The Lynels' Corridor

Waking of Saturday, June 10, 2017

The Lynels’ Corridor

Well, what started out as a plan to go get hornshards from Farosh.... ended up as a wandering exploration of the Faron region.... disguised as a giant Korok hunt. I climbed all over the hills above Malanya’s spring, meandered around the seashore, found some more Guardians—I’ve been marking them on my map. It’s creepy when the normal, healthy ones with working legs just sit there.... unmoving.... like enormous spiders....

My wanderings brought me westward, through a great mess of mounted bokoblins, and toward a place David had said he’d really liked. On the west side of Faron were some grasslands running north to south between a green ridge on the east side and some bare beige tiered mountains on the west side, part of the Gerudo Highlands I think. Maybe.

These grasslands had a name, but I do not remember it.

I simply called it.... The Lynels’ Corridor.

For there were two of them in there.

I started at the south end, and stayed on the east side, atop the green ridge. The first Lynel I saw I tried casting bombs at, but he soon got wise to my presence—over such a distance—and started shooting Shock Arrows back at me. At first they sailed over my head and away into the countryside, but then.... mm he must have pulled some different tactic.... lightning came bolting out of the sky....

I ran away—remembering to go back and grab the Korok Leaf I’d dropped when I got zapped!—until he finally lost interest.

Further north along the Corridor, there was another Lynel.

For this one, I situated myself on a little shelf of rock where I could not be seen from the valley floor—and commenced another game of Bomb-Golf.

It took some doing I tell you what but after a great many bombs over a few days and nights—I had slain the northern Lynel.

Evening was coming on, and lest there was a Blood Moon coming I paraglided down and quickly scooped up his remains—a Lynel hoof, a Lynel horn, a Lynel Spear, a Lynel BOW. Among other things I’m sure.

Craving the high ground once again, I climbed round a single tall butte and up into the stony Gerudo Highlands on the west side this time. I didn’t fancy being on the valley floor if there were any more Lynels about.

I thought to go farther north to continue my bird’s eye sweep of the Corridor, but there was a Guardian in the way. It was on a lower shelf of the mountains than where I was, but I didn’t care for the lively patrol it kept of that area.

So I climbed up to the next shelf, looking for a bypass....

As it turned out there were quite a few things in the way up here! More Guardians—thank you, pictobox feature—wolves, electric keese....

Just too many hassles that I didn’t want to bother with. And so every time I encountered one.... I just kept climbing up to the next shelf.

I came to one place where a Decayed Guardian sat in a wide, bare expanse of sandy stone, and at something of a risk to my general wellbeing I paraglided onto a nearby overhang to flush up a Korok. (There were a few Koroks up here, too.)

And as I stood on that tall, tall outcropping of stone, I looked into the low clouds on the other side of these Highlands, to the west.... and I saw it.

It was an island—and it was moving.

Strange movements. Rotational and sharp, as if it were timed for something, as if you had to paraglide from those crags to the north to get onto it properly. What in....?

It turned, machine-like, swiveling under the single pine tree at its crest—no there were two islands, one had been behind—

No.... not islands....

“That’s a Divine Beast,” I said, eyes wide in awe.

No one was in the room with me.

Two great humps with strange spires on top of them, the curving neck with the weird head....

That was a Divine Beast.

I remembered the name Vah Naboris from Impa’s tale. Was this that beast? It sounded like Nabooru, a Gerudo name.... and this seemed to be Gerudo territory.... though admittedly I hadn’t seen any Gerudo since Karsh, long, long ago at the rainy Woodland Stable.

And that one in my memory at the Sacred Ground.

I was curious about the northern part of that Corridor, but.... with so many Guardians and other things in the way.... the route I was on wasn’t exactly ideal.

I headed south again.

And of course there in my way again were—

“Wolves,” I growled, “we don’t need their scum.” XD

I climbed up to the next shelf and kept heading south, getting quite far this time.... back down south along the Corridor....

I had seen a pillar of black smoke somewhere down there, on a high ledge near the southern mouth of the Corridor. I may even have seen it from as far away as the Highland Stable and the Ka’o Makagh Shrine. In my experience, black smoke meant bad guys. White smoke meant good guys I think. But all smoke.... had a kind of interesting draw to it.... Agh, like a moth to a flame, I just wanna see what’s going on!

I could see the smoke ahead of me now, south along the shelves of the Highlands. It had come in and out of view, disappearing and reappearing.... But now as I was higher up about its level, I kind of wanted to go find its source.

Before I got there however, I came across a huge saddle in the mountain: a vast, bare stretch of grit and gravel cut east to west through the Highlands like the devil’s own highway. It looked.... somehow contrived. Not natural. In my mind’s eye I could see the massive Vah Naboris treading along it....

My but I wondered what could be that way.... the bending of the ground brought the tempting horizon much too close....

Hmmm but I was getting tired. I really felt like I should just find a shrine and stop or something; it was my bedtime.

I marked the Devil’s Own Highway with a little line of stars on my map (it was in an empty blue region I had not yet downloaded into my Slate), and turned back to the east. There below me was the southern mouth of the Lynel’s Corridor. I could just jog on across it and back to the green ridge on the east side, and then go north. Maybe I’d finally reach the northern end....

When 說曹操曹操到！ My shrine-locator started beeping.

And there was the smokestack! Right there! Just a few shelves downhill.

Hmm, seemed like the shrine signal and the smoke were coming from near the same spot! How interesting....

As I approached—scaring up two Koroks very close by—I could see a lot of messy piles of bones and things around the Shrine.... looked like a bad guy camp. But I couldn’t see any Bokoblins around....

I climbed up over the rock, dropped down into a little shallow bit where most of the garbage was, and found.... a woman, brandishing a ladle at a giant hunk of gourmet meat in a wok over a fire.

It was black.

“Who are you?” she said.

“Who are YOU?” I replied.

Her name was Moza, and for the sake of becoming a better cook, she was training in isolation.

“Your smoke signal?” I asked.

“Smoke signal?” she said, puzzled, “Oh you mean the dish I’m making?” or something like that.

“It’s burning,” I said, “Badly.”

And that ruffed her feathers all right.

She taught me some.... recipes of her own design. Lavish Meat Dish: meat and ore. Ancient Meat Dish: meat and ancient parts. Ultimate Survival Dish: straight up monster parts.

“That sounds gross,” I said.

“HEY!” she yelled back at me, “If you want to be an ultimate survivor then you’ve got to be willing to eat anything!”

I don’t think.... there was any helping her.

I left her to it.

And approached the shrine. The surrounding garbage piles were.... multitudinous. Flies buzzed loudly and nastily. Ugh. What a horrible place for a shrine.

The Ishto Soh Shrine – Bravery’s Grasp the trial inside was called.

I still have no idea what to do with that moving platform on the floor.

Somehow I made it up those stairs and to the monk.

Oh I would dearly love to see David attempt that one....

Might just do it again. To save my bow.

THE WAYS

Waking of Thursday, June 8, 2017 ~ 2

THE WAYS

I activated the Sheikah Tower. This was the Lake Tower. Finally those shrines I had been to when I came down here looking for Mei had some landscape to nestle in on my map, instead of just floating out there in the blue.

The new map showed plenty of interesting things.... one of the most conspicuous of which was a very large, perfect circle of what looked like stones, some distance to the southeast. The biggest Korok circle in the world....

And nearby that was—

Lake of the Horse God?

“David!”

“What?”

“Lake of the Horse God?” I looked at him expectantly.

He showed no expression.

David had once had a horse named Shaq. And at some point, he lost poor Shaq somewhere.

So I told him about the horse icon that shows up on the map. That would tell him where his horse was.

But he said he couldn’t find it anywhere.

So I told him to just go catch another horse, board it, and then take the freshly-caught horse out again, and the Stables would find his old horse.

I don’t remember if this worked or not. I think he said it did not work.... What?

And then I’d heard something else from Madman Joseph about “something something blah da da da UNLESS YOUR HORSE DIES blah blah something—”

D:

Did horses.... die?

Did poor Shaq....?

No horse icon, no Stable tricks.

Shaq was nowhere.

Oh dear....

I’ve been hesitant to take my horses on untried roads with me, but.... now I was NEVER going to let them out again! Oh my sweet Babies....

BUT THEN one day David said he got his Shaq back!

“Where was he?” I asked. :D

But David didn’t elaborate. “I just got him back. There are ways,” he added mysteriously.

“How?” I really wanted to know where he found his horse.

But he would only say that there were ways....

“Teach me the ways!” I said, not really wanting him to. :D

And he didn’t.

“Who told you about the ways?”

“Nobody, I just found them.”

“Did anyone.... talk about them at all?”

“No, I just went to a place and.... there were the ways,” he shrugged with a smile. “You can find any horse that way. Even if it’s dead.”

WAT. ._____.

“One time one of my horses died, and I already knew about the ways, and so I went there right away and.... got my horse back.” He shrugged loudly.

He was trying to impress and it was working.

“....Teach me the ways!” :D

But he just laughed....

There was something else out southeast—a marker I had left down in this region, back when I was in Faron Woods south of the lake with Tye and Sorelia. It marked another shrine I had seen, but not gone to claim.

I could see the shrine from the top of the tower—and from this height I could see it was next to a stable! Excellent.

Actually there was quite a lot I could see from this height; it was rather like looking at the map in my Slate.

It looked like there were two ways to get to that shrine and stable: one was a road that seemed to wind through Faron Woods, somewhat to my left. And the other.... well the air was quite clear, and I was quite high up.... and just in case I wasn’t, the ground looked most navigable....

I took the second option, and jumped for it, paragliding through the air....

Of course I wasn’t high enough; I should have known. Ahh, but you just feel so good when you’re so high up and the land lies so plain all around you!

I came down onto some bald, pointy hills crawling with Lizalfos—landed almost right on top of one, with no choice then but to whack him off. But with his health bar visible to me, I wasn’t worried. The Champion’s Tunic really is quite handy. No surprises.

At David’s suggestion I climbed to the top of that pointy little hill, and again paraglided toward the shrine and stable. I crossed over a wide open green field prowled by mounted bokoblins, the creepers.... But my angle this time was such that I didn’t have to worry about them either: I landed within breathing distance of the stable—the Highland Stable.

And that big circle I’d seen on my map wasn’t a giant Korok circle.... it was a circle of young cypress trees encompassing the stable! It made for quite a comely effect, I must say. Maybe they planted it as a barrier against the bokoblins so close....

Well! No time for the stable just now—I had a shrine to lock down. “The Ka’o Makagh Shrine!”

I read the name with such fierce enunciation that David laughed. “Sounds like ‘Leggo my Eggo’ when you say it like that,” he said. XD

I again felt only slightly cheap inside as I became aware of small Guardians around corners before I saw them—thanks to my Tunic. The first one had 100 health. The second one had 13. 13! Maybe that was the kind I’d faced in the shrines back on the Plateau so long ago. 13.... What a pitiable number....

I cut it down in one hit with a 14 Lizal Boomerang. And it gave me Ancient Gears. “Why thank you!” I told it. ^_^

When I’d claimed the Spirit Orb and exited the shrine, I took only a brief skip around the stable to meet the locals before heading into the stable’s backyard—opposite the wide green field, a similar lawn stretched away between two tall grey cliff faces, bending out of sight to the right. The Lake of the Horse God was back there....

The lawn rose up a bit before coming to an abrupt end and a short drop into the water. But there was nothing there but a Korok. The dry-ish waterway continued on between the two cliff faces and away out of sight....

What were The Ways....?

I tried bringing one of my horses to the edge of the sward before the water.... but still nothing happened.

Above the water, rather over the far end of the little lake, a wooden bridge extended across from one cliff face to another—a path seemed to cut through the mountain just there. I boarded my horse again, ran back to the lake—the wild horses which haunted the backyard were getting tired of my passing by now—and climbed up to the bridge.

Horse God Bridge it was called. But the path beyond it, to the left, didn’t lead anywhere except to a nameless little pond at the end of a tiny box canyon.

Hm, but the topo there had a strange symmetry to it.... Maybe it was worth a look, as long as I was there.

I followed the trail and found.... another Fairy Cocoon! :D

Well that was dandy! ^_^

I approached the cocoon. The same low, mournful, distorted voice rumbled out from inside it. But it said....

“Hast thou... I mean... Have you ever felt the pain of losing a horse companion?”

And one half of me thought, Oh my gosh it’s The WAYS!! 8D

And another half thought, No wait please speak all archaic to me, I love it! D:

“Hast thou... I mean... Have you....” XD

I wondered how the original Japanese must have read.

Well, it seemed this fairy had the ability to resurrect any horse companions I might have lost.... but first I had to hand over a thousand rupees. Through a crack in the cocoon, she held out a snappy, expectant hand like the others had done.

I’d done a little business back at the stable, making just over a thousand on my monster parts collection. Easy come easy go I guess. I handed it over.

The cocoon pulsated and rippled apart into a flower, mystical water splashed in its center, and up came—oh this one’s hair was different—no was it a headdress of some kind?—like plates, or scales, shingled over her head—no there were too many pieces, too much to the form—the whole form—her whole body—so textured—banners and braids and trailing things—what shape was this?

This wasn’t like Cotera or Mija.

The Horse God had a long neck like cloth dancing in the wind, and its face was a rustruddy, stylized mask engraved with many designs.... a horse’s face. Rather like the shape of the stables themselves.... And although the face was static, it still moved.... queer little jerks and twists and shakes, like the movements of a bird’s head, though perhaps not quite so sharp.

The hands however were still the same robust, womanly hands with elegantly painted nails.

But the arms....? There was just.... a misty, purplish kind of.... something....

“Ah, if my arms were corporeal, they’d surely be all cramped up by now!” the Horse God said as she.... he.... it.... stretched.

The voice was still low and warbly.

I’ll just say it was a she. And her name was Malanya.

She pondered for a moment on how to repay me before leaning in quite close and saying, “Shall I make you my meal?”

But then she leaned back out with a laugh.... only kidding.... haha.... hahhhh.... .__.

She seemed to read my experience with horses and pronounced me to be in some kind of good standing I gathered.

Well my horses are quite closely bonded with me.

She said if I ever lost a horse companion, she would be able to bring it back for me.

But if she sensed any kind of foul intent.... in the death of my horse....

She leaned in close again, her sharp-nailed hands floating creepily. “Then you shall suffer my wrath!”

o__o

Sounds like she means bidness....

“You found the ways!” David patted my shoulder.

Well, I could handle that well enough I think.

“I found the ways!” ^_^

Hylian Barbecue

Waking of Thursday, June 8, 2017

Hylian Barbecue

“Hey David, say that really sad line that Folken says,” I grinned.

David laughed as his eyes raked the ceiling for recollection.... “Oh yeah, uh.... ‘Will somebody please tell me WHY . . . . MY WISHES NEVER COME TRUE?’ T___T ”

“But they do, David!” :D And I dived into the cupboard and powered up the WiiU.

I warped from the Akkala Ancient Tech Lab tooooo.... “The Shrine of Ja Baij will do nicely!” I said. ^_^

“Are you going Guardian-hunting?” David asked.

“Nope!” I climbed out of the East Abbey, got on the edge of the Plateau wall, set my nose toward the Bridge of Hylia.... and took a flying leap.

David might have sunk into his phone again.

I hit the ground running and booked it for the bridge! I dashed across the stones—stopping only briefly to throw a rock into the water far below to scare up a Korok—one shot!—and kept on running!

I ran past the Lizalfos in the middle! Didn’t have time for them!

I ran all the way to the other side!

And there mounting up from the cracked and craggy hills to the right was....

“Wait are you doing a Tower?” David asked.

“Yes!”

“Ohoh!” he perked up at this—he’s been dying for me to explore more.

“Wishes do come true!” I cheered.

“You’re doing it, Peter!” he cheered back.

This Sheikah Tower looked easy enough! There were a few Bokoblins about, but honestly who cares about Bokoblins?

I didn’t follow the path but was once again keeping to the high ground, on the right side, the side near the bridge. Maybe the left would have been better as it connected with that big ridge surrounding the lake.... more ground to stand on....

But no matter! I huffed it up into the hills—the earth was so cracked and shattered here! I wondered if it had become all broken up like this when the Tower had burst out of the ground....

My progress was just dandy as I leapt from slab to slab of the erupted crust. My Champion’s Tunic showed me the life-meters of enemies I couldn’t even see—hiding in the low path that ran through the shade of the widest cracks.

Part of me thought it was nifty, but part of me thought.... it was kinda cheap....

Couldn’t say it hadn’t come in handy sometimes, though.

I came to a high spot and thought to have a little look around, but....

Fire Wizzrobe.

It had just come into view, close enough for me to see. Him I didn’t need. As viewpoints went, this would have to suffice; I didn’t want to stir up any unnecessary trouble—

That high-pitched giggling off to my right side.

Uh-oh.

Didn’t move fast enough. There must have been another Wizzrobe, and it sounded like he’d spotted me.

Another Fire Wizzrobe, just my luck.

I sprinted for it, hopping over the cracked earth—maybe if I put enough distance between him and me he’d lose interest....

But as I made it to the lattice-like walls and huffed it up the tower, I could hear the Wizzrobe still following me. Rats....

Well, I’d just have to move extra quick-like. And just as well, because it was bedtime for me anyway. Surely the Wizzrobe would leave off if I just kept climbing farther and farther away....

I heard the swishing, plishing sound of magic warming up, and tensed myself to jump to a higher part of the viney lattice if need be. A roaring rush of sound followed, and an explosion rocked a lower part of the tower—seemingly on the other side from where I was.

Oh would he just get lost already?

I only listened to the Wizzrobe skipping through the air again as I continued to climb, and catch my breath on the platforms. More magic. More explosions. And then—

There was a sound from the Wizzrobe that was quite different, and then it was as if the earth were erupting in fire here and now around me. Flames licked up through the air, and burning stones bigger than my head fell like hail around me, and the sky and all beneath it became tinged by a red haze and everything was shaking and rumbling and rumbling and shaking and ROARING . . . .

This was the Wizzrobe’s doing?

“What the heck is going on?” I wailed. D8

“I don’t know! I’ve never seen this happen before,” said David.

“Nothing attacked you here?”

“Well I watched where I was going—I didn’t let anything see me.”

I kept climbing. None of the raining firestones were hitting me....

“It’s getting hot....” David pointed out.

“I know....” I said, though I was mostly just focused on keeping climbing.... I spared the thermometer a quick glance. It was in the red.

“Drink an elixir!” said David.

“I don’t have any.”

“Nothing?”

“Nope.” I had to stop on a platform to regain my stamina.

“You’re slowly getting hurt from the heat,” said David.

I was panting. Two hearts were gone.

“Just kill it!”

“Rahh—” I jumped onto the wall again. I was almost there....

The earth still rumbled—the fire still rained—another jump—costly—didn’t want to risk another one here at the end—a third heart was burning away—

And as I climbed over the last horrible outleaning lattice and cleared the upper edge—

The firestorm ceased.

The rumbling stopped.

The sky became light blue again; the haze of heat and fire was gone.

And I stood, and the world was calm, and quiet.

“Oh man....”

Friggin’ Wizzrobe.

Maybe I should start brewing some cooling elixirs....

The Forest of Killing Time

Waking of Wednesday, June 7, 2017

The Forest of Killing Time

Yesterday I had to reset my clock. The power had been out for a couple of hours, because some men from SRP came to our neighborhood and removed an old transformer in the alleyway, replacing it with a newer one.

Must’ve been that devil from Hateno Village again....

That night I had dreams that after the next Blood Moon.... two rusted Guardians waited down the hill from Robbie’s house.

I had seen something very strange when I downloaded the Akkala map. And now at Robbie’s house I could see it with my own eyes: far to the northeast, standing tall from the sea like some kind of prison, was a great, cubic island of black stone.

It was a maze.

And at its heart in the back the orange glow of a shrine could be seen.

David had told me it was swarming with Guardians, so I went to have a look for myself. I jumped off the seaside cliff, and paraglided through the rain....

As I neared, a Flying Guardian came into view, sweeping over the twisting passages. Anything below it would surely be trapped like a rat.

Then another came into view. And another. And another.

Four Guardian Flyers patrolled above.

And who knew what lay in wait inside....

I sure didn’t, because my stamina ran out just before I got there.

I warped from my freefall back to Robbie’s, and thence.... to the Plateau. I wanted to see if old Guardians could be salvaged more than once.

Turned out they couldn’t; none of the old rusted ones around the Temple of Time had anything left for me to find.

Feeling braver, I tried around the East Abbey—home of my first nightmares. There wasn’t much to be found there either. But I took the opportunity to mark on my map where the live Guardians were situated.

As long as I was back on the Plateau I felt like wandering through it again. I had a Warm Doublet now, and I wanted to see the top of Mount Hylia.... and pick up some treasure I’d meant to get before, high on a tower near the treehouse where I first learned to cook.... There were plenty of Koroks that turned up along the way as well....

And then there was something that Jenn had said, so long before.... “How do you beat that miniboss in the forest?”

I hadn’t seen any such miniboss.

Of course, I hadn’t combed the entire forest, either. What was it, a Hinox? A Lynel? I wandered through the trees until I came to a little open spot of ground that made me think once again what a splendid fighting arena it would make....

And a Stone Talus burst out of the earth—not even Talus Junior—just STONE TALUS.

And the Piano conjured up all its percussive friends and laughed at my blundering into the trap!

I ran. The Talus dug up huge boulders out of the earth and hurled them at me! I could only dodge them and get behind the thickest trees—oh gads, one hit with one of those....

I put some distance between me and it until it quieted down again, and then....

I ran back in and climbed up on top of it before it could fully unearth itself this time! The Piano started up again and the Talus pitched and rolled—it is HARD to stand on top of a Talus! But there was its big lump of ore sticking out—I could attack that—if I could reach it....!

It flung me off and I hit the ground and rolled to a stop.

“Get up get up get up, Link!”

I ran back in, so close to its stubby little legs—stubby, they were as tall as I was—and sheltering beneath its bulk, I thought ridiculously: The closer we are to danger, the farther we are from harm!

The Talus’ huge, huge hammerlike upper appendages pounded the ground—but I was too close to its body. I jumped and gained a lucky purchase on its.... back? I think. It was hard to tell—and started climbing—at times hanging almost upside-down underneath it as it rocked and lunged! But I scaled up its stony hide and got to the top once more.

I hammered away at the protrusion of ore with my Special 38 Big Stick—the Knight’s Claymore—knocking chunks of Amber off at every stroke—the stone beneath my feet rumbled and jerked so erratically—it was so difficult to maintain my stance—but then with a final swing the ore protrusion shattered and the Talus was defeated!

And as it toppled I jumped and ran for it! I’d had giants fall on me before and I was NOT going to have that again!

The Talus collapsed and exploded into a resplendent pile of glittering gems—with two Rubies this time I think—which I happily collected before skipping off on my merry way through the woods.

I beat a Talus! ^_^

When I’d had my fill of the Plateau, I thought of where else I might find Guardians to salvage. My first thought was the Valley of Terror near the Dueling Peaks. But I also thought perhaps to sweep the road between here and there....

I paraglided down into the Forest of Time just to the northeast, because that had looked interesting on my map, dodged a couple of Moblins, and headed for a tall wooden lookout tower to take shelter in. Some Stalkoblins (as I’ve learned they are called from my Compendium) popped up in my wake and started throwing rocks at me as I climbed the ladder. It hurt more than I thought it should—and then I realized I was still wearing my Warm Doublet. Not a lot of defense threaded into that one. Except from the elements.

I came out onto the high platform, and choked—the tower was loaded with high explosives.

“Oh, nope!” I shouted, heading for the first barrel. “You.” I grabbed it— “Out.” —and chucked it over the edge. It exploded in a magnificent fireball, taking at least one of the Stalkoblins with it. “And you.” And the other— “Git!” —went over in like fashion.

The volatility of my immediate surroundings now significantly lessened, I had a look around. You know, it was a nice little tower—a nice, wide platform, little guardrails.... I could see the east road I had first taken so long ago, threading away through some ruins—

And there were Guardian husks down there.

I could search those—

But no, I couldn’t. Not right now.

Because a Blood Moon was rising.

Those east road Guardians would have to wait.

I warped back to Robbie’s and paraglided down the hill, grateful it was steep enough to allow me to do so. I found the rock again . . . . and waited.

I readied myself for a scuffle—I knew there were those three Stalmoblins there at least, but the Guardian?

I waited . . . .

11:30 struck, and the ground began to smoke. Unholy embers. Hazy light. Swift red clouds. And the Piano rumbled the pained low groaning it reserved only for those moments . . . .

I stood away from the rock, and faced the space where the Guardian had been before, when Zelda’s warning came in vision to my mind once more . . . .

And when she had done speaking . . . .

THE GUARDIAN WAS BACK.

Back and awake with blue light, clicking and whirring as it swiveled its can-head, looking for things to shoot.

“Dang it!” I hopped over to the other side of the rock.

The Stalmoblins didn’t appear.

But now the Guardian was back.

How’d you manage that, Ganon? Resurrecting machinery you never even spawned in the first place?

Ah poop this was so lame....

I climbed back on the rock, and destroyed it the same way I had destroyed it before, with arrows to the eye.

And when it broke down and exploded, I looked hopefully for Ancient Gears or Cores....

But all that was there was a pile of screws.

“You cheapskate,” I muttered as I hopped down to collect them.

Well screw you too.

. . . .

You know, they might actually have been springs, but then I couldn’t have made that joke.

There's Something About Cherry

Waking of Sunday, June 4, 2017 ~ 2

There’s Something About Cherry

When I first spoke to him, Robbie was skeptical of my identity. It wasn’t until I stripped to the skivvies so he could see my scars that he believed I was the Champion Link. Though the Shrine of Resurrection seemed to have healed many of them over.

It turned out Robbie and Jerrin had a fifty-year age gap between them, and they were married. They also had a son, Granté, whom Jerrin had asked if I’d met anywhere. I said no, but.... hm, maybe he’s that plume-haired Sheikah I see painting around the stables sometimes.... didn’t commit that one’s name to memory....

Jerrin seemed like an upbeat lady—she even did a pretty funny impression of Purah! Striking a pose, doing fancy jazz-hands and grinning, “Check it out!”

Robbie seemed very pragmatic, and quite the go-getter. Talked about defeating the Calamity as if it were a difficult shopping trip I’d be taking on the very next day.

Well, I appreciated his optimism. And expectation.

And then there was Cherry.

Cherry was actually the first thing I had seen upon entering the Akkala Ancient Tech Lab. It was that big pot-bellied machine. Kind of a dark, grey-green-bronzy color with Shrine-blue highlights.

I learned Cherry was named after Robbie’s first love, and that if Jerrin ever heard Robbie call it that, she would start yelling and throwing things. And so Robbie had taken instead to calling it simply “The Ancient Oven” or something like that.

The only problem was that the laboratory’s furnace wasn’t lit, and so Cherry wasn’t functioning.

Which meant it was time for me to take a walk.

Akkala seemed a pretty hilly place.

Well.... most places in Hyrule seemed like pretty hilly places.

But this instance was just ridiculous.

I’d gotten outside and found a clear spot where I could take a look around (there were so many trees). And there I could finally see the burning blue of the Ancient Furnace on a nearby hill to the west—that was the fire that could get Cherry up and running. And as I moved toward it, nearing the edge of the hilltop where the Tech Lab was, the parallax of the geology revealed a little dip in the land between the two hills . . . . no, a dell . . . . no, a gorge . . . . no, it was . . . .

I came to the edge of my hilltop and looked down. A river ran way down at the bottom of a huge chasm between me and where I wanted to go.

“What,” I said, and looked at my map.

That was a lot of topo lines.

There were no high bits connecting the two hills, and their inward-facing sides were sheer; it was like a miniature Dueling Peaks. To get from one to the other, I would have to pick a trail, north or south, and descend down almost to the level of the river in a wide arc.

Robbie had a torch in his house, but I didn’t want to drop any of my weapons to switch out. There were a lot of Moblins down there.... Maybe I could just steal one of their clubs whenever the spear I was using gave out. Or find a tree branch. There was no shortage of trees.

This fetchquest was a bit more.... involved than the one at Hateno Village had been. The land was so folded and twisted, I decided on my way to the western hilltop to mark the positions of the intervening lanterns between the Furnace and the Tech Lab. And then there were all those Moblins.... and Keese.... and Stalthings.... Ugh, the road was peppered with them.

And on the way back to the lab I wished I’d grabbed Robbie’s torch! I should’ve known Moblin Clubs weren’t meant to stay lit for long. Or tree branches for that matter. But I made do.

Except when it rained. Then there was nothing for it but to wait it out near the last-lit lantern, and beat up any monsters that got too close.

During one long shower I actually decided to go a bit ahead and clear up some of the Moblins in my way. One of them I took out playing Bomb-Golf, but the other....

Well, I tried bombs again, but I guess I was too close. I dropped it in the grass and backed up, waiting for him to approach.

And oh, he approached all right, and just as I was about to detonate, he kicked the bomb back in my face!

My finger was already going down on the button!

Ja Baij doesn’t distinguish between friend or foe.

Ja Baij just makes stuff splode.

I took the blast right in the face—I think the Moblin caught some of it too—and corkscrewed back through the air in a sailing arc to land in the wet grass and roll to a stop.

“Oh man!” Ben laughed.

I laughed too. Impressive....

Freakin’ Moblin.

I got back up and let him have it with the sword instead, and he went down.

Finally the rain cleared up and I was able to carry on from the lanterns, and light Robbie’s furnace with the ancient flame, so that inside the laboratory, Cherry the Ancient Oven powered up.

It seemed Cherry had the ability to forge Ancient Materials. 8D

But they were a little expensive. :c

Cherry needed ancient parts to start with, and Robbie needed rupees. They needed the funds to continue their important research! he insisted.

I looked at what all Cherry could offer me.... Ancient Arrows, Ancient Spears, Ancient Swords.... weapons.... shields....

But I could feel how impermanent everything was.... That was a lot of rupees for something that wouldn’t last forev—

Ancient Cuirass?

Why that was.... that was armor. Ancient Armor.

And there was a helm and some greaves to go with it!

And they had a resistance to Guardians!

Cherry could make Ancient Armor.

That wouldn’t be so impermanent! :D

The armor pieces were still deucedly expensive, though. At least a thousand rupees a piece, plus more ancient cores and ancient gears than seemed possible to acquire and still go to bed happy.

Which gave me another horrible feeling deep in my gut . . . .

Cherry in essence seemed to function like a shop. A merchant.

She required both money and materials in exchange for her wares.

Those materials . . . . Ancient Materials . . . . came from Guardians.

Cherry didn’t seem to have a limit to the number of items she could forge.

Which meant . . . .

The game . . . . surely had to provide allowances for the player: No limit likewise to the number of Ancient Materials to be collected.

Which MEANT . . . .

Ancient Materials had to be harvested from somewhere. Indefinitely.

My Guardian-Slayer heart still fluttered high, and wanted to stay there.

But I couldn’t help but feel an inescapable premonition about the next Blood Moon . . . .

Rockin' Robbie

Waking of Sunday, June 4, 2017

Rockin’ Robbie

Dear Uncle Rob,

I found you in a video game today. Well, actually I found you in the video game a few days ago, but I didn’t save my game then. Because I thought Mom might like to see too. So I played it again today.

It’s a Zelda game. The Legend of Zelda. Maybe you’ve heard of those games. They’re pretty cool, and very adventurous! You play as a young man named Link, and more often than not, you have to rescue the Princess Zelda and save the world from the evil Ganon.

So I was playing as Link, and Mom was watching, and I had to get to a place called the Akkala Ancient Tech Lab. Because I’d heard there was a guy named Robbie there who could really help me out.

It was a long journey through forests and rivers and mountains, and there were a lot of horrible monsters to slay along the way—and there were a lot of friends I made, too—but I finally made it to the Lab. And when I stepped inside, there were two new people I met: a lady named Jerrin, and a little old guy named Robbie.

Okay, so he was shorter than you. And definitely several decades older. Also, his thick white hair stuck out straight back so it looked like a big square mallet coming off the back of his head, and he was wearing these wiggy goggles that spun around and made him look like a chameleon!

But you know what? When I went up and talked to him, Mom and I just kind of forgot about these differences. Because when he introduced himself, it was clear:

Robbie was a Rock Star.

“Doctorrrrrr....” he wound up, stamping his feet on the ground, “ROBBIE!”

And when he shouted his name he jumped up and struck a rock star pose with one epic hand pointing into the high distance and his head held up like he was gazing into the stars!

And an electric guitar hit came right out of the game’s music just for that! And you could hear a distant crowd screaming and cheering!

Mom looked surprised at me and said, “It’s Rockin’ Rob!” And we both laughed and hugged.

There aren’t very many electric guitars in the game. The music is mostly just a piano. And sometimes some drums and other things when the monsters start chasing you.... You’d probably find it kinda boring.

I feel bad.... that I never.... saw you play.

I never even cared.

Well I guess we were all so busy, I guess everybody’s busy, and we’ve got our own lives, and you were just so far away anyway.

I just don’t know what I feel more disgusted at: that I never cared.... or that like some kind of socio-sheep I only cared after your stroke.

I never even knew about Rockin’ Rob until after you couldn’t play anymore.

To me you were just.... Weird Uncle Rob.

That’s what we used to call you, back when there were two Uncle Robs and we had to differentiate.

I’m sorry.

Maybe I didn’t realize how mean that was because it was just something we said in the family. Maybe you weren’t real to me until I saw the pictures Mom brought back after your stroke.

Or maybe you were weird. I know we never visited you very often. I have only some sunbleached memory of you outside the car, and the smell of cigarette smoke which I thought was gross.

I guess your life was just a whole lot different than mine.

But.... maybe weirdness is relative.

You still had a life, and so many people that loved you.

They said you were always first in line at open mic night.

Always.

Rockin’ Rob.

I’m sorry I was a coward when we did visit you later.

The place just smelled so weird and I was afraid of germs and didn’t want to touch anything.

But when I saw you, I thought.... What he needs is a hug....

But I didn’t hug you. I really had had a cold; that was true at least. I clung onto that stupid excuse like some kinda pansy.

But I was happy that.... at least I could be brave enough to hold your hand.

And when you kissed it before we left....

That was so special to me.

I’m sorry for the words you couldn’t say.

But happy for what you could still say that didn’t need any words.

Thank you, Uncle Rob. <3

I love you.

Love,

Andrea

God please help me be more loving.

P.S. We visited your grave on Memorial Day, and the other family there.

Did you hear what I said to you then?

“Robbie, you know what I thought playing my game last night? :

“ ‘Heeeeeeelll YEAH!’ ”

One Last Hitch

Waking of Saturday, May 27, 2017 ~ 6

One Last Hitch

I pranced past the wolves again—you know, if you zap one with a Flame Rod, the rest’ll leave off sure enough but.... there won’t even be any cooked meat left—and down round the cliffside to the little wood with the pond.

And there in the pond was a large green cocoon.

I stepped up on the toadstool pedestal and addressed the being inside.

She was likewise afflicted by the lack of well-wishers and gift-offering devotees, but could have her powers restored if I gave her.... five hundred rupees.

Well. I was loaded enough for that. Chump change.

I handed it over—brought myself below six thousand again but no matter—and the Great Fairy’s cocoon blossomed and opened into a beautiful deep blue flower. (Cotera’s had been pink.) She burst from the large mystic pool in the center of the blossom, huge, gaudy, sparkling....

Her name was Mija and she was decked much as her sister Cotera had been, but in garb and jewelry of light lavender, rather than pearly white. And her hair matched: she sported an absolutely voluminous purple pompadour, which looked big enough for me to legitimately get lost in if she leaned over too far.

I just love the Great Fairies’ designs. X-)

She thanked me for restoring her power, and I set her loose on my wardrobe. One by one she upped the defense of my garments. Cotera had worked her magic by blowing over her palms at me, as though to dust me with mystic glitter. Mija simply kissed her forefinger and then gave me a cutesy loving tap that made me blush.... whether in embarrassment or patient disgust I couldn’t tell—WHO DESIGNED THESE ENCOUNTERS they’re so adorable.... though Mija’s elegantly painted fingernail looked big enough to scratch my face clean off....

She was able to modify all of my garments except for one—the Champion’s Tunic.

To fix it up, she needed a few Lizalfos horns, which I had; some other variety of monster-bits I don’t remember, which I also had; and—

I coughed.

Two shards of Farosh’s horn?

O.O

Well that.... would be an epic thing to collect! OuO!!!

But right now there was no more time for delays! It was time to head north!

It was time to find Robbie!

Down the sweeping mountainside I jogged, the seashore creeping in on my right side. I ran from wolves; I ignored Lizalfos. I had somewhere to be. Strange landmarks I had seen in my map passed in and out of view as the land leveled out just above sea level. The beach pressed close along the grassbound road, and I huffed beside the waves, both 10,000 Miles and Chariots of Fire ringing simultaneously through my head as I jogged through the yellow-grey grass....

There were road signs to the Akkala Ancient Tech Lab. I was getting close.

The land began to climb again, and off in some trees on the east side, a woman tried to flag me down.

Eh, I hadn’t practiced in a while....

She asked me something about Lord.... Lord.... Lord Somebody. Must’ve been some Yiga bigwig. Oh, how I was tempted to give the insulting response, but.... I thought to probe for information instead.

But the woman only fawned a bit more over this person and then....

(Ah, and the Piano always drips the same high chill down the back of your neck!)

“I will take your life!” she hissed.

We fought.

I won.

“And I will take your bananas!” I answered.

And I did.

Further on there was yet another Stable! The East Akkala Stable. And there was a man there who sold hot buns for ten rupees apiece—each one granted an entire extra temporary stamina wheel.

I’ll have to remember that.

There was another man there, a soldier-looking type of fellow, who asked me if I had heard of Kilton.

! As a matter of fact I had! From that Chabi woman I met at the parade grounds. But she’d seemed so genuinely interested in the man....

But Soldier Fellow impressed upon me that this Kilton was some kind of menace, and that he was the source of many awful rumors and much disquiet. A general disturber of the peace.

He asked me, if I ever met Kilton, to very carefully note his appearance, so that I could describe it back to him in detail.

Eh.... I agreed.

Seems this Kilton is taken for good and ill.... I do wonder what all the fuss is about....

But I would not wonder now.

Robbie was right up the road. Just a little father!

I hoofed it up the hill!

I was so close!

I could see the outline of the laboratory! A giant telescope and great bits and shapes sticking out in all angles—

A red targeting laser needled onto my shirt.

The Piano turned wicked....

Cover. Run, I thought. Keep running.

But no, there was no cover in my course. Where was it coming from? Recalculation would take precious time....

I turned wildly—I had passed a large red rock jutting out of the earth to the right of the path.

The rusted Guardian had been right on the other side of it.

No one coming from the direction of the stable would have been able to see it.

That was dirty! D:

I ran back to regain the other side of the rock—the laser flickered—that high beeping—

I didn’t make it in time.

The blast sent me rolling.

But I was still alive. Probably thanks to Mija’s very recent upgrades!

But only just. How many hearts did I have left, three? Four? Not enough to take another hit. I got back to my feet as the Guardian began to recharge its laser, and dashed back round the boulder to skid to a panting halt on the other side.

Three hulking Stalmoblins popped up out of the ground to keep me company.

Man.

The Piano turned a different flavor of wicked as I quickly reached into my pockets for something to eat; I rather wanted a few more hearts on my side before I dealt with these bozos....

Once they were dead the Piano left off and it was quiet. I wasn’t quite sure what to do. I could still hear the Guardian swiveling its head around on the other side of the rock. Looking for me.

I climbed a bit onto the red stone—thank goodness it wasn’t too steep to stand on—and had a careful look.

The guardian seemed fixated on the road. Just swiveling back and forth, glowing a vigilant blue....

Huh.

Well, first I appealed to Ja Baij. Purah had upgraded my bombs after all. I decided to see what they could do.

I chucked one over the top of the rock. But I detonated it too soon and the Guardian took no damage. It was tricky without being able to see the shape of the ground on the other side.

I chucked another one, waited a little longer.... and detonated again.

The Guardian’s health went from 500 to 498.

It shot a blast at nothing and swiveled harder.

Well that wasn’t very encouraging.

I chucked a few bombs more, gnawing away at the Guardian for a while and making it blow up bits of earth near the path at every turn, but....

This was taking too long. I had to hit it with something harder.

I consulted my bows and equipped the strongest one, and readied my Shock Arrows. I had quite a few to spare.

And after a deep breath, I jumped forward, stood up tall on the top of the rock, drew back my bow and waited for its eye to turn my way.... If things went sour, I could just back up and fall back into cover....

But it never turned. It just kept swiveling at the road. Creeping thing....

I put the Shock Arrow away and loaded a regular one. Just to test it.

It tunked off the back of the Guardian’s head, and it turned to see me.

I shot its eye!

AND IT STUTTERED! Shaking and swiveling as though trying to clear itself, trying to reset!

I shot its eye again!

The damage was mounting up considerably faster!

I shot it again and again in the eye! Sometimes it swiveled too far to the side and I lost my target but.... I was patient.... I could wait....

Did any of my bows break? I don’t remember. But I had plenty of equipment with me....

And every time its eye turned my way I shot it again.

Its energy dropped farther, and farther again until.... with a whirring and a crackle of shattering light.... ITS SHELL BUCKLED AND IT EXPLODED!

I KILLED A GUARDIAN!

I KILLED A GUARDIAN!

HAHH.

Now . . . . I will know

. . . . whether GUARDIANS . . . .

RESURRECT AT BLOOD MOON.

The Akkala Ancient Tech Lab was waiting up the hill.

I followed the path just a little bit farther—more rusted Guardians glowered at me all around the house—

They were dead.

Dang it, Robbie.

I approached the door, and let myself inside.

A pot-bellied.... machine of some kind, with a stylized, slit-eyed face and a mouth that looked like it could open, stood in the middle of the room.

“I... It’s...” it juddered in a hollow metallic voice. “An... It’s...”

What did that mean?

“What are you doing here?”

Two Sheikah stood behind me: a well-built woman of average height, and a tiny little old man wearing the strangest goggles.... Could that be....?