver of shade narrowed. But the cool of the evening returned before it disappeared completely.

I had long since plucked what scanty plants there were in the vicinity. A Rushroom. Some Safflina.

The monster arced around.

Some breaches were nearer, some I could hit, away at the edge of my range, where as many arrows missed as hit their mark. Maybe more. Couldn’t risk a direct hit with something uselessly weak.

And the Molduga’s life-meter would drop by a small degree.

Chip by chip, piece by piece.

By and by the thought came to me, as I employed my projectile weaponry.... The Molduga responds to the faintest vibrations.... I can’t move when it’s near.... But perhaps.... my BOW.

The Molduga came round again. Its breaches would be far out of reach I could see.

But before it came even with me, I nocked a normal arrow into a weak, wooden Bokoblin bow, and fired off into the sand before its path.

The dread question mark appeared again, and this time—the monster breached where the arrow had struck!

I scrambled to switch out my equipment for something stronger again! Lynel Bow! Bomb Arrows! Fire! FIRE!

I could induce a breach from the beast.

I cut down its life-meter by a much more gratifying portion before it was able to escape again.... though my bow-work was become a bit sloppy in my excitement. I knew Bomb Arrows didn’t come cheap, but by this point I would rather have lost arrows than lost time spent refining my aim. Enough had connected that I was sufficed.

And I waited for the beast’s return.

And waited.

And waited.

Round and again the great Molduga came, and I lured it up each time, unmoving in my pocket of shade, in my refuge from the chill, and cast arrow after arrow after arrow.

Quivers ran dry. Bows broke. It was becoming increasingly expensive....

But the desert was not unfeeling toward my plight.

Once as I stood through the long and lonely night, watching and waiting as the stars winked overhead and the Molduga thrashed soundlessly in the far distance, something glimmered over the sand out in front of me.

There was a kind of twinkling, a little way off, but it vanished almost at once. And then it came again, in a different spot—and disappeared once more. Pulsing like a satellite. What in the world....?

Another sparkle, and I could see faint dark movement against the bluebeige of the moonwashed sand. Something was making that light.

And it was coming closer.

And then I recognized the glittering—that was an item I could grab!

But.... moving? Smooth as a shark-fin—was it a lizard?

And as it came nearer, listing away to my right, I saw it clearly: The kindly desert breeze had found one of my stray arrows, and blown it back toward me, rolling it over the dunes.

I ran to collect it as it blew against a far section of my rock, and then trudged back to the place where I had chosen to wait.

The sand—it slows you down.

It was in the nighttime that the mighty Molduga finally succumbed to my Assault of a Thousand Arrows, writhing in the air on the last hit with an almighty bellow before crashing to the ground in an ignominious explosion of wasted darkness.

I was running straight away—already the fickle wind was beginning to toy with the leftover parts and blow them about.... I picked up so many fins, AND . . . . the guts!

Got it! Molduga Guts! HAHHH, that was a HARD-EARNED PRIZE.

And there were yet a few lingering Lizalfos from whose claws I had to pry it.

After this I was not waiting for the next Blood Moon—I stormed and looted the central hub for all that it was worth. And I realized that while I had been hunting the Molduga, some of my incendiary arrows must have ignited a few of the boomers strewed about the sand. For there was a great swath of them missing where I had made my attacks.

Inadvertently handy!

I rejoiced in my spoils, I felt mighty in my accomplishment, but after days and nights in the wilderness of the Wasteland.... the time really did feel ripe to head back.

I trudged back toward my squat little hunting rock to harness up my sand seal once more.

It was gone.

Forbidden City, Take Two

Waking of Friday, January 19, 2018 ~ 7

Forbidden City, Take Two

I tried again. And this time, I did not remove my Gerudo garb.

Some ladies at the Canteen were driving me nuts—muttering to each other about some secret password to some secret place. But every time I listened in, they shut up about it and told me to get lost.

Fed up I grabbed a loose barrel from the corner of the room and chucked it into their general midst before turning to leave.

I derived a really wonderful juvenile pleasure from their shrieking reactions then.

But on my way into the other room, I met and spoke with one of the few Hylian women I’d seen wandering around.

Jules was her name.

“Say, are you, uhh... I really don’t know how to say it... Might you be... A boy?”

Link jolted back in surprise!

“You are! I knew it!”

Who was this lady?

“It’s really impressive—you getting in here without anyone else noticing!” she said, “No need to worry. I won’t tell a soul. Just a little secret between us Hylian vai, right? Hehehe.”

Oh my gosh this was awesome. X-)

I left the Canteen and continued to climb around, until a guard kept me from inadvertently entering the palace, whereupon I wound up back at the entrance of said palace and saw....

“TRAYSI?”

That was the name. That was her. In the flesh. A Hylian.

The author of all those volumes of the Rumor Mill.

She looked nothing like I had imagined. Her writing sounded more like a hyperactive teenage girl, but she was.... rather a well-filled out, wide-faced woman.

She seemed to be arguing with one of the palace guards, maybe over entry into the building, maybe over something else. I forgot very quickly, because I was more interested in the plight of another nearby Gerudo.

Her name was Malena. But I might have first called her Shorty. Her stature really was quite small, especially next to those guards.

Malena had asked them for help, but they were still on high alert after the theft of the Thunder Helm, and couldn’t spare time or energy for the citizenry.

Malena’s husband had fallen very ill, and I caught from her that only the innards of a Molduga would cure him.

....What the heck was a Molduga?

Malena told me it was a monster so fierce that even other monsters fled before it. She said that it lived to the west, and the south, and that it was impossible to approach for it was sensitive to vibrations in the ground, and that any who drew near it would surely be KILLED.

Wo . . .

. . . was her.

The sidequest banner flashed over the top of the screen.

What the heck was a Molduga?

Dazed, I continued combing the endless city.

I discovered that I could in fact make it to the top of the central stone formation without the aid of the Zora Armor or my Climber’s Bandana—and was rewarded with a Korok at the top for my trouble!

The view from the topmost waterspring was excellent. And I’ve just reached three hundred pages. What in even the heck.

The view from the topmost waterspring was excellent, and after taking a look over the city I sailed down into a partition I had not yet explored—a training area of some kind.

The Captain Teake I met there, and her subordinates, said much the same thing the other guards had been telling me: the Thunder Helm was stolen. Everyone was on high alert.

Aside from this they didn’t say much. Except perhaps for some minor grumbling from the low-rungers now being overworked, and practicing endless spear-jabs.

Further wandering brought me to a little paddock with a few sand seals in it. They were more ruddyrose-colored than the ones out in the dunes, and they wore harnesses.

These ones were domesticated, and wouldn’t burrow away if you left them alone.

Frelly’s mother, Kohm, was renting them out.

Twenty rupees.

....

....Molduga . . . .

“I’ll take one,” I said.

Forbidden City, Take One

Waking of Friday, January 19, 2018 ~ 6

Forbidden City, Take One

Did you know that if you press jump repeatedly while running, Link will put alternating feet forward on every leap?

Like you’re skipping.

I skipped over the rocks beside the oasis at Kara Kara Bazaar, in my Gerudo outfit.

....

I’m so pretty.

Upon arriving back at Kara Kara Bazaar, I’d fooled Rhondson. “What a cute vai. Are you out seeking the love of your life, as well?” she had asked. I had answered in the affirmative and she had wished us both good luck.

My pretty disguise seemed to be working all right, and dusk was falling—prime time for traveling in this dangerously hot desert.

It was time to head to Gerudo Town.

I was quickly discovering that the distance between the town and the bazaar was not so great after all. I covered the distance in a trice, but not before running into the brusque and imposing Kyra once again on the way.

She complimented my clothes.

Huh, how warm and genuine she was.

....

Yes, this was a very good disguise.

I arrived at the town well before dawn, but.... I wanted to enter it in the daytime, and so passed the hours by exploring some ruins to the north until sunup. Tons of Warm and Electric Safflina. A Korok. And no shortage of Lizalfos by any means. They followed chittering after me as I searched the ruins in my mask....

But I did not finish combing the structures before the sky began to lighten. It was going to get hot soon.

I would explore the rest of the ruins later.

Dashing back to town, I ducked into the shrine to remove the Lizalfos Mask and put my Gerudo outfit back on.

Man the defense was so low. Just 1 for each of the three pieces.

When lightning struck my brain.

I warped to Cotera’s spring—it was raining in Kakariko—and asked for her help, but.... there was nothing she could do about my Gerudo clothes.

Oh. Never mind. >_<

Back to Gerudo Town.

I approached the gate. Merina and Dorrah still stood sentinel on either side.

....

I calmly walked in without a word like I owned the place.

And I was IN.

Some part of me had expected the view through the gate to be a flat, painted backdrop, a la the entrance into the desert city of Nasrad. But I just watched in only slightly jarring astonishment, as the already-rendered depth took me in, the paved ground opened wide around me, and an enormous plaza springing with palm trees burst into colorful life.

Oh my gosh this town was BIG.

One Fegran told about Chief Riju and her worry about the Divine Beast. A little girl Gerudo ran around at play. There was a clothing shop! I bought a set.... and found them to be little different from what I already had, except in color.

I liked my original ones better.

THERE WAS A GORON! “Are you a lady Goron?” I asked as I ran up to.... her??

Lyndae was her name. But her voice was as low as any other Goron’s. “Sa...botta? You really have to bite your lip to get that V sound out clearly.”

More linguistical delights. XD

“A little kid made fun of me yesterday for not being able to get the pronunciation right,” she went on, “I don’t know why, but it sounds the same to me no matter what I do...”

Someone named Ms. Ashai taught classes on relationships and cooking—AND I SAW A RITO LADY! :D Frita was her name, she had a rosy tint to her plumage, and she was looking for some good meats. But she complained that they didn’t seem to have any poultry....

I’d seen a joke about that somewhere on the internet. XD

The place was too big, too tangled—how far did it go?

I ran around, taking it all in in a flurry. The inn, run by Romah, had a spa plan, instead of a soft bed. (Come to think of it I wonder if that would have blown my cover!) Rima, a retired palace guard whom I found out toward the back, felt like she’d met me before. But she’d never been outside the city. Well she looked old enough—did she know me from a hundred years ago?

I heard gossip and rumors: Some thieves had snuck in and stolen the heirloom of the chief, the Thunder Helm—Oh my, that sounded like something I wanted.... The chief’s sand seal had spooked and pulled her close to Vah Naboris! But she got away. But it never would have happened if Buliara had been there. Who’s Buliara?

New captain of the guard?

And then there was Isha. She made accessories—

OUT OF GEMSTONES?  D8

THAT TRANSFER THEIR POWER TO WHOEVER WEARS THEM?  ತдತ

“YOU ARE THE DROIDS I’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR!” I shouted through the screen.

She just needed ten pieces of flint to kickstart her business—I gave them. And she offered me my choice of accessory in return: a Ruby Circlet, a Sapphire Circlet, or Topaz Earrings. Cold resistance, heat resistance, and electricity resistance respectively.

I chose the Sapphire Circlet, since I was in a desert.

“Heehee, I thought you’d pick that one,” Isha smiled.

You did?

“Wait just a moment.”

The screen darkened and there were craftsmanly noises while she made it for me.... and then she handed it over! Ah! Thank you, Isha! ^__^

And since I’d gotten her business up and running for her, she said I could come back any time for a special discount! “Just...don’t tell my other customers, OK?”

“Don’t tell your other customers what?” I said. ;)

I walked into the shop and spoke to Isha’s associate, Cara. “Vas’aaq,” she said, “I heard you brought some flint for us, little vai. You’re a lifesaver!” And then in small font: “How about...I tell you one of the owner’s secrets as my way of saying sarqso?”

“Tell me!” I say. :D

“I heard the owner... sleeps wearing nothing... but accessories...”

Oh dear! Ó༤Ò

“I wonder if she gets cold...”

Haha, yeah, I wonder, Cara! ^_^;;

She gave me a few other secrets—it seemed they varied—before I bought two more accessories: Ruby and Topaz.

Back outside and the city was as large and sprawling and confusing as ever, so I started climbing the walls—and found that there were aqueducts up on top! All nicely tiled and everything! Wow!

I was certainly enjoying the bird’s eye view—and there were still so many ways to go up here! I dashed along edges and looked and climbed until—

I was momentarily bemused by a melon rind floating down the current; it spilled over an edge and into a rubbish heap.

I looked upstream: another melon rind came drifting after the first.

What the heck?

I followed these mysterious rinds up the aqueduct until I climbed up over a high ledge and discovered.... a single, solitary Gerudo, sitting cross-legged on top of the wall, pigging out on melons and tossing the rinds into the water.

Her name was Calyban, and she didn’t really care for my company or my conversation, but only continued eating, up here in her sequestered hideaway.

....

I hoped she was not named for her father.

Though if that were the case the city might have been peopled with Calybans by then.

*

In climbing higher up the aqueducts I had come closer to the enormous central stone formation from which all the water seemed to be flowing. It came down in great, cascading falls that spilled into an encompassing, beautifully tiled channel before draining out to the rest of the city.

I wanted up there.

But the rocks looked . . . . difficult. The formation flared outward before the top came to its crest—would I even be able to hold on? And I couldn’t wear my Climber’s Bandana; that would leave my man-face exposed....

Hmmmm....

! The Zora Suit! I could swim up the waterfall in my Zora Armor!

I ran around the central water channel until I found a place where I was sure no one could see me, and ducked down for good measure.

I wonder why I didn’t think to just put on the chest piece.

As soon as I unpaused, wearing the complete Zora Set—

“Sound the alarm! A voe has been detected,” said Dorrah.

And the screen faded to black and they threw me out of town.

Treasured in the Desert

Waking of Friday, January 19, 2018 ~ 5

Treasured in the Desert

Well, I was decked out in Gerudo attire, and therefore theoretically able to venture inside their forbidden city.... But I looked up and noticed one thing—the sandstorm against the Gerudo Highlands had abated.

And I remembered what that young man had said—there was treasure hidden somewhere over there.

It was 1:30 am.

Gerudo Town? Or sandstorm treasure?

....

I warped to Gerudo Town and took a sand seal. The opportunity was ripe; I thought I may as well go for it.

I had already semi-triangulated the treasure’s whereabouts when I had circumnavigated Gerudo Town before. One of the entry guards had told me about the statues that peppered the desert, one of which I’d seen near the town: Gerudo Swordswomen. Allegedly their outstretched weapons pointed the way toward the treasure.

Part of my circumnavigation happened to have taken me directly behind one of these statues, and so.... I’d dropped some map-markers. The treasure had to be somewhere along that line.

And so having jumped a fresh sand seal I plunged into the sparkling, starlit vastness of the sea of sand and stone—only a moment later to be clouded into an oblivious pocket of browny beige at the roaring storm’s return.

Oh for—Fine timing—

And my Sheikah Slate malfunctioned again!

It hadn’t been the boundaries of Hyrule before—it had been the storm.

I just tried to keep the insistent sand seal on a straight course—and I still had the thought to consult my map, switch the markers to beacons if need be; those would show up on my HUD to guide me—but my HUD showed only static of course.

The seal kept pulling, fast as a chariot. And there were baddies—the Lizalfos Mask leapt to my face—and rocks to dodge—this was going to throw me off course. What could I—

Another Swordswoman statue hazed out of the gloom, arm and sword outstretched, pointing.

I veered in the direction indicated. This is crazy! I thought. And nowhere near the vector I’d started with—not that I could tell for sure. Where was this going to lead me?

More rocks. More Lizalfos. Ruins looming in the dimness, and every so often.... another sword arm proclaiming the path.

It was a long and dizzying drag in the murk....

But when I swirled suddenly toward the orange glow of a shrine—

With a wrench I let go of the seal; it burrowed off into oblivion. Sorry, treasure, I thought. But this was one detour I wasn’t willing to pass up. Not even for treasure.

I trudged toward the glow through the din. The shrine was caged beneath the ruin of an ancient ribcage—this must have been the one I saw from the mountain before.

The Kema Zoos Shrine it was called. But when I approached it, the completed sidequest banner flashed across my screen—?

This Shrine was the treasure of the Silent Swordswomen.

....Huh.

Okay then! :D

I hopped inside, and beat it. And when I came back out, the sandstorm had passed, and the sun was shining.

....

I wanted to climb on top of the skeleton.

I wandered around to get on the outside of the spine, but no sooner had I done so than I began to pant in the heat!

I ran back under the ribcage. Maybe it was like the other locations in this area; if I stayed close to it I would be—I was still swaying and wincing.

In desperation I ran for cover beneath the shrine’s overhang. I was fine here.

....Was here where I had to stay to be safe? How close did I have to be to the shrine to stay cool?

I stepped out, and took a few paces. Still beneath the ribcage, and everything seemed in order. Beyond the ribcage, too hot. Back under the ribcage, just fine. No, not just fine—I was heatsick again. What in the world was—was this one of those overlapping boundaries depending on your direction—

No I was fine again. I was fine under the shadow of the skeleton. The ribs cast thick dark lines of shade across the ancient paving, slatting the scorching sunlight.

Wait a second.

No.

No way.

I stayed beneath the ribcage, but stepped out of the shadow, and into a glaring sunbeam.

—And my temperature gauge flared and I began to sweat and pant—

Back in the shade . . . . and I was better.

Back in the sun . . . . and I was in trouble—

The shade . . . . sweet cool solace—

Sun . . . . burning up—

Shade—I’m safe—

Sun—I’m frying—

Shade—It’s nice—

WAIT.

I stood still, and watched the shadow crawl beneath my feet with the arcing of the day, the lip of it slowly approaching to dump me back into the daylight.

And when the sun struck my boot and began to crawl up my leg—I OVERHEATED AGAIN.

WERE THEY SERIOUS?? THAT WAS SO BOSS I COULDN’T EVEN BELIEVE IT MY GOSH THESE GAME DESIGNERS WOW JUST WOW WOW WOWWWWuh!

THEY TRACKED THE SUN.

They tracked the sun and shade, that is just—

That is amazing.

I’ve never seen that before.

There was something I had never seen before.

HAHH.

My sand seal was still there. Or a sand seal was. But.... I was still stranded until nightfall. Hm.

Ah blow it.

I drank my first ever heat resistant elixir, and sand sealed back toward Kara Kara Bazaar!

The Prettiest Voe

Waking of Friday, January 19, 2018 ~ 4

The Prettiest Voe

A Hylian dressed like a Gerudo. A “pretty Hylian gal”.

That was who I was looking for, this cool night in Kara Kara Bazaar.

Robsten said this.... person was around the general store, but I didn’t see anybody around any of the stalls.

Ripp the guard said she’d seen a Hylian vai wandering around the inn. Said she was probably still in town, as the Divine Beast was scaring a lot of people out of traveling right now.

So to the inn I went.

But nobody new was inside.

I bought all of Shailu’s (newly-stocked) arrows again and went back outside. There was really only one more place to check. That spot up on top of the big, bulbous rock. The spot which David had been so eager for me to visit....

So I climbed the ladders, got up on top, and saw a Hylian standing there, clad in shimmering purplish silks, looking out into the desert where Vah Naboris stomped.

The Gerudo clothes made the figure seem.... well really short.

I got the person’s attention. Vilia was her name.

“Oh my what a lovely young lad you are,” she said, “Do you need something from me?”

“I NEED YOUR CLOTHES,” I said in Arnold Schwarzenegger’s voice.

Oh my gosh and what a low voice this woman had.

This ‘Vilia’ went on to.... compliment my looks or something I DON’T REMEMBER BECAUSE IT WAS TOO RIDICULOUS—

And I was presented with a couple of choices in the dialogue, and I tried to keep it.... Well, I didn’t want to upset anything.

“You’re very beautiful!” I said. And she was so tickled by this that she offered to give me some Gerudo clothing of my own because it would just look so enchanting on my adorable body why is this pervert offering me clothes I’m a man.

Six hundred rupees and a fade-to-black later, I stood on the rock in a lavender scarf and top, green harem pants and lightweight slippers on my feet—

“*Eeeeee!*” Vilia squealed, complete with asterisks and music note icons!

—And absolutely nothing on my midriff.

“You look adorable!!” Vilia went on, while Link first cupped his hands to the sides of his blushing face, and then WILTED into this girlish stance dance, swaying uncertainly with his shoulders hunched, his low hands clasped together, and his eyes down and away.

Oh my gosh. XD

I didn’t really catch much of the rest of what Vilia said, except when the wind blew her scarf out of the way and I swore she had a beard.

“And make sure to watch out for the wind,” she advised.

At which Link delivered a most timely facepalm, and the cinematic drew to a close.

“Be sure to come back and see me any time if you need more clothes!”

Uh, yeah, sure thing, Vilia. ಠ_ಠ

The Point With No Entry

Waking of Friday, January 19, 2018 ~ 3

The Point With No Entry

As Gerudo Town remained impenetrable, and as no clues seemed to present themselves to me locally, I grabbed a sand seal, counted on its speed to blunt the impending heat exhaustion, and started back toward the oasis at Kara Kara Bazaar.

But I didn’t get far before I saw a voe on the road—a man. And in a fit of considering my optionnnnns I decided to hop off the sand seal, and talk to him.

His name was Gartan

He was a merchant.

That was all.

Well that was a wasted sand seal—I ran back to the safety of Gerudo Town, as it was nearest.... and saw another guy, running around. Literally running before the forward wall.

I stopped him to talk. His name was Bozai, and he sported obnoxious glasses, an overlarge chin, and unflatteringly long dark hair.

But he also had.... Sand Boots? That let him run at normal speed over the sand?

Heck yes!

But Nope, says he. He would mayyyybe give them to a girl, but not a guy.

Huh.... Well it seemed an interesting item to keep my eyes out for anyway.

But it still didn’t get me into the town.

I saw Lukan come up the road to enter the city! But nothing she could offer was much help to get inside either.

I tried walking around the outer wall—there were other entrances, but they too were of course guarded by Gerudo.

I even climbed up on top of the wall a little bit....

I could see into the town.

A handful of red-haired girls, oblivious with their backs to me. Some were so young....

It felt indecent.

I did not drop down inside. I just kept circumnavigating.... and kept running into Bozai and his ridiculous boots—turned out he was running around trying to show off and catch some Gerudo lady’s eye.

Well.... good luck with that, Bozai.

All of the Gerudo guards told me much the same thing, this was Gerudo Town, no voe allowed, the Divine Beast this, the burning desert that, blah blah blah....

I finally tried talking to Benja again, by the shrine. And this time, I found out what he had meant before when he said it was all research.

Benja told me he’d heard of a man who knew a way to sneak into Gerudo Town! A man who’d been in and out of the city several times before! That’s why Benja was keeping such a sharp eye on the road leading in—he wanted to catch the man at it and learn the secret.

He also said the man frequently visited Kara Kara Bazaar.

Huh.... well this was interesting news!

When it was cool enough I grabbed a sand seal and hightailed it back to Kara Kara Bazaar, and told Robsten I had found his caravan leader.

This came as a relief to Robsten, and I told him further that his caravan leader was keeping an eye out for that guy—it would definitely be somebody sneaky.... And I asked him if he’d seen anybody like that.

Somebody sneaky?

AND HE SAYS “There was that pretty Hylian gal at the general store. It’s unusual to see a Hylian girl dressed like a Gerudo...”

?

!?

Oh...

my....